


Avenging the... Group Chat?

by sprayedwithcrab



Series: Don't Look Into It [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: ., Bisexual Peter Parker, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, F/M, Gay Bucky Barnes, Gen, Group chat, Hurt Peter Parker, Identity Reveal, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Memes, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Of course not, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Secret Identity, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, a lot of them are straight okay, and thats what matters, but hes trying too, but i think thats really it, cause then everyone would be DEAD, ehuehuehe, for the lgbt representation, ghdsjka, group chat au, helpp, like doing my homework, oh well, okay so as much as i love gay, peter is very much a bisexual disaster though, sjvhyiesrkhfmbzxjsd, so can tony, steve can occasionally be an asshole but hes trying okay, there is so much more i could be doing with my time, w e e d, what do you expect from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-07-24 10:32:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 29,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16173299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sprayedwithcrab/pseuds/sprayedwithcrab
Summary: What else are you expecting?Tony Stark made a group chat.This goes about as well as you'd imagine.





	1. peter has a stroke

**Author's Note:**

> just a thing for names. because trying to figure them out can be a bitch and i dont want to do that to yall:
> 
> GBPP: Tony  
> ÙwÚ: Bruce  
> ihateyou: Bucky  
> buckymorelikesucky: Sam  
> (not)aNazi: Steve  
> Natasha: Natasha  
> Reindeer Games: Loki  
> THUNDER: Thor  
> underoos: Peter  
> tonysbabysitter: Rhodey  
> CAWCAWMF: Clint  
> popnlock: Wanda  
> ISeeYou: Vision  
> ANTONY:((: Scott  
> Simba: T'Challa  
> memequeen: Shuri

**(2:30 PM) GBPP created a group chat with tonysbabysitter, CAWCAWMF, Natasha, ÙwÚ, and 8 others on Thursday, September 20th**

 

**Thursday, September 20**

**(2:30 PM) GBPP, tonysbabysitter, CAWCAWMF, underoos, and (not)aNazi are online**

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Tones what is this

 

 **GBPP:** a group chat.

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Why?

 

 **G** **BPP:** because pepper said im not allowed to work on anything involving math or science today and im bored

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** since when did Tony listen to anyone

 

 **GBPP:** since when i asked for your fucking opinion you vent fucker

 

 **(not)aNazi:** Language, Tony!

 

 **GBPP:** shut up, you artifact

 

 **(not)aNazi:** Also, I must point out that the name you set for me is extremely unprofessional. How do I change it?

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** nobody tell him.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** already agreed to that a million years ago, don't worry

 

 **underoos:** WOAH IS THIS A GROUP CHAT FOR THE AVENGERS????? 

 **underoos:** WOW OMGOMG THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE OMFG WHOS WHO ENRGF HEJBJF G

 

 **CAWCAWMF** : is that the spider kid.

 

 **underoos:** IS THAT HAWKEYE OML HAWKEYE KNOWS ME IM CRYING JHVEDBHKJHVDBSKAHVVB

 **underoos:** EYDNBEKNFLGHDHBFJ

 **underoos:** HDBJHVDM

 

**(2:39 PM) underoos went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** Tony I think your kid just had a stroke

 

 **(not)aNazi:** Hold on, Underoos? Isn't that what Tony called Spider-man at the airport? He's a kid? 

 **(not)aNazi:** Tony, you hired a literal child to fight a battle with the Avengers??

 

 **GBPP:** some mistakes were made

 

 **(not)aNazi:** "Some" mistakes?? Tony, I have half a mind to tell you just how fucking irresponsible that was!

 

**(2:43 PM) underoos, Natasha, memequeen, ANTONY:(( , ÙwÚ, ihateyou, and buckymorelikesucky are online**

 

 **memequeen:** LaNgUaGe!!!!1!!1!

 

 **ihateyou:** lanGUAGE!!

 

 **underoos:** LaNGUaGE!1!!!1!

 

 **buckymorelikesucky:** language!!!

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** LANGUAGE!

 

 **ÙwÚ:** language, cap!!

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** l a n g u a g e

 

 **Natasha:** Language.

 

 **GBPP:** im crying you all just came on here to tell cap language oh my god

 

 **memequeen:** bold of you to assume i came on here purely to tell steve off,,

 

 **underoos:** why wont god just kill me already

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** are you okay????

 

 **underoos:** absolutely not, thanks for asking

 

**(2:46 PM) underoos, i hate you, and ÙwÚ went offline**

 

 **Natasha:** All of you are idiots.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** rude :( 

 **CAWCAWMF:** but true nonetheless

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** oh shit the police are here

 **ANTONY:(( :** byeeeedjknmsz

 

**(2:47 PM) ANTONY:(( went offline**

 

 **Natasha:** I'm gonna do that too, bye

 

**(2:47 PM) Natasha went offline**

 

 **buckymorelikesucky:** same, i have books to read and bitches to fight

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Me too. Tony, this was a terrible idea.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:**  I disagree with that very statement right there 

 **CAWCAWMF:** but I was reading this really cool thing on wikipedia so bye

 

**(2:51 PM) CAWCAWMF, tonysbabysitter, and buckymorelikestucky went offline**

 

 **GBPP:** hh

 **GBPP:** steve seems to have died

 

 **(not)aNazi:** HELLO THIS IS THOR?

 **(not)aNazi:** MAY I ASK WHAT THIS WEIRD COMMUNICATION DEVICE IS 

 **(not)aNazi:** WHAT IS A NAZI

 

 **GBPP:** oh

 **GBPP:** oh dear god no

 

 ** (2:54 PM) GBPP went offline **

 

 **(not)aNazi:** WHAT DOES OFFLINE MEAN

 **(not)aNazi:** WHO IS GBPP, WHERE DID THEY GO

 

 **(not)aNazi:** HELLO?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello yes welcome this is group chat
> 
>  
> 
> i see a bunch of these, and just like all of the field trip tropes, i,,, love them,,,,,,
> 
>  
> 
> ((memequeen never left)


	2. gentle stabbing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is a youngun'

**Monday, September 24**

 

**(3:02 AM)** **underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** dfjsbdukaj

 **underoos:** i habve a smalal priobalem

 

**(3:03) CAWCAWMF, Natasha, and GBPP are online**

 

 **GBPP:** kid wtf its 3 am go to sleep

 

 **Natasha:** Is this problem big enough to warrant you texting the entire group chat at ungodly hours of the night?

 

 **underoos:** hokd in thsu is thr group chst

 **underoos:** i thougah thsi was tony

 

 **GBPP:** kid whats wrong????

 

 **underoos:** i may hsve gottwn sligjtly stabbed

 

 **GBPP:** WHAT

 **GBPP:** KID STAY WHERE YOU ARE IM COMING

 **GBPP:** SHIT FUCK HOLD ON PETE

 

**(3:08 AM) GBPP went offline**

 

 **underoos:** lmao mr satrk jyst picked me up bridal stylw

 **underoos:** who'd've thunk

 **underoos:** aw man autocorrect thanks bud

 **underoos:** highlighter ice

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** ???????????

 

 **Natasha:** Hey Tony, when you get online again, just want to remind you that you just told us the kid's name

 **Natasha:** Which I'm fairly certain you were avoiding

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** whoah yyou right

 

 **Natasha:** Of course I am, vent fucker

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** NOT YOU TOO NAT

 

**(3:12 AM) Natasha went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** awh man now I'm lonely

 **CAWCAWMF:** time to go terrorize small children : >

 

**(3:13 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

**(3:22 AM) CAWCAWMF is online**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** HOLY SHIT I KNEW THE KID WAS YOUNG BUT NOT TH A T YOUNG

 

**(3:23 AM) GBPP and Natasha are online**

 

 **GBPP:** tell anyone about this and youre dead, moron

 

 **Natasha:** How old is he, Clint?

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** he can't be older than 12, holy guacamole

  

 **Natasha:** Tony you brought a 12 year old to a fight with the avengers?

 

**(3:26 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** im not 12!!!

 **underoos:** im 15 :(

 

 **GBPP:** KID I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL THEM

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** Tony you need to take better care of your kid

 

 **GBPP:** dont tell me how to live my life

 **GBPP:** besides ive tried getting him to be less reckless but he doesnt listen

 **GBPP:** and i literally cant force him to do anything. he can lift like 75 tons

 

 **underoos:** mr stark!!! it wasnt that bad!

 

 **GBPP:** YOU GOT STABBED

 

 **underoos:** it was more like getting gently poked with a knife! i was fine

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** GENTLY POKED WITH A KNIFE OH MY GOD I CAN'T BREATH

 

 **Natasha:** Child, you were asking for help.

 

 **underoos:** i wasn't thinking straight

 **underoos:** plus i was kinda meaning to text just mr stark but i messed up

 **underoos:** probably shouldve had karen do it for me

 

**(3:31 AM) tonysbabysitter is online**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh no

 

**(3:31 AM) Natasha went offline**

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Wtf, guys go to sleep

 

 **GBPP:** fine MOM

 

 **underoos:** OH NO I HAVE A TEST TOMORROW

 

**(3:32 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** bold of you to assume I sleep

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Go. To. Sleep. You. Morons.

 

 **GBPP:** yeah yeah i get it thanks

 

**(3:33 AM) GBPP went offline**

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** You too, Clint

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** :(

 

**(3:33 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

**(3:34 AM) tonysbabysitter went offline**


	3. thor has arrived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T H O R

**Wednesday, September 26**

 

**(11:28 AM) GBPP added THUNDER to the group chat**

**(11:28 AM) GBPP, THUNDER, CAWCAWMF, (not)aNazi, underoos, and memequeen are online**

 

 **THUNDER:** GREETINGS, MIDGARDIANS

 **THUNDER:** TONY STARK HAS GIVEN ME A SPECIAL PHONE BY WHICH WE CAN COMMUNICATE THROUGH TEXT

 **THUNDER:** HOW ARE ALL OF YOU?

 

 **underoos:** HO LY SHIT IS THAT THOR????

 

 **(not)aNazi:** Language, son.

 

 **underoos:** youre not my dad

 **underoos:** BUT OH MY GO D THATS THOR ISNT IT

 **underoos:** HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT NED IS GONNA FREAK THE FUCK OUT

 

 **memequeen:** stark,, it seems your child is having a seizure,,,

 

 **GBPP:** hell be fine.

 

 **THUNDER:** WHY ARE ALL THE LETTERS BIG WHEN I TYPE THEM?

 **THUNDER:** HOW DO YOU MAKE THEM SMALL

 **THUNDER:** THIS FEELS A LITTLE AGGRESSIVE.

 

 **underoos:** you click the little arrow on the side, mr thor

 

 **THUNDER:** Thank you, underoos.

 

 **GBPP:** dont call him that

 **GBPP:** only i get to call him that

 

 **THUNDER:** Then what is his name?

 

 **GBPP:** none of your business

 

 **underoos:** peter

 

 **GBPP:** damnit kid what the fuck did i say

 

 **underoos:** sorry

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** this whole chat is mess

 **CAWCAWMF:** honestly I love it

 

 **memequeen:** of course you would, birdbrain

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** rude

 

 **memequeen:** but true

 

 **(not)aNazi:** TONY WHAT THE HELL

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh shit he scrolled up didnt he

 

 **(not)aNazi:** HE'S 15?????

 

 **memequeen:** he scrolled up.

 

 **THUNDER:** It appears you have the letters stuck on big, captain. 

 **THUNDER:** You can fix that by clicking the little arrow on the side.

 

 **(not)aNazi:** Thanks, but I know how caps lock works, Thor.

 

 **THUNDER:** What is a caps lock?

 

 **(not)aNazi:** Sweet Jesus I'm leaving.

 

**(11:50 AM) (not)aNazi went offline**

 

 **underoos:** i long for the sweet release of death

 

 **GBPP:** ????????

 

 **THUNDER:**  There's bleach under the sink.

 

 **GBPP:** ????????????????????????

 

 **underoos:** thanks, ill need that in a second

 

 **memequeen:** coward, jump out the window and die with,, style,,,,,

 **memequeen:** and do a flip while youre at it

 

 **GBPP:** ???????????????? kid??????????????

 

 **underoos:** i took a test yesterday and were getting it back now

 **underoos:** oh no my teacher saw me

 **underoos:** i gotta skedaddle, bye

 

**(11:53 AM:) underoos went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** Tony control your child

 

 **GBPP:** do i look like i havent tried

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** I don't know do you

 

 **GBPP:** i hate you

 

**(11:54 AM) GBPP went offline**

 

 **THUNDER:** People have yet to tell me what offline means.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** it means that someone is no longer active on the chat

 

 **THUNDER:** Oh, okay.

 **THUNDER:** Is it alright if I go offline?

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** sure whatever

 

 **THUNDER:** Many thanks, Eye of Hawk.

 

**(11:56 AM) THUNDER went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** cool its just me n u now Shuri

 

 **memequeen:** no

 

**(11:56 AM) memequeen went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** awh

 **CAWCAWMF:** :(

 

**(11:57 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhhhhhhhhh


	4. bi ker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S I M B A

**Thursday, September 27**

 

**(12:00 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** happy new year

 

**(12:01 AM) underoos went offline**

** (4:20 AM) underoos is online **

 

 **underoos:** 420 blaze it

 

**(4:20 AM) underoos went offline**

**(8:09 AM) GBPP, Natasha, CAWCAWMF, THUNDER, ÙwÚ, underoos, and memequeen are online**

 

 **GBPP:** kid what the actual fuck

 

 **THUNDER:** What does "420 blaze it" mean, young Peter?

 

 **underoos:** its the weed time

 

 **ÙwÚ:** Excuse me, but what the fuck

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** B L A Z E  I T

 

 **ÙwÚ:** Don't do drugs, Peter.

 

 **THUNDER:** What's a weed?

 

 **memequeen:** IM CALLING THE POLICE

 

 **Natasha:** 911 what's your emergency?

 

 **underoos:** SDJKHKFKJSDBJ N ATASHA

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** mary, is that a police?!

 **CAWCAWMF:** I'm calling the weed!

 

 **Natasha:** 420 whatchu smokin?

 

 **memequeen:** this is officially the best day of my life,,,

 

 **underoos:** i agree

 

 **THUNDER:** I would like some weed.

 

 **GBPP:**  OH MY GOD THOR DONT ENCOURAGE THEM

 

 **THUNDER:** It appears you have the lock of caps on, Stark.

 **THUNDER:** I suggest that you click the little arrow on the side to turn it off, so as to not come off as aggressive.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** I am the arrow

 **CAWCAWMF:** click me

 

 **GBPP:** .

 

 **ÙwÚ:** Is no one going to address the fact that Peter said "happy new year" today at midnight?

 **ÙwÚ:** Despite the fact that it's September 27th??

 

 **underoos:** do you remember

 

 **memequeen:** t h e  2 1 s t  n i g h t  o f  s e p t e m b e r ?

 

 **underoos:** no

 **underoos:** do you remember

 

 **memequeen:**  t h e  2 1 s t  n i g h t  o f  s e p t e m b e r ?

 

 **underoos:** LET ME SPEAK PLEASE

 **underoos:** as i was saying,

 **underoos:** do yall remember how I said my new year's res was going to be to try not to fail any quizzes or tests this year?

 

 **GBPP:** no

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** no

 

 **ÙwÚ:** What?

 

 **memequeen:** we dont keep track of that stuff, idiot

 

 **Natasha:** yeah

 

 **THUNDER:** What's a new years res?

 

 **underoos:** well i got my geo test back yesterday

 **underoos:** and it seems i was unable to keep my new years revolution so

 **underoos:** happy new year time to make a new one

 

 **memequeen:** revolution

 

 **GBPP:** HWAT

 **GBPP:** KID HOW

 

 **underoos:** yeah i got a 34%

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** nice

 

 **Natasha:** Wow good job.

 

**(8:59 AM) THUNDER went offline**

 

 **GBPP:** kid you did so bad you scared thor away with your terrible grade.

 **GBPP:** good luck getting into MIT with a 34% in geography

 **GBPP:** shit kid i really don't know what to say

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** well done Pete, you've left even the great Tony Stark at a loss for words

 

 **underoos:** | || || |_

 **underoos:** wait hold on

 **underoos:** it says 3/4 whoops

 **underoos:** to be fair the line wasnt very noticable

 **underoos:** and for some reason she wrote a percent afterwards.

 **underoos:** so it says "3/4 %"

 **underoos:** who does that

 **underoos:** guys?

 

 **GBPP:** sorry, needed a moment there to take in your stupidity

 

 **memequeen:** This is T'Challa. Why is my sister on the floor crying?

 

 **GBPP:** did i not add you to the chat

 

 **memequeen:** You did not.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh my god someone add him

 

 **Natasha:** What crow food said. Add him.

 

 **GBPP:** yeah yeah I will

 

 **ÙwÚ:** What even is this anymore

 

 **memequeen:** Is no one going to answer me? Why does my sister sound like she's dying?

 

**(9:23 AM) GBPP added Simba to the group chat**

 

 **memequeen:** why would you add my brother to the chat hes such a killjoy

 

 **Simba:** Out of concern, sister. You sounded like you'd been hit by a truck.

 

 **memequeen:** I WAS LAUGHING YOU IDIOT

 

 **underoos:** ah, siblings

 

 **memequeen:** dont you dare patronize me mr 'i thought i got a 34 on a geography test when in reality it was 3/4 i just read it wrong"

 

 **underoos:** too soon,,

 

 **ÙwÚ:** Never too soon to accept your mistakes.

 

 **underoos:** shut up.

 

 **GBPP:** ghasp!!

 **GBPP:** respect your elders, child!!!

 

 **underoos:** shut up 

 

 **ÙwÚ:** Excuse me???

 

**(9:30 AM) Simba went offline**

**(9:30 AM) THUNDER is online**

 

 **underoos:** thor is back!!!!

 

 **memequeen:** careful not to get a boner, you twink

 

 **underoos:** SHURI WHAT THE F U C K

 

 **GBPP:** i never want to hear you say that again.

 

 **ÙwÚ:** I am crying this is pure gold

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** does Peter Parks is gay?

 

 **underoos:** you know my last name??????????

 **underoos:** and uh actually bi

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** okay 1. did you just come out to us on the group chat 

 **CAWCAWMF:** and 2. i just made up a random last name that i thought went well with your first name and the original phrase

 

 **underoos:** that may explain why you didn't get it exactly right

 

 **GBPP:** kid stop fucking giving them hints

 

 **Natasha:** his last names parker

 

 **GBPP:** fuck

 

 **underoos:** they were bound to find out eventually

 **underoos:** i wouldnt be surprised if nat knew the whole time

 

 **Natasha:** I knew the whole time.

 

 **underoos:** but it means now you dont have an excuse for me to not meet them anymore!!!

 **GBPP:** f u c  k

 **GBPP:** i hate everything

 

**(9:37 AM) THUNDER added 1-888-447-5594 to the group chat**

 

 **GBPP:** who the fuck is that

 

 **1-888-447-5594:** your saviour

 

 **GBPP:** no really thor who the fuck is that

 

 **THUNDER:** How does one sent a name for another?

 

 **GBPP:** i cant tell you in case cap sees and changes his name

 

 **THUNDER:** Ah. Well, there goes the big reveal

 

 **1-888-447-5594:** Thor i swear to odin if you tell them

 

 **GBPP:** its loki isnt it

 

 **THUNDER:** Correct!

 

 **1-888-447-5594:** N O

 

**(9:43 AM) GBPP changed 1-888-447-5594's name to Reindeer Games**

 

 **Reindeer Games:** Don't I get a say in what my name is?

 

 **GBPP:** no.

 

 **underoos:** hi loki!!!

 

 **Reindeer Games:** hello, Peter.

 

 **GBPP:** HOLD ON WHAT

 

 **underoos:** whoops, gotta blast

 

 **GBPP:** OH NO YOU DONT YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW

 

**(9:46 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **GBPP:** LOKI EXPLAIN.

 

 **Reindeer Games:** no

 

 **GBPP:** EX. PLAIN. NOW.

 

 **Reindeer Games:** seeing you so upset is amusing, Stark.

 

 **GBPP:** i hate you

 

 **Reindeer Games:** I am aware ;)

 

**(9:49 AM) Reindeer Games went offline**

 

 **THUNDER:** Awh, brother come back!!

 

**(9:50 AM) THUNDER went offline**

 

 **GBPP:** im gonna go find the kid and make him explain everything right the fuck now goodbye

 

 **memequeen:** cool bye

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** okay

 

 **Natasha:** Good riddance.

 

**(9:53 AM) GBPP went offline**

**(9:54 AM) Natasha, CAWCAWMF, memequeen, and ÙwÚ went offline**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owo i am the meme queen
> 
> call the number.
> 
> i dare you.


	5. spider momma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> m o t h e r

**Friday, September 28**

 

**(2:48 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** i cant sleep

 **underoos:** i must knoweth the answer

 

**(2:48 AM) CAWCAWMF is** **online**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** the answer to what

 

 **underoos:** why is nats name just "Natasha" and not something different

 **underoos:** like even king t'challa has a nickname

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** man idk maybe she's just boring

 

**(2:49 AM) Natasha is online**

 

 **Natasha:** I suggest that you mind your own fucking business

 **Natasha:** No one likes you

 

 **underoos:**  oh. 

 **underoos:** :(

 

 **Natasha:** Not you, Peter. You're a sweetheart and we love having you around.

 

 **underoos:**  oh!!

 **underoos:**  :) <3

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** rude!! lots of people like me

 **CAWCAWMF:** right Pete?

 

 **underoos:** hey nat can i change your name

 

 **Natasha:** Sure, just make it something good.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** hello?

 

 **underoos:** yay!

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** bird being ignored here!!

 

**(2:53 AM) underoos changed Natasha's name to spidermomma**

 

 **spidermomma:** I'm crying this is so sweet and pure 

 **spidermomma:** Oh my god

 

 **underoos:** you like it?!

 

 **spidermomma:** I love it, thank you.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** how is it that one kid can make you cry tears of joy but no one else can

 **CAWCAWMF:** you don't even like kids

 

 **spidermomma:** Peter is an exception. He's great.

 **spidermomma:** I'm going to adopt him.

 

 **underoos:** :OOO

 

 **spidermomma:** \--in the morning.

 **spidermomma:** It is bed time for baby spiders.

 

 **underoos:** awh : <

 **underoos:** goodnight!  <3

 

 **spidermomma:** Goodnight, Peter.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:**  g'night, squirt

 

**(2:56 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** holy shit Nat are you actually crying??

 

 **spidermomma:** He's just

 **spidermomma:**  so pure 

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** I know

 

 **spidermomma:** I want to protect him

 **spidermomma:** He's so innocent and ghgjsdhfdjksdfjb

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** I've heard he has that effect on people

 

 **spidermomma:** I'm going to bed. 

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** of course.

 **CAWCAWMF:** what kind of mother would you be if you didn't lead by example?

 

 **spidermomma:** Shut up, birdbrain.

 

**(2:59 AM) spidermomma went offline**

**(3:00 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**


	6. Death by defenestration.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> de·fen·es·tra·tion  
> dēˌfenəˈstrāSHən  
> noun  
> 1\. the action of throwing someone or something out of a window.  
> "death by defenestration has a venerable history"

**Saturday, September 29**

 

**(8:09 AM) GBPP, underoos, tonysbabysitter, spidermomma, CAWCAWMF, (not)aNazi, buckymorelikesucky, and ihateyou are online**

 

 **underoos:** mr stark

 **underoos:** sam and bucky are sissy fighting again

 

 **GBPP:**  ????????

 **GBPP:** what the fuck do you mean again?

 **GBPP:** they do that????

 

 **underoos:** yeah

 

 **buckymorelikesucky:** Okay, spider shit, where the fuck are you hiding

 

 **underoos:** take a wild fucking guess, buddy

 

 **ihateyou:** give us a Hint

 

 **underoos:** awak

 **underoos:** okaay

 **underoos:** uhhh

 **underoos:** clint.

 

 **buckymorelikesucky:** The fuck does that mean??

 

 **ihateyou:** he's in The vents, let's Go Asshole

 

 **underoos:** fuck shit

 **underoos:** i wasnt expecting them to figure it out taht quickly

 

 **GBPP:** o shuiit

 

 **(not)aNazi:** Does anyone in this chat have manners?

 

 **underoos:** no.

 

 **(not)aNazi:** It seems I am the only one.

 

 **underoos:** are you kidding me? 

 **underoos:** you're the least mannered of all of us

 

 **(not)aNazi:** Excuse me?

 

 **underoos:** oh sorry did i offend you mr i nearly killed a person in cold blood and feel no remorse for it

 

 **(not)aNazi:** What the everloving hell are you talking about, child?

 

 **underoos:** oh, i think you know exactly what im talking about

 **underoos:** you left him to die.

 

 **(not)aNazi:**  Look, he would have deserved it.

 

 **underoos:**  sorry to break it to you, but nobody deserves to die.

 **underoos:**  nobody.

 **underoos:**  and apparently you're supposed to be the picture-perfect man

 

 **(not)aNazi:** I can name plenty of people who deserve to die.

 

 **underoos:**  no, you can't. although your value as a human being comes from the amount of people who care about you and the people you care about, the value of a human life is 100% constant. if one person 'deserves' to die, then so does everybody else. you can't just decide who deserves to live. you aren't God. it's not your decision to make. 

 **underoos:**  so, get off of your high fucking horse and wake the fuck up. it's not all about you.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** fucking SNAP.

 **CAWCAWMF:** PREACH, CHILD!!

 

 **GBPP:** oh my god, thats my kid

 

 **(not)aNazi:** Fair enough, son.

 

 **underoos:**  don't call me that. you don't get that privilege. tony may have a long list of character flaws, but he's TRYING. and that's what matters the most. 

 

 **(not)aNazi:** Okay, Peter. I am sorry, Tony, I shouldn't have said that.

 **(not)aNazi:** But, I am not sorry for fighting back. I did it once, and I'd do it again.

 

**(8:19 AM) underoos changed (not)aNazi's name to CaptainAcceptance**

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** Okay.

 

 **underoos:** mr stark, can i change your name???

 **underoos:** i dont even know what gbpp means

 

 **GBPP:** genius billionaire playboy philanthropist

 **GBPP:** but yes, as long as its a gem like nats

 

 **underoos:** yes!!

 

**(8:21 AM) underoos changed GBPP's name to irondad**

 

 **underoos:** : >

 

 **irondad:** holy fucking shit, that's adorable

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** Language.

 

 **irondad:** youre just upset you didnt get a pure and adorable name

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** No, just watch your language.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** he's upset. 

 

 **spidermomma:** I, for one, love my pure and adorable nickname.

 

 **irondad:** same here.

 

 **underoos:** !!!!!!!!! :D

 

 **buckymorelikesucky:** Can i have a cute nickname????

 

 **underoos:** yes!!

 

**(8:22 AM) underoos changed buckymorelikesucky's name to birduncle#2**

 

 **birduncle#2:** Who's bird uncle #1??

 

 **underoos:** clint

 

 **birduncle#2:** GHASP

 **birduncle#2:** WHAT IS THIS BETRAYAL

 

 **underoos:** sorry?

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** AWH!!!

 **CAWCAWMF:** I'm gonna change my name to that!

 

 **irondad:** just wait for it

 

**(8:24 AM) CAWCAWMF changed CAWCAWMF's name to CAWCAWMF**

**(8:24 AM) CAWCAWMF changed CAWCAWMF's name to CAWCAWMF**

**(8:24 AM) CAWCAWMF changed CAWCAWMF's name to CAWCAWMF**

**(8:24 AM) CAWCAWMF changed CAWCAWMF's name to CAWCAWMF**

**(8:24 AM) CAWCAWMF changed CAWCAWMF's name to CAWCAWMF**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** why won't it change??????

 

 **irondad:** because i made this chat so i made the rules

 **irondad:** simple.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** but why can Pete do it??

 

 **irondad:** because hes the only one i trust with it

 **irondad:** also because all hes gonna do is melt everyones heart with how fuckin cute he is

 

 **underoos:** im!! not cute!!!

 **underoos:** i am a STRONG child!

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** adorable..

 

 **underoos:** no!!

 

 **ihateyou:** smol Child

 

 **underoos:** that can stop a bus with his bare hands!!!

 

 **birduncle#2:** so pure.

 

 **underoos:** i will defenestrate you

 

 **birduncle#2:** I don't know what that means but i'm scared anyway

 

 **spidermomma:**  It means to throw someone out of a window.

 

 **ihateyou:** There's a Word for that??

 

 **irondad:** okay listen here, you long-haired bitch

 **irondad:** learn how to capitalize properly or get off my fucking chat

 

 **underoos:** hate to break it to you, mr stark, but you dont captalize properly either

 

 **irondad:** no, i choose a case and i commit.

 **irondad:** this vibranium fucker over here cant figure out where the capital goes.

 **irondad:** if you cant rememeber basic english, speak in all lowercase or all uppercase.

 **irondad:** no one wants to deal with your shit

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** Don't be mean to him!

 

 **ihateyou:** no They have A point

 

 **underoos:** please pick one,,,

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yeah, we hate it

 

 **underoos:** dont b mean!!!

 

 **birduncle#2:**  No it's cool, he's a pile of shit anyway

 

 **underoos:**  ᵗʰᵃᵗˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ⁿᶦᶜᵉᵎᵎ

 

 **ihateyou:** how is he Doing that

 

 **irondad:** PICK. ONE.

 

 **ihateyou:** OKAY,

 **ihateyou:** HOW IS HE dOING THAT

 

 **birduncle#2:** wtf

 

 **underoos:** he's doing that to mess with us

 **underoos:** and tbh i support it

 **underoos:** you got me good

 

 **irondad:** okay, pete, serious question.

 

 **underoos:** oh would you look at the time

 

 **irondad:** kid, no, stay

 **irondad:** are you being bullied?

 **irondad:** because i just got off of the phone with may and she mentioned some flash kid was bothering you.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh yikes, protective dad in the area, beware

 

 **irondad:** stfu

 **irondad:** kid?

 

 **underoos:** oh my oh dear i have to get back to school bye education is important

 

 **birduncle#2:** Wait hold on

 

 **underoos:** come to think of it, all of you should be going soon too

 

 **spidermomma:** Child, don't do it.

 

 **underoos:** GOODBYE

 

**(8:43 AM) underoos kicked spidermomma, birduncle#2, CAWCAWMF, CaptainAcceptance, ihateyou, and tonysbabysitter offline**

 

 **underoos:** wait how long was mr rhodey here

 

 **irondad:** kid wtf

 

 **underoos:** SO LONG

 

 **irondad:** GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

 **irondad:** I KNOW FOR A FACT YOURE NOT IN SCHOOL

 

 **underoos:** WYM??

 

 **irondad:** KID.

 **irondad:** ITS SATURDAY

 

 **underoos:** HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT

 

**(8:45 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **irondad:** one of these days.

 **irondad:** one of these days he's gonna get it

 

 **(8:45 AM) irondad went offline**  


	7. whoopsie doopsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh dear oh my

**Monday, October 1**

 

**(12:00 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **underoos:** ITS HALLOWEEN THE 1ST

 

**(12:00 AM) CAWCAWMF and birduncle#2 are online**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** pete what the fuck

 

 **birduncle#2:** I stan one child.

 

 **underoos:** yay!!! the bird uncles are online!!

 **underoos:** oh hey can you guys ask bruce something for me

 

 **birduncle#2:** Sure, what is it?

 

 **underoos:** well like its been on my mind since like forever and it keeps me up at night

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yeah and you keep us up at night but go on

 

 **underoos:** but yeah ask bruce if..

 **underoos:** iff

 

 **birduncle#2:** It's okay, take your time.

 

 **underoos:** on second thought nvm

 **underoos:** ill just ask him myself on saturday

 

**(12:06 AM) ÙwÚ is online**

 

 **ÙwÚ:** ask me what?  >.>

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** he's right, you can't just leave us hanging like that

 

 **birduncle#2:** Yeah blease go on bruce is right here

 

 **underoos:** okay so bruce

 

 **ÙwÚ:** yes?

 

 **underoos:** when you turn into the other guy,,

 **underoos:** does your dick also grow in proportion to the rest of your body or does the hulk just have a really tiny dick???/

 

 **ÙwÚ:** WHAT THE ACTUAL F U C K

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** careful, cap might hear you

 **CAWCAWMF:** but also what the gosh darn h*ck kid where in the fresh titty did that come from

 

 **birduncle#2:** Why did you censor heck

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** because it's a fucking bad word

 

 **underoos:** classic jape

 **underoos:** unoriginal clint but classic

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh no you don't the subject of conversation has NOT changed

 **CAWCAWMF:** what even made you think that in the first place????

 

 **underoos:** I DONT KNOW

 

 **birduncle#2:**  Yeah seriously what the fuck

 

 **underoos:** Do not cross me, Sam.

 

 **birduncle#2:** wtf???????????

 

 **underoos:** There is much about me you do not know.

 **underoos:** You are lucky Peter has taken a liking to you.

 **underoos:** Otherwise..

**underoos: Y̷̡̛̛̙͓͉̺͓̺̼̲͍̤̠̟̫̫̫͛̃̄̐̓̌́̎̽̂̄̋̚͠͠͝͝͝O̵̧̝̝̳̰͔̞͈̮͎̪̱̹̻̺̰̩̳̓͛̂͗͒̆̽̀̂̃̑̐̍̉͋̃̍͜͠͝Ų̶̛̣̬͖͍̩̮̻͚͊̔͋̒͛́̐̾͊̑̆́̓͛́̏͋̚̚ͅ ̷̰̖̺̞̲̘͓̫̰̱̳͔̼͚̣̥̣͕̌͛̌̑̌͂̉̿̉͒̂̌̓͛̍͐͊͘͠M̴̡̘̠͆̈́̇̓ͅͅA̸̡̫̻͎̫̬͑̀̍̑͂͐̂̓̆̈̐̈́̉̒͊͗̓͝Y̵̢̪̰̩̮͍̺͍̣̝̰̤͎̣̔̽͊͌̅͘͜ ̸̢̧̢̪̟̰̭͉̗͙̖̖͈̻̳̌̅͐̆̏̀̕N̷̳̙̘̝̮̞̹̮̣͉̫̍̎͑͋̈̔̕ͅŌ̶͈̠͈̖̥̖̪̝͖̻̠͖͍͋̉́́̿̌͒͝T̷̢̥͓̏̾́͆̓̉̌͗̀̆͗̄̆̈́͂̍͌̉̕̚͝ ̴̢̝̣̺͎̠̻̥͚͂̓̔͛͋̉͊̄̑̄̎̓͜͜͝͝ͅB̴̡̨͈͔̥͇̭̱̠͖̱̔͊̓͜͜ͅË̸̢̡̛̩̲̭͔͇̹̩̫̥̪̱̺̤̝́̆͆̊̌̅͆̉̇̐̓͑̈̽̂̎̈́͛̃͌͘͜͜͝ ̵̧͔̖̲̦̟̦̫̗̹͍̬̹̜̹͇̤̦͙̟̈́̓̅Ą̴̡̧͓͈̳͈̝̰̟̮̬̫̩̄͆̉̅̐̒͆́͊̎̾͑̆͘̕͝B̴̨̜͈̪͎͉̼̫̗̝̬͓͎̂̀̈́̎͂̐͌̍̅͒̄͑͘͘̚͜͠L̶̨̧̧̞̥͔̝̲̯͍̳͚̓͛̓̑͌̌̐̄͒̈̅̆̅͛͝E̷̢̡͉͙̟͔͈̝̲͍̾̓̄̐͂̓̑̄̌̍͛́̐͌̔͘͝͝ ̶̨̛̩̭͉̰̣̣̫̠̻̙̘̭̩̺̮͔͙̥̪͉̦̉̋͌̈́̍̃́͂̆͘͜͝T̷̨̰̣̰̻̎͛͊̕͠O̴̰̘͈̿͛̀̌͋̈ ̷̧̢̳̫͈̱̫͉͉̗̅̇̾̿̑̒F̸̡̣͔̪̬̯̘̙̩̮̼̭̔̚͜I̶̢̢̟͖̱͍̲͈͔̫̼̟̩̻̬̘̘̪̳̮̬͎͓͐͂͛́͂͐̊̆̈́̒̅͘͜͝͝ͅǸ̸̢̝̪͈̝̤͚͍̼̮̫͕̈D̴̡̟͚̭͖͈̘͔͇̥͕̣̩̟̜̺̹̖̞͙̜̈́̉͋̄̽̾̇̈́̐̈́̓̈̒̕̚͘͘͘͘ͅͅ ̵̢̧̛̫̪̭̝͔̮̲̻̝̥̠͎̟͒̍̾̔́͝Y̶̡̛̛̞̞̼̭̹͍̺͍̻̝̥̦͒͝͝Ȏ̷͎̅̈́̊͂̋́̊̑̈́̀͆͌͛̌̿̿̚͘͝Ų̶̢̛̗̙͉̙̖̩̣̜͙̭̭̯̪̜͎̙͂͗͆͗̈̍́͐̅͋̇͆͒̑͑̌̓͒̿͂̓̕͘͠Ŗ̶̝̻̝̞̘̺̦͒͒̌̎̋ ̵̧̧̩͉̫̟͙͖͔̜̼́̿̈́͒͊͐̿W̵̨̪̪͍̳̰͙̭̰̤̼̞͖̯̘͒̀̽̆̈́̽͛͋̔̈́̅̆̃͑̍̔̐͘̕͜͝Ą̴̡̢̨̡̛̝͈͓͖̲͔̥̪̭̯̹͔̺̞̖̗̠̭̌͆̐̌̓̅͊ͅŶ̶͕͉̥ ̷̡̢͖̳̺̖͈̖̞̓̔̓͋͆̑͛̊̑̉̾̄̐̏͑͑̕͘B̸̛̘͎̂̓̍̋̾̇͂͐͛̄͐̐͊̆̕͝͝Ǎ̷̧̫͔͎̮̞͖͍̖̫̭̪̥͙̻̠̽̀͂͛̊̐͑̚͝C̸̢̬̭̤̲͎͕͚̲͝K̵̢̨̧̨̳͍̮͇̺͕̺̦̙͈͔̗͇̜̦̏̊͒̎̏͑͋͊̏̍̽̐̋̈́̿̚͝͝͠ ̶̡̀̒̊̿̈̿͗̃̔̽͋̄̂̆͒͊̀̉̋̕̕͜͝T̷͓͇̖̼̼̫͑͌̔̇̊̋̑͆̋̈̿̋̇͌̒̂̽̊̆́̊̚̚̚̚Ơ̶͖̎͂̌̾̓͂͋̚͜͝ͅ ̸̰̩̪̙̖̟̤̪̹̤̟̠͎̞̪͔̠̫̠̗̦̦̲͊̎̅͛̌͊̈́̂̈́̾͝T̴̩̭̺̰̯̬̣̘͓̟̟͒͛ͅH̴̲̰̘̙̘̼̥̠͆̏͂̐̈́̔̏̉̒̆̀͐̇̔̾̈̃͐̆́̽͠Ḭ̷̮̞͎̭͎͚̜͈̻̳̪͕̗͊̊̔̿̕ͅS̶̢̧͖̙̭̬̆̐̉͑̌̍͋̽̾͛͊͒̽̇̿͋͘̚͜͝͝ ̷̛̜̝̳̥͙̮͒̄͐̇͐̀͛͑̆̽͐̕̕͝Ḑ̸̠̫̼͎̟̝̼̺̦͎͖̮̱̹̹̖̗̩̳̰̒̈́̉̅̂̿͊͐̔͒̌́̕I̶̡̡̛͔̳̯͙͕͈̳͙͇̜̾͂̈́̿͌̎̾̾̈́͗̂̽͗͊͜͝M̷̛̲͙̑͋̐̈́͌̀͊Ę̴̧̬̻̞͉̪̱̈́̎͆̉̑̌̉͜N̵̨̢̢̥͈͔̻̯̥̖̙̲̦̙̜͚̥̻̥̦̞̥̏̽̍̓͒̏̒̎̐̈́̏̃͋̋̈́͜S̶̨̡̮̪͇͕͓̤͚͉̜̰̰͖͙̘͎̗̩̬̠͚̾̄̔̈́̅̈́̇͌̚̕͘͝Į̷͔̫͍̼̽̈́͐̇̈́̔̊́̔͐̽̓̈͆̈́͗̍ͅO̷̧̧̻͙̜̹̲̣̙̰̬̜̰̎̏͗͑̓͠N̴̢̢̛̛̟̹̤̞̲̲̔̅̈̊͗̈́̌̀̉͑͛̚͜͠͠͝͝**

 

 **birduncle#2:** WHAT IN THE SHIT DOES THAT MEAN

 **birduncle#2:** WHY IS YOUR MESSAGE SOMEHOW GOING INTO MINE

 **birduncle#2:** OH MY GOD I'M TERRIFIED

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** someone's having a bit too much fun on zalgo

 

 **birduncle#2:** HOW ARE YOU SO CHILL I THINK PETER JUST THREATENED TO KILL ME

 

 **underoos:** Well, it is 12:14 on a Monday morning, so it would follow my regular schedule.

 

 **birduncle#2:** What the dick does that even mean???

 

 **ÙwÚ:** "What the dick"- Sam Wilson, 2018

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** tag urself I'm dick

 

 **underoos:** we know you are.

 **underoos:** shit i think my aunt is up

 **underoos:** she mustve heard me laughing

 **underoos:** shit shit shit shit

 **underoos:** she knows i usually cant sleep but im not allowed to be on my phone fuck

 

**(12:16 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what does he mean he usually can't sleep?

 

 **birduncle#2:** Exactly what it says on the tin buddy

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** I know I know, 

 **CAWCAWMF:** I was just hoping it meant something different.

 **CAWCAWMF:** he's so young, he doesn't deserve this,,

 

 **birduncle#2:** Yeah...

 

 **ÙwÚ:** woah, clint actually being serious for once

 **ÙwÚ:** never thought I'd see the day,

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** maybe because this IS serious, Bruce

 **CAWCAWMF:** and don't say that, you sound like Tony and that's not a good thing

 

 **birduncle#2:** You know, i think i'm going to go to bed.

 

 **ÙwÚ:** yeah me too.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** ditto

 

**(12:21 AM) CAWCAWMF, birduncle#2, and ÙwÚ went offline**

**(9:05 AM) irondad, spidermomma, ihateyou, tonysbabysitter, Simba, popnlock, THUNDER, CAWCAWMF, Reindeer Games, underoos, and ISeeYou are online**

 

 **irondad:** woah this is the most people weave ever had on at once

 

 **Simba:** *we've

 

 **THUNDER:** It does appear so, Dad of Iron.

 **THUNDER:** Who are you, again?

 

 **underoos:** *distant snickering*

 

 **spidermomma:** That's Tony, Thor.

 

 **THUNDER:** Ah, I see. And you are?

 

 **spidermomma:** Natasha.

 

 **THUNDER:** And underoos is the Man of Spiders, correct?

 

 **underoos:** spooderman

 

 **popnlock:** spookyman

 

 **underoos:** HALLOWEEN

 

 **Reindeer Games:** Child, are you not meant to be in school?

 

 **underoos:** i have a free, loki :0

 

 **Reindeer Games:**  Understandable, have a nice day.

 

 **underoos:** UYSDKEFVYBUWBEVYUBINWBUVEJYEJBK

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** peter.exe has stopped working

 

 **THUNDER:** BROTHER!!! YOU ARE BACK!!!!!!!

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Caps lock is on, Thor.

 

 **THUNDER:** OH? IT APPEARS SO

 **THUNDER:** HOW DOES ONE TURN IT OFF AGAIN?

 

 **Reindeer Games:** I am surrounded by idiots.

 

 **underoos:** aww

 

 **Reindeer Games:** I am surrounded by idiots and one small child.

 

 **underoos:** yay!!

 

 **Reindeer Games:** Good child. Much love.

 

 **underoos:** jhfshjskjhskjbeajkb thank you uncle loki!!!!!

 

 **irondad:** EX FUCKING CUSE ME??

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** yeah what the fuck

 

 **underoos:** hes not that bad!!

 

 **Reindeer Games:** I have adopted the child, and I am now his uncle.

 

 **THUNDER:** WELL DONE, BROTHER! YOU HAVE MADE A FRIEND!!

 

 **Reindeer Games:** Shut up, moron.

 

 **ISeeYou:** Hello.

 

 **underoos:** ominous

 

 **popnlock:**  hello

 

 **ISeeYou:** I am a robot.

 **ISeeYou:** You are all talking to a robot.

 

 **underoos:** wow amazing thanks for enlightening me

 

 **spidermomma:** Vision, what are you doing?

 

 **ISeeYou:** Getting nachos for myself and Wanda.

 

 **Simba:** *Wanda and I

 

 **ISeeYou:** No, myself and Wanda.

 **ISeeYou:** If wanted the nachos for just me, I would say I am getting nachos for myself. 

 **ISeeYou:** It is myself.

 

 **Simba:** I am fully aware.

 **Simba:** That was Shuri.

 **Simba:** :/

 

 **underoos:** there is no emoticon with the same energy as :/

 

 **ihateyou:** not Even :T

 

 **underoos:** definitely not

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** bucky Why do you Type like This

 

 **ihateyou:** because i Fucking can

 

 **irondad:** dont let your boyfriend hear you say that

 

 **ihateyou:** ????????????????

 

 **spidermomma:** You and Steve aren't exactly subtle.

 **spidermomma:** [stuckycuddles.png]

 

 **ihateyou:** we're??? not Dating??????

 

 **underoos:** but are you dating

 

 **ihateyou:** i Just said i'm Not

 

 **underoos:** no, you said you werent Dating

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** aw SNAP

 

 **irondad:** stfu clint

 **irondad:** no one asked

 

 **Reindeer Games:** Why is Thor crying.

 

 **THUNDER:** BECAUSE THE SMALL CHILD IS SO PRECIOUS

 

 **irondad:** what?

 

 **underoos:** imma hanging out with thor and loki mr stark B)

 

 **THUNDER:** AND HE IS SO SMALL.

 

 **underoos:** am not!!!!

 

 **Reindeer Games:** You really are, Peter.

 

 **underoos:** :(

 

 **irondad:** kid, what did i fucking tell you

 

 **underoos:** not to reveal my identity

 

 **irondad:** and what did you do?

 

 **underoos:** revealed my identity.

 

 **irondad:** it was bad enough they knew your first and last name, but this isnt acceptable kid.

 

**(9:18 AM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

**(9:18 AM) irondad went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh shit

 

 **spidermomma:** He's going to have loads of fun.

 

 **THUNDER:** LOKI AND I ARE GOING TO LEAVE! APPARENTLY WE NEED TO GET OUT OF THE WAY OF STARK'S WRATH.

 

 **Reindeer Games:** That's right.

 

**(9:20 AM) Reindeer Games and THUNDER went offline**

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** You know, I never thought I'd see the day when Tony parented someone

 

**(9:20 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** HAHA!

 **underoos:** HE CANT BOOT ME OFF THE SERVER IF HES NOT HERE!

 

**(9:21 AM) irondad is online**

 

 **underoos:** oh fuck i gotta run

 

 **irondad:** yeah kid, thats right

 **irondad:** you better fucking run

 

**(9:22 AM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

**(9:22 AM) irondad went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** holyy shit he's in trouble

 

 **Simba:** *holy

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** fuck off, furry

 

 **Simba:** Okay.

 

**(9:24 AM) Simba went offline**

 

 **ISeeYou:** Wanda and I are really enjoying this movie.

 

 **popnlock:** babe get off your fucking phone

 

 **ISeeYou:** Alright then. Goodbye, everyone!

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** so fucking long, dipshits

 

 **spidermomma:** Don't be fucking rude, Clint.

 

**(9:25 AM) ISeeYou and popnlock went offline**

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** this chat was a mistake

 

**(9:26 AM) tonysbabysitter went offline**

 

 **ihateyou:** why Are we even Here

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** ah, that is the real question, isn't it?

 

 **ihateyou:** no i Did'nt mean it Like That

 

 **spidermomma:** Okay seriously Bucky, you can't even put the apostrophe in the right place?

 

 **ihateyou:** i Can

 **ihateyou:** i just Choose Not to

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** you complete and utter heathen

 

 **ihateyou:** oh no steve Needs Me

 **ihateyou:** good Bye

 

**(9:28 AM) ihateyou went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** does he have to do that

 

 **spidermomma:** Apparently so.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** ugh

 

 **spidermomma:** Yeah.

 **spidermomma:** I'm leaving. I suggest you do too, Clint.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yeah okay I will

 

**(9:30 AM) CAWCAWMF and spidermomma went offline**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i happened to see another group chat fic with some very similar names to mine, and with bucky speaking the same way he did in this, and hey i dont think im very original and it may not even be intentional but i. still feel happy i was able to inspire someone ;00000


	8. yeehaw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two updates in one day?? what is this????????
> 
> and yeah, i think that other fic was heavily influenced by mine,, which is kinda cool :0

**Tuesday, October 2**

 

**(4:33 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW

 

**(4:33 AM) underoos went offline**

**(6:00 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** why wont god just fucking kill me

 

**(6:00 AM) ANTONY:(( , spidermomma, and CAWCAWMF are online**

 

 **ANTONY:(( :**  are you okay????

 

 **underoos:** absolutely not, thanks for asking

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** history repeats itself.

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** what?

 

 **spidermomma:** Yes, do explain yourself Clint.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** [chatscreenshot422yx.png]

 

 **underoos:** whoops

 

 **spidermomma:** Amazing.

 

 **underoos:** but yeah i have a spanish quiz today and guess who didnt study lmao

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** ayy

 

 **underoos:** ayy

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** lmao

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** lmao

 

 **underoos:** lmao

 

 **spidermomma:** Is this a cult

 

 **underoos:** yes

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** no

 **CAWCAWMF:** pete why would you expose us like this

 

 **underoos:** hey clint?

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yes?

 

 **underoos:** WAKE UP AND SMELL THE KOOL AID

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** wow that's kind of aggressive

 **ANTONY:(( :** i feel kinda threatened

 

 **underoos:** exactly.

 

**(6:11 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** awh the life of the party left

 **CAWCAWMF:** guess I'm going too then

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** awww no don't go!!

 

 **spidermomma:**  Good riddance

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** :OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **spidermomma:** What?

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** that was so RUDE!

 

 **spidermomma:** Why do you care?

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yeah scott this is literally how we always interact

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** it's still not nice!

 

 **spidermomma:** So what?

 

**(6:14 AM) CAWCAWMF and spidermomma went offline**

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** wow this is lonely

 **ANTONY:(( :** now i'm sad

 

**(6:16 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** DONT BE SAD

 **underoos:** B E  G L A D

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** umm what

 

**(6:17 AM) underoos went offline**

**(6:18 AM) ANTONY:((  went offline**

**(10:02 AM) irondad, birduncle#2, underoos, CaptainAcceptance, and ihateyou are online**

 

 **irondad:** kid why the fuck are you always up so early

 

 **underoos:** because nightmare suck ass

 

 **irondad:** im

 **irondad:** you can always talk to me?? kid???????

 

 **underoos:** i know its just stupid sometimes

 

 **irondad:** kid.

 **irondad:** having nightmares isnt "stupid"

 **irondad:** hell, i have nightmares all the time

 **irondad:** its nothing to be ashamed of

 **irondad:** i just find it helps when i talk to people

 

 **underoos:** you have nightmares?

 

 **irondad:** kinda comes with the line of business, kid

 

 **underoos:** oh.

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** We all have nightmares, Peter.

 **CaptainAcceptance:** I have to sleep in Bucky's room so that when he wakes up from a nightmare I'm there to help.

 

 **underoos:** ((and so you can fuck him

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** W h at

 

 **irondad:** great job kid you turned this serious discussion into a shitpost

 

 **underoos:** aw thanks dad

 

 **birduncle#2:** Did you just call Tony dad oh my god

 **birduncle#2:** You're so pure, holy hecc

 

 **underoos:** : >

 

 **ihateyou:** he is Quite pure

 

 **underoos:** : <

 

 **ihateyou:** oH NO WHY IS THE CHILD SAD

 

 **underoos:** you type weird

 

 **ihateyou:** oh, Sorry

 

 **underoos:** : <

 

 **irondad:** furry

 

 **underoos:** :' <

 

 **irondad:** no dont cry!!!

 

 **underoos:** :" <

 

 **irondad:** noooooooo!!!!!!!!

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** Hey, we should all meet back together at some point

 **CaptainAcceptance:** We haven't had a team day since the Accords.

 **CaptainAcceptance:**  Peter could come, too!

 

 **underoos:**  YEAHHHH!!!!!

 

 **irondad:** absolutely not.

 

 **underoos:** awh come on mr stark pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaase

 

 **irondad:** no

 

 **underoos:** but they already know who i am!

 

 **irondad:** i have a plan

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:**  What does that mean?

 

 **irondad:** shhhhhhhhhh

 

**(10:11 AM) underoos and irondad went offline**

 

 **birduncle#2:** Suspicious.

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** Incredibly so.

 

 **ihateyou:** maybe I'ts something Fun

 

 **birduncle#2:** Holy fuck please st o p

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** Hey! Language! There are kids on this chat!

 

 **birduncle#2:** Oh come ON Pete's 15 and he swears anyway

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** >:/

 

 **birduncle#2:** Woah woah okay I get it

 

**(10:14 AM) birduncle#2 and CaptainAcceptance went offline**

**(10:15 AM) ihateyou went offline**

 


	9. ....hello?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whoops yalls gon need a new thingy for names lmao
> 
> fastandfurious: Flash  
> underoos: Peter  
> pickles: Ned  
> unwantedvegetables: MJ  
> lincoln: Abe  
> Betty: Betty  
> AAUU: Sally  
> SPACE O.O: Cindy  
> Hurricanes: Seymour  
> Harrington: Mr. Harrington

**(11:23 AM) unwantedvegetables created a group chat with underoos, pickles, lincoln, fastandfurious, and 5 others on Tuesday, October 2nd**

 

**Tuesday, October 2**

**(11:23 AM) unwantedvegetables, underoos, pickles, lincoln, fastandfurious, Betty, and AAUU are online**

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** here you go, now stop fucking complaining.

 

 **underoos:** :000 language!

 

 **fastandfurious:** Shut up penis

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** eugene if you want to stay in this chat i highly suggest you think long and hard about what you say to the members of the team.

 

 **pickles:** Uhm why do we need a group chat

 

 **AAUU:** to communicate, silly!!!!

 

 **Betty:** Peter what does underoos mean

 

 **underoos:** oh its nothing really 

 **underoos:** just a nickknameee i guesas

 **underoos:**  (・・；)

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** you're all idiots

 

 **underoos:** :(

 **underoos:** thatss not nice : <

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** do i look like i give a fuck

 

 **lincoln:** betty your nickname is sad

 

 **pickles:** Yeah

 

 **Betty:** Because im not a weirdo

 

 **AAUU:** hey!!!!!!!

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** no bullying on my good christian server.

 

 **fastandfurious:** sure whatever like anyones gonna listen

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** oh i think they will, or they're off the team

 

 **pickles:** :0

 

 **Betty:** Hey maybe we should add mr harrington

 

 **lincoln:** thats actually a really good idea does anyone have his number

 

 **pickles:**  Peter does

 **pickles:**  So he can tell Mr. Harrington ahead of time he wont be able to make it

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** okay then peter you add him

 

 **underoos:** ahah im kinda tired but surefjust a sec

 

* * *

 

 

**(11:31 AM) underoos added Harrington to the group chat**

**(11:31 AM) irondad, underoos, Harrington, CAWCAWMF, memequeen, CaptainAcceptance, spidermomma, and tonybabysitter are online**

 

 **irondad:** peter who the fuck is this

 

 **underoos:**  wait a second

 

 **Harrington:** Peter, who are these people?

 

 **underoos:** ,,,,,, W AIT HOLD ON WHAT

 

 **memequeen:** peter did you just add one of you teachers to the chat

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** How do you know Peter's teacher's name?

 

 **memequeen:** because he talks to me dipshit

 

 **underoos:** SHIT SHIT SHIT HOW DO YOU REMOVE SOMEONE FROMA  GROUP CHAT

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** lmao pete ur in trouble

 

 **spidermomma:** This is no laughing matter, Clint

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** it kinda is

 

 **spidermomma:** Okay, but it's still kind of serious.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** fair enough

 

 **Harrington:** Hold on, Clint?

 **Harrington:** And one of you is called "tonysbabysitter"

 **Harrington:** Peter. Did you just add me to a group chat with the actual Avengers.

 

 **underoos:** YES AND I CANT FIRGUE OUT HWO TO REMOVE YOU

 

 **irondad:** hhhh already got you kid

 

**(11:34 AM) irondad removed Harrington from the group chat**

 

 **irondad:** you and i need to have along conversation pete

 

**(11:35 AM) irondad kicked underoos, tonysbabysitter, memequeen, CAWCAWMF, CaptainAcceptance, and spidermomma offline**

** (11:35 AM) irondad went offline **

 

* * *

 

 

** (11:36 AM) underoos added Harrington to the group chat **

** (11:36 AM) Harrington is online **

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** peter what took you so long

 

 **fastandfurious:** yeah????!

 

 **underoos:** there were a couple... technical difficulties

 

 **Harrington:** He added me to the wrong group chat.

 

 **lincoln:** LMAO WHO WAS IN IT

 

 **Harrington:** The Avengers, I think.

 

 **AAUU:** woah seriously?

 

 **underoos:** NO,,,!!!

 

 **Harrington:** Yeah

 

 **pickles:**  Really Peter.

 

 **underoos:** no!!!

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** well done bug boy

 

 **underoos:** dont call me that :(

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** i can call you what i want, peter.

 

 **underoos:** :(((((

 

**(11:38 AM) Harrington went offline**

**(11:39 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **pickles:** Great job MJ you scared Peter off

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** perhaps.

 

**(11:40 AM) unwantedvegetables went offline**

 

 **AAUU:** you guys are kinda boring

 **AAUU:** see you on thursday!!!!!

 

**(11:40 AM) AAUU and Betty went offline**

 

 **pickles:** Betty was still here?

 

 **lincoln:** yup

 **lincoln:** but not anymore

 

**(11:41 AM) lincoln went offline**

 

 **fastandfurious:** ugh now its just me and leeds.  >:T

 

**(11:41 AM) fastandfurious went offline**

**(11:42 AM) pickles went offline**

 


	10. magnus metus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENxbcvUXfnM>

**Wednesday, October 3**

 

**(2:30 AM) underoos is online**

 

**underoos:** haahs lamp guesa whon gpt stabved agaian hahaah

**underoos:** oh hols on yhis isny mr stawj

**underoos:** lamo hahaaha whaoops

 

**(2:32 AM) underoos went offline**

**(5:45 AM) AAUU, Betty, unwantedvegetables, pickles, underoos, and fastandfurious are online**

 

**AAUU:** yoo, guess whos not ready for today,,,,

 

**Betty:** Peter you got WHAT

 

**underoos:** oh man i did actually send that

**underoos:** i thought i imagined that

**underoos:** shit im dead when may finds out qsajbsdbjka

 

**pickles:** Again, Peter?????

**pickles:** That's like the fourth time this week

**pickles:** And it's literally only Wednesday

 

**Betty:** Why is this a regular occurrence??????

**Betty:** How is this a regular occurrence??????????

**Betty:** How are you okay??????

**Betty:** HOLF ON FOURTH TIME??? THIS WEEK???

**Betty:** WTF

 

**unwantedvegetables:** hey can y'all stop talking i'm trying to read

 

**pickles:** Why don't you just... put the chat on dnd

 

**AAUU:** yeah michelle, that would be advised

**AAUU:** also what did peter do 4 times??

 

**underoos:** nothing

 

**Betty:** HE GOT STABBED??? APPARENTLY????

 

**unwantedvegetables:** i am fairly certain this is the most expressive betty has ever been over text

 

**AAUU:** WHAT

**AAUU:** HOW

 

**underoos:** I DIDNT GET STABBED!!!

 

**pickles:** Karen tells me otherwise, Peter :/

 

**fastandfurious:** Who the fuck is Karen?

 

**pickles:** Basically the only thing that has kept Peter from dying all this time

 

**underoos:** i!!! didn't get stabbed!!!

 

**underoos:** you all just imagined it.

 

**AAUU:** no we didn't??

 

**underoos:** hey mj can i be a moderater blease

 

**unwantedvegetables:** only because i trust you. don't make me regret this.\

 

**(5:56 AM) unwantedvegetables made underoos a moderater**

 

**fastandfurious:** Hey! Why does he get to be moderator??

 

**unwantedvegetables:** because he's not a dick and i trust him more than any of you goons

**unwantedvegetables:** also i'm pretty sure he couldn't lie to save his life lmao

 

**(5:56 AM) underoos cleared three (3) messages from a group chat with underoos, pickles, lincoln, fastandfurious, and 5 others**

 

**underoos:** bold on a sec

 

**(5:57 AM) underoos changed the group chat name from (untitled) to "** **the boss ass bitches"**

 

**underoos:** berfect

 

**AAUU:** i'm,,,,,

**AAUU:** hold on what messages did you delete

 

**underoos:** none? what are you talking about?

 

**Betty:** I have a pretty good guess

 

**unwantedvegetables:** there is a teacher on this chat.

 

**(6:00 AM) unwantedvegetables changed the group chat name from "the boss ass bitches" to "the boss bass benches"**

 

**unwantedvegetables:** perfect.

 

**(6:00 AM) unwantedvegetables went offline**

 

**underoos:** boy howdy. those timestamps sure are satissfying

**underoos:** wwait lemme rty

 

**(6:01 AM) underoos went offline**

 

**pickles:** He tried.

 

**Betty:** He did.

 

**fastandfurious:**  Yeah but he failed lmao cause hes an idiot

 

**AAUU:** no one asked you, flash!!

 

**(6:02 AM) pickles and Betty went offline**

**(6:03 AM) AAUU went offline**

 

**fastandfurious:** hold on, what is this is hear about penis getting stabbed?

**fastandfurious:** ...

 

**(6:05 AM) fastandfurious went offline**

* * *

**(6:02 AM) underoos, tonysbabysitter, irondad, CAWCAWMF, CaptainAcceptance, ihateyou, birduncle#2, and spidermomma are online**

**underoos:** hey guys guess what i found out like just now

 

**CAWCAWMF:** I... I don't want to???

 

**(6:02 AM) underoos changed the group chat's name from (untitled) to "DO I TALK ABOUT GOLF OR BIRDS"**

 

**CAWCAWMF:** what...?

 

**underoos:** IM AFRAID

**underoos:** IM AFRAID TO TALK TO MEN

 

**irondad:** kid what are you on about

 

**underoos:** I WAS RAISED WITH GIRLS

 

**birduncle#2:** What...?

 

**underoos:** IM AFRAID IF I TALK TO MEN ILL LOOK AT THEIR DICKS

 

**irondad:** KID WHAT

 

**underoos:** ITS NOT THAT I WANT TO

**underoos:** IM JUST AFRAID IM GOING TO

 

**spidermomma:** Only the nice ones talk about birds.

 

**underoos:** AND IF I TALK ABOUT BIRDS WITH THE WRONG ONE

**underoos:** HE'LL EAT ME FOR BREAKFAST

 

**CAWCAWMF:** what a magnus metus [1] 

 

**underoos:** HE'LL SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE RIGHT THROUGH MEEEEEEEEEEEE

**underoos:** THAT IM A BIG GAY POODLE

**underoos:** AND I TAKE 3 baths a day

 

**tonysbabysitter:** What on earth is going on

 

**spidermomma:** If we're talking about Miatas do I scoff or nod?

 

**underoos:** I DONT KNOW WHATS GOOD AND WHATS BAD WITH CARS

 

**ihateyou:** i can Talk to men For A couple Of Minutes but

 

**CaptainAcceptance:** then I know I'm gonna bring up Tracy Chapman

 

**ihateyou:** or Liza minelli

 

**spidermomma:** Or Stevie Nicks

 

**underoos:** (gilmore girls)

 

**CaptainAcceptance:** or Tori Amos

 

**underoos:** or whitney houston

**underoos:** at least she sang at a sports game once

 

**ihateyou:** but What Game was It?

 

**CaptainAcceptance:** Was it football or table tennis?

 

**spidermomma:** Or greyhound racing?

 

**underoos:** is that even legal?????

**underoos:** I HOLD A BEER WITH TWO HANDS

 

**ihateyou:** what's Up Steve, Wanna hear About all the cool Spots that i Binge Eat vegan donuts in My Car?

 

**CaptainAcceptance:** In a button up shirt and maybe in the perfect light

**CaptainAcceptance:** I could look like a regular BBQ guy

 

**spidermomma:** But

 

**underoos:** make no mistake!! im actually a giant flightless bird with a crush on rob thomas

 

**ihateyou:** And When the Men find out that I'm an undercover fruity Turkey Vulture

 

**spidermomma:** I'm afraid I'm gonna get reported to Dwayne the Rock Johnson

 

**underoos:** he'll spank me til i praise van halen and name my top 3 craft beer selections

 

**irondad:** K I D

 

**birduncle#2:** this is definitely a cult//

 

**CaptainAcceptance:** I'M AFRAID

 

**ihateyou:** I"M AFRAID TO TALK TO MEN

 

**spidermomma:** Mike, Rob

 

**underoos:** RICHARD AND ALAN

 

**CaptainAcceptance:** PAUL

 

**ihateyou:** GARY

 

**underoos:** LIAMS ARENT USUALLY TOO BAD

 

**spidermomma:** But Phil's are tough

 

**irondad:** im afraid to ask if

**irondad:** are

**irondad:** are you done????

 

**underoos:** we aint never started

 

**CAWCAWMF:** that was a beautiful symphony and for that I commend you.

 

**birduncle#2:** Yeah but as beautiful as it was, im kinda scared

 

**CAWCAWMF:** so were they. of men

 

**(6:47 AM)** **birduncle#2 went offline**

 

**underoos:** IM AFRAID TO TALK TO MEN

 

**(6:47 AM) underoos went offline**

 

**irondad:** hes having a bisexual meltdown.

 

**CAWCAWMF:** mood but also not cause I'm straight

 

**irondad:** yeah apparently theres this cute kid in his class and he just cant stop gushing about him

**irondad:** my child is the literal best and i love him.

 

**CaptainAcceptance:** This is the Tony I did not see before

 

**ihateyou:** i feel Great Disconnect with My Nickname for Some Reason

 

**CAWCAWMF:** then change it

 

**ihateyou:** i Cannot

 

**CAWCAWMF:** lmao then suffer in silence

 

**ihateyou:** i no Longer Feel the disconnect

 

**(6:49 AM) ihateyou went offline**

 

**CAWCAWMF:** lamp

 

**CaptainAcceptance:** No! Bucky!!

 

**(6:50 AM) CaptainAcceptance went offline**

 

**CAWCAWMF:** ugh is anyone even still here

 

**tonysbabysitter:** I am

 

**CAWCAWMF:** HOLY FUCK HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE

 

**tonysbabysitter:** this whole time

 

**irondad:** living up to your name, i see

 

**tonysbabysitter:** Yes but now I must go

 

**(6:51 AM) tonysbabysitter went offline**

**(6:52 AM) irondad went offline**

 

**CAWCAWMF:** why does everyone always leave me?

 

**spidermomma:** Boo.

 

**CAWCAWMF:** WTF

 

**(6:52 AM) spidermomma went offline**

 

**CAWCAWMF:** ARE YOU KIDDI NG ME NAT  


**(6:53 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>    
> 
> 
> [1]magnus metus, magni metūs- great fear 


	11. A difference

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of different format! and stuff. bc i just cant write about this part with group chat texts

**Friday, October 5**

 

Peter cackled to himself. He and Tony had thought up a plan after Peter insisted he met the Avengers. So, their evening was to go as follows:

_Peter is called "Mr. Smith" or "Jeremy" for the time being._

_Peter pretends to actually be just a personal intern._

_Peter will let the Avengers either figure it out, or scare the shit out of them (they hadn't decided yet)_

_Tony gets his ass beat by Captain America for bringing a child to a fight with the Avengers._

It was perfect! For the most part, at least. Peter was nervous, but nothing could bring him down from how excited he felt, so it didn't really matter. All that was to do now was to wait. Decathlon practice had ended half an hour ago, and he was almost to the tower. He was practically vibrating with anticipation.

He exited Happy's car, making sure to shut the door firmly but not slam it (Happy was a bit of a stickler about that). Entering the building and scanning his card, he was greeted by Friday.

"Hello, [REDACTED] Mr. Smith, would you like me to alert Boss of your arrival?"

"Yes, please Friday. Thank you." Peter walked into the elevator, ready.

* * *

Tony was busy setting up everything whilst Natasha and Clint cooked when he heard the elevator ding. He looked over at the two spies, squinting his eyes. If anyone was to mess up the plan, it was them.

"Okay, so, you know you can't tell them about him?" They nodded, disinterested. Tony could have sworn he saw Clint smirk for a second. After staring for a few more seconds, Clint gave Tony a mock salute. Then, Tony noticed the rapidly approaching footsteps.

"Mr. Stark!" Peter barrelled into him and knocked the wind out of him.

"Hey, kid. What's up?" Peter released Tony from the bear-hug, and started rambling excitedly about how Michelle had totally kicked Flash's ass at decathlon. Then, he caught sight of Clint and Natasha.

"Are... are they gonna be a problem, Mr. Stark?" Peter pointed at them.

"Yeah,  _Mr. Smith_ , they're fine. They know." Tony waved him off, signalling for the conversation to be over. Peter soon realised why, as Steve had just entered the room.

"Oh, Tony, who's this?" Steve looked down at Peter.

"You all heard how I got a personal intern, right? Well, this is him. Jeremy, Steve Rogers. Steve Rogers, Mr. Smith. Say hi to each other. I hope it's not a problem that I have invited Mr. Smith to have dinner with us." Steve frowned at Peter, taking in the young boy. Then, he held his hand out. Peter happily took it.

"It's really great to meet you, Mr. Rogers!"

"Steve, please, son. It is my pleasure." Peter winced slightly at being called 'son', but he didn't say anything about it.

"Let's get this bread!" Peter shouted, throwing his hands into the air. Steve looked at Tony, and he just shrugged in response.

* * *

Peter slowly raised the forkful of food into his mouth, quietly observing the superheroes he was eating with. What even was his life? 

"So, Jeremy, how did you and Stark meet?" Peter took a couple of seconds to realise they were talking to him. 

"O-oh! Yeah, ah, he sort of, came to me? He-he just needed my help in particular and I was more than willing to- to do so." Peter flashed a small, nervous smile at Tony, who everyone's gaze had just turned to.

"He... came to you." Sam wrinkled his nose in response to his own reply. "For what, exactly, if I may ask?"

"Well, aah, it was around the time you guys kinda... You know..." Peter made a 'splitting apart' motion with his hands. "Without you, he needed extra moral support and who keeps better company than a genius from Queens?" 

The Avengers all looked at each other, and then to Tony in disgust. Tony finally figured out what they were thinking after a minute or so, and dropped his fork in surprise.

"Oh my god,  _no_! That was  _not_ why I hired him, holy fucking shit, you guys are disgusting!" Tony nearly choked on his food. Peter just tilted his head in confusion.

"What did they think I was hired for? Mr. Stark, why are they looking at me weirdly, I-" Peter was cut off by Clint bursting into laughter. Tony could only glare at him.

"J- _Jesus_ , Stark, where'd you find a kid this innocent?" he barked out between laughs.

"Queens, clearly." Peter said matter-of-factly, and then took a swig of his orange juice.

"Do you enjoy each others' company, and such?" Steve inquired.

"Oh, yeah! Things are always loads of fun. We're always messing around with different machines and all of the different interns in this building are all so nice!" Peter paused. "Although, Mr. Stark refuses to give me coffee, so there is that."

" _Because_ , you get  _way_ too hyper, and I am  _not_ having a repeat of September 2nd." Tony took a frustrated bite of his food.

"That was one time!" Peter exclaimed. "It's not like it'll happen again!"

"Peter, you got caffeine poisoning!" Everyone seated at the table had varying looks of surprise on their face, but since Tony didn't seem to notice the name slip-up, they didn't say anything. Sam had furrowed his brow and tried to think of why something about the name felt both familiar and  _wrong_.

" _And_? It wasn't just coffee!" he shouted.

"You poured 12 energy drinks of different varieties into the coffee and downed it in ten seconds flat!"

" _One time!_ " Peter threw his hands up into the air. The rest of the team watched the exchanged with amusement and minor confusion.

* * *

The team, and Peter, all sat on the sofas in the living area around the television, fighting over what movie to watch. Peter was fine with whatever, but the Avengers were clearly not. Clint had just wrestled the television remote, used mainly to turn it on and off, out of Sam's hands, and Bucky was currently using Steve as a weapon and threatening to throw him at anyone who attempted to take the remote that was used to control the movies from him. Natasha was sitting off to the side, getting more and more agitated as the puerile arguments went on. Tony was trying to weave through the tangle of limbs to put a DVD into the player, while both Scott and Rhodey were yelling at him that they were going to use Netflix and they didn't need to do that. Bruce was busy shouting over the noise to explain to Thor and Loki how Netflix actually worked. It was a complete mess until Natasha finally shouted at everyone to shut up, which they did immediately.

"Okay, so none of us can agree what movie to watch. Let's just ask Jeremy." Nat frowned at the actual children in front of her. Most of them groaned, but they all agreed that Peter would probably be the best mediator out of all of them, as he was the least biased. Peter felt instantly nervous.

"Ah... Why not the Lion King...? Did you know that Mr. Stark has only heard of it, never actually watched it? It's such a nice, classic Disney movie. I'm sure we'd all enjoy it." Peter hunched in on himself, unsure if his suggestion would be made fun of. But, since the Lion King is literal gold, no one had a problem with it. Popcorn was made, and everyone made themselves comfortable.

They all cried when Mufasa died. Even Nat. Tony was caught off guard by the death and started sobbing into Rhodey's arms. Peter, who'd made his way onto the ceiling while no one was looking, was not experiencing the unusual sensation of water running  _up_ your face. Thor was sobbing uncontrollably. Loki, though he'd deny it later, shed one (1) tear. Bucky and Steve held each other.

Peter was right above Tony, as his amazing mentor held up the bowl occasionally so he could eat popcorn. This was not a problem until the movie ended and Sam looked up.

" _OH MY GOD!_ " Sam screamed, falling off the sofa and pointing up at Peter. "What the  _fuck_!"

"Hi," Peter spoke through a mouthful of food, "my name's Chelsea, what's your favourite dinner food?"

Clint and Tony let out enormous laughs, and Natasha giggled to herself quietly. Steve and Bucky just looked confused. So, Peter started singing, still standing on the ceiling.

"I'm afraid, I'm afraid to talk to men! Mike, Rob, Richard and Alan! Paul, Gary, Liam's aren't usually too bad! But Phil's are tough..."

The entire room just stared at him, unresponsive. So, Peter just cleared some stuff up.

"My name's Peter Parker. It is a pleasure to share this tea with y'all."

 

Everyone just collectively loses their shit. 


	12. PSA

**Saturday, October 6**

 

**[DO I TALK ABOUT GOLF OR BIRDS]**

**(9:10 AM) underoos, CaptainAcceptance, memequeen, irondad, CAWCAWMF, Simba, ihateyou, spidermomma, birduncle#2, ReindeerGames and THUNDER are online**

 

 

 **underoos:** hey

 **underoos:** look at this

 **underoos:**  <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5er9dI7RII>

 

 **memequeen:** L M A O

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** omg I'm sobbing why haven't I seen this before

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** PETER HOW COULD YOU

 **CaptainAcceptance:** I TRUSTED YOU TO KEEP THAT A SECRET

 

 **underoos:** thats what u get when you hurt my dad

 

 **irondad:** i dont know whether to cry tears of joy or laughter because one one hand you have the psas and on the other

 **irondad:** pete just called me his dad

 

 **memequeen:** bold of u to assume peter was talking about you

 

 **underoos:** did you just

 **underoos:** did you just use u and you in the same sentence

 

 **memequeen:** did you?

 

 **underoos:** OH NO

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** wow pete you just played urself

 

 **underoos:** NOT YOU TOO

 

 **ihateyou:** steve you look Hot in those Videos

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:**  (〃´∀｀〃)ゞ

 

 **underoos:** lmao gay

 

 **memequeen:** your literally bi shut up

 

 **Simba:** **you're

 

 **underoos:** yes am i not allowed to acknowledge the gay?

 

 **birduncle#2:** And yet apparently they aren't dating

 

 **irondad:** apparently so

 **irondad:** hey yeeter

 

 **underoos:** yes papa

 

 **irondad:** do u wanna add flash to the chat

 

 **underoos:** EXCUSE ME WH AT

 

 **irondad:** because a little birdie told me hes picking on you again

 

 **underoos:** NO FATHER WHY DONT DO THIS

 

**(9:23 AM) irondad added asssss to DO I TALK ABOUT GOLF OR BIRDS**

 

 **irondad:** everyone welcome- asssss

 

 **underoos:** HHHH WH Y

 

 **asssss:** Parker is that you???

 **asssss:** Who the hell are these people

 

 **spidermomma:** You're worst nightmare.

 

 **Simba:** **Your

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** shut up furry

 

 **Simba:** How about no

 

 **memequeen:** are you sure its safe for this dumbass kid to be here? 

 **memequeen:** we do talk about a lot of fairly confidential stuff

 

 **underoos:** WELL IF YOU HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE ILL KICK HIM OUT

 **underoos:** MR   STARK HO W  D O  Y OU  REMO VE  S OM E ON E 

 

 **ihateyou:** why is That spaced So Weird

 

 **birduncle#2:** wHy iS tHaT spAcEd sO wEiRd

 

 **ihateyou:** i Hate you

 

 **memequeen:** with a capital h

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** Why is the child named 'asssss'

 

 **irondad:** because from what mys told me hes an ass with 5 s's

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** That's not appropriate, Tony! Change it.

 

 **irondad:** oh come on its only his name for this chat

 

 **asssss:**  Who the fuck are all of you???

 **asssss:**  Is this some sort of shitty roleplay chat

 

 **underoos:** shit man i wish because thEN MAYBE ID KNOW HOW TO REMOVE YOU

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** Language!

 

 **THUNDER:** WHO IS "ASSSSS"

 **THUNDER:** I FEEL LIKE THAT IS AN AWFULLY MEAN NICKNAME.

 

 **underoos:** mr thor your letters are big again

 **underoos:** just tap the little arrow on the side remember

 

 **memequeen:** remember more like rememeber

 

 **underoos:** no nut november

 

 **memequeen:** it is literally the 6th of october

 

 **THUNDER:** Thank you, Man of Spiders.

 

 **asssss:** Oh boy this is some shitty roleplay chat isn't it lmao

 **asssss:**  Haha Penis your such a loser 

 

 **Simba:** **you're

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** I take all my previous statements back, this kid deserves it

 

 **ReindeerGames:** Child, I will kill you.

 

 **underoos:** NO NO KILLING

 **underoos:** PLEASE MR STARK HOW TO REMOVE SOMEONE  


**irondad:** not yet kid

 **irondad:** i am talking to the kid right now and making sure he leaves you alone.

 

 **underoos:** YOURE NOT HURTING HIM ARE YOU

 

 **irondad:** no, their will be no evidence of such

 

 **Simba:** **there

 

 **memequeen:** are all of you deliberately using the wrong homophones

 

 **underoos:** what makes you think that?

 **underoos:** honestly eye think yore just being mean.

 

 **memequeen:** ha ha very funny

 

 **Simba:** **I

 **Simba:** **you're

 

 **spidermomma:** Yeah, we are. Seeing T'Challa correct everyone is kind of funny.

 

**(9:34 AM) underoos removed asssss from DO I TALK ABOUT GOLF OR BIRDS**

 

 **irondad:** oh no he figured it out

 **irondad:** you all better prepare

 **irondad:** he has so much power now

 **irondad:** but hes still so tinyyyy,,

 

 **underoos:** i could literally throw you across the room mr stark

 

 **spidermomma:** Yes, but you are still very small nonetheless.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** guys I have a dilemma

 **CAWCAWMF:** every time I see a post about updog I'm torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help the poster complete the post

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** Okay but what's updog?

 

 **memequeen:** updog is a long sausage in a bun often served with ketchup, mustard, onion e, and/or relish.

 

 **underoos:** no, that's a hotdog. an updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.

 

 **irondad:** youre thinking of update. updog is when you end a sentence with a rising intonation.

 

 **spidermomma:** No, that's uptalk. You're thinking of the fourth-largest city in Sweden.

 

 **THUNDER:** Surely that's Uppsala, whereas Updog is the giant spider from those weird books, Harry Potter.

 

 **birduncle#2:**  That's Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs

 

 **irondad:** uh, youre thinking of epsilon. updog is an upward-moving air current.

 

 **underoos:** no thats an updraft. updog isnt a noun at all

 **underoos:**  its a verb; it basically means to chew someone out, or harshly lecture them

 

 **memequeen:** no, thats upbraid. an updog is a small dog that likes cuddling on people's laps.

 

 **ihateyou:**  no that's A lapdog. an Updog is When the Mets Win.

 

 **underoos:** no thats an upset. an updog is the modern version of a henway.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what's a henway?

 

 **underoos:** oh, about 5 pounds

 

 **memequeen:** G O T T E M

 

 **irondad:** i am crying.

 

 **underoos:** mood

 

 **memequeen:** lmao same

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** I feel so... foolish

 

 **birduncle#2:**  Good

 **birduncle#2:**  You should feel foolish

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** help I am being bullied

 

 **underoos:** same

 

 **irondad:** kid not funny

 

 **underoos:** now,,, you  _say_ that

 

 **irondad:**  >:/

 **irondad:** we need to have a talk kid

 

**(9:46 AM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

**(9:46 AM) irondad went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** ohhh shit

 

 **memequeen:** oh shit indeed

 

 **Simba:** Sister, your lab appears to be on fire.

 

 **memequeen:** im in my lab??? and its fine????

 

 **Simba:** No, your dog.

 

 **memequeen:** WAIT WHAT?????

 

**(9:47 AM) memequeen went offline**

 

 **Simba:** So long.

 

**(9:47 AM) Simba went offline**

 

 **ihateyou:** hey steve Wanna go Get Coffee

 

 **CaptainAcceptance:** Yeah!

 **ihateyou:** alright Le'ts go

 

 **birduncle#2:** BLEASE STOP IT'S "LET'S" NOT "LE'TS" WTF

 

**(9:49 AM) ihateyou and CaptainAcceptance went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** haha gay

 

**(9:49 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

 

 **spidermomma:** You're all idiots.

 

**(9:50 AM) spidermomma went offline**

 

 **birduncle#2:** I feel lonely :(

 

 **THUNDER:** Loki and I are still here?

 

 **birduncle#2:** OH HELL NO

 

**(9:52 AM) birduncle#2 went offline**

 

 **ReindeerGames:** Thor, you moron

 

 **THUNDER:** tHoR, yOu mOroN

 

 **ReindeerGames:** I sincerely hate you.

 

 **THUNDER:** I siNcErELy hAtE yOu

 

 **ReindeerGames:** Goodbye.

 

**(9:53 AM) ReindeerGames went offline**

 

 **THUNDER:** gOoDbYE

 

**(9:55 AM) THUNDER went offline**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am an idiot. I am such an idiot. There's literally a link option. What the hell.


	13. lets get this bread ;)

**Monday, October 8**

 

** [DO I TALK ABOUT GOLF OR BIRDS]  
**

** (3:12 AM) underoos, CAWCAWMF, spidermomma, irondad, and birduncle#2 are online **

 

**underoos:** hey gang

**underoos:** lets yeet this yeast

 

**CAWCAWMF:** what if

**CAWCAWMF:** what if I don't want to???

 

**underoos:** then fall on your knees before your superior

 

**birduncle#2:** Is it safe to say that I am scared

 

**underoos:** no

**underoos:** also important question

 

**CAWCAWMF:** shoot

 

**underoos:** can you make toast in a microwave

**underoos:** i broke my toaster and im really craving some toast rn

 

**CAWCAWMF:** uh no I think you'd just make really moist bread????

 

**underoos:** aw man

**underoos:** but hey at least now i know what to do if i want moist bread

 

**irondad:** kid wtf go to sleep

 

**underoos:** no dad

 

**spidermomma:** Peter.

 

**underoos:** YOU CANT MAKE ME

**underoos:** NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

**spidermomma:**  Please, Peter?

 

**underoos:** okay but only bc you asked so nicely

**underoos:** i also have to do one thing first

 

**CAWCAWMF:** oh no

 

**(3:15 AM) underoos changed the group chat's name from "DO I TALK ABOUT GOLF OR BIRDS" to "moist bread"**

 

**underoos:** amazing. good. berfect

 

**(3:16 AM) underoos went offline**

 

**irondad:** nat how did you manage to make the kid go to sleep

 

**spidermomma:** Because I asked him nicely, Tony.

 

**CAWCAWMF:** ha

 

**spidermomma:** You too, Clint. I know you didn't sleep last night.

 

**CAWCAWMF:** nuh uh 

 

**spidermomma:** Please?

 

**CAWCAWMF:** okay

 

**(3:18 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

 

**irondad:** how???????????????

 

**birduncle#2:** She's just too charming when she's nice

 

**spidermomma:** Please go to sleep, you two.

 

**birduncle#2:** alrighty

 

**irondad:** f i n e.

 

**(3:20 AM) irondad and birduncle#2 went offline**

 

**spidermomma:** Haha what a bunch of losers

 

**(3:20 AM) underoos is online**

 

**underoos:** flash please shush

 

**spidermomma:** ?

 

**underoos:** oh sorry!!

**underoos:**  i saw the notif that said you called me a loser and i thought you were someone else

 

**spidermomma:** I was not calling you a loser.

**spidermomma:** I love you too much for that.

 

**underoos:** GHASP!!!

**underoos:** <3

 

**spidermomma:** <3

 

**(3:22 AM) underoos went offline**

**(3:23 AM) spidermomma went offline**

**(4:20 AM) underoos is online**

 

**underoos:** lmao weed

 

**(4:20 AM) underoos went offline**

**(8:09 AM) underoos, irondad, CAWCAWMF, ihateyou, CaptainAcceptance, Simba, memequeen, THUNDER, birduncle#2, and ReindeerGames are online**

 

**irondad:**  peter why are you like this

 

**underoos:** oh come on you love me

 

**irondad:** that i do

 

**ihateyou:** ah, Fatherly love

 

**irondad:** shut up refrigerator

**irondad:** ill have you know i bought more magnets the other day

 

**underoos:** oh!! oh!!!

**underoos:** did you buy the mjolnir ones???

**underoos:** those were like, SO cool!!!!

 

**THUNDER:** STARK, I LIKE YOUR CHILD.

 

**underoos:** MR THOR HBDXJ I LIKE YOU TOO

**underoos:** MR STARK DID YOU SEE THAT THOR LIKES M E

 

**irondad:** yes i see kid

 

**underoos:**  SKKSKJSDKSKJSKJDKSJKJK

 

**CaptainAcceptance:** Please don't call my boyfriend a fridge

 

**ihateyou:** yes Please Listen to My Man

 

**memequeen:** gay

 

**birduncle#2:** Holy shit you guys actually got together??

 

**underoos:** yeah!! i convinced bucky to ask mr rogers out

 

**ihateyou:** and Now I am Very Happy

 

**CaptainAcceptance:**  (●´艸｀)ヾ

 

**underoos:** OML I HAVE THE BEST IDEA

 

**CAWCAWMF:** this could either be really good or really bad but either way I'm hyped

 

**spidermomma:** Ten bucks says it's matching nicknames.

 

**birduncle#2:**  Ten bucks it's a new group chat name

 

**CAWCAWMF:** ten bucks sams an idiot

 

**ihateyou:** tha'ts Not a Bet, tha'ts just A Fact

 

**birduncle#2:** God I hate you

 

**(8:17 AM) underoos changed ihateyou's name to Fridge**

**(8:17 AM) underoos changed CaptainAccptance's name to Magnet**

 

**Fridge:** the Only time This is Acceptable.

 

**Magnet:** This is really cute!!

 

**spidermomma:**  Pay up, Sam.

 

**birduncle#2:** goddamnit

 

**Magnet:**  >:O

 

**underoos:** :O

 

**Fridge:** :0

 

**spidermomma:** :O

 

**irondad:** :O

 

**THUNDER:** :O

 

**ReindeerGames:** :o

 

**memequeen:** :O

 

**Simba:** :O

 

**CAWCAWMF:** :O

 

**irondad:** this is gold

 

**birduncle#2:** Yeah and I hate all of you

 

**(8:23 AM) birduncle#2 went offline**

 

**CAWCAWMF:** wow that was really hurtful

 

**underoos:** he probably doesn't mean that!!!

**underoos:** im sure hes just upset that nat is making him pay money for something

 

**CAWCAWMF:** I wasn't actually upset but now I'm crying because this child is too damn pure

**CAWCAWMF:** **hecking

**CAWCAWMF:** sorry. I must not use such strong language around children

 

**underoos:** hey!!! i could yeet you across the room with EASE

 

**irondad:** but would you, knowing it would hurt him?

 

**underoos:** ...

**underoos:** NO BUT STILL

 

**spidermomma:** I am a proud mother.

 

**irondad:** hey get in line i called him first

 

**ReindeerGames:** Excuse me? Peter is MY friend.

 

**THUNDER:** WHAT ABOUT ME? :(

 

**underoos:** dont worry mr thor i love you

**underoos:** also youre letters are big again

 

**Simba:** **your

 

**memequeen:** do you,,, have to,,,,,,,

 

**Simba:** Proper grammar is essential, sister.

 

**memequeen:** oh shut up,,

 

**(8:30 AM) memequeen went offline**

**(8:31 AM) Simba went offline**

 

**Magnet:** Goodbye. 

 

**(8:31 AM) Fridge and Magnet went offline**

 

**underoos:** wow sassy

 

**irondad:** hey kid arent you supposed to be in school

 

**underoos:** what no i have a free

 

**irondad:** uh, no you dont

 

**underoos:** yeah i do???

**underoos:** HOLD ON

**underoos:** I DONT OH NO

 

**(8:32 AM) underoos went offline**

 

**irondad:** can you believe thats my idiot

 

**spidermomma:** No, I cannot.

**spidermomma:** I do not understand how you managed to find such a sweet child.

 

**CAWCAWMF:** uh, spider-man, duh,,,

 

**spidermomma:** No one asked you, Clint.

 

**(8:34 AM) spidermomma went offline**

 

**ReindeerGames:** Hey, Thor.

 

**THUNDER:** YES, BROTHER?

 

**ReindeerGames:** Guess where I am.

 

**THUNDER:** NO.

**THUNDER:** N O //

 

**ReindeerGames:** Y e s .

 

**(8:35 AM) ReindeerGames went offline**

 

**THUNDER:** L O K I 

 

**(8:35 AM) THUNDER went offline**

 

**CAWCAWMF:** looks like it's just you and me, Stark

**CAWCAWMF:** oh whoops, not anymore ;)

 

**(8:36 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

**(8:37 AM) irondad went offline**

**(9:01 PM) underoos, irondad, CAWCAWMF, THUNDER, ReindeerGames, spidermomma, and memequeen are online**

 

**underoos:** hey guys there someone yall need to meet

 

**(9:02 PM) underoos added 719-266-2837 to moist bread**

 

**underoos:** WELCOME: THE WIZARD

 

**irondad:** how

 

**underoos:** well try calling the number

 

**CAWCAWMF:** OH HELL YEAH!!!

**CAWCAWMF:**  OOOOH HERE SHE COMES!! WATCH OUT BOY, SHE'LL CHEW YOU UP

**CAWCAWMF:** OOOOH HERE SHE COMES!!! SHE'S A MANEATERRR!!!!

 

**irondad:** h...how?

 

**719-266-2837:** Now, that is none of your business.

 

**underoos:** hes a wizard

 

**irondad:** i would appreciate a name

 

**719-266-2837:** Dr. Strange.

 

**underoos:** uh, your real name, silly!!

 

**719-266-2837:** That

**719-266-2837:** That is my real name

 

**underoos:** oh sorry!!

 

**irondad:** wait you mean dr stephen strange, that one neurosurgeon who got into a super serious car crash and vanished off of the face of the earth??

 

**underoos:** thats the one!!!

 

**(9:07 PM) irondad changed 719-266-2837's name to anasshole**

 

**underoos:** hey, mr stark!!!!!!!

**underoos:** thats not nice :(

 

**irondad:** but its true

 

**underoos:** no!!

 

**(9:09 PM) underoos changed anasshole's name to MAGIC**

 

**MAGIC:** Thank you, Peter.

**MAGIC:** I greatly appreciate it.

 

**underoos:** np!!!

 

**CAWCAWMF:** so Pete where'd you even find this dude

 

**underoos:** oh i was getting a sandwich

 

**ReindeerGames:** And...?

 

**underoos:** no thats it

 

**ReindeerGames:** Oh, okay.

 

**THUNDER:** IT IS NICE TO MEET YOU, STRANGE DOCTOR!!

 

**MAGIC:** Hold on, is that Thor??

 

**underoos:** yeah

 

**MAGIC:** Peter did you add me to an avengers group chat.

 

**underoos:** yeah!!

 

**MAGIC:** Jesus jode en una bicicleta...

 

**underoos:** dont let cap hear you say that

 

**ReindeerGames:** What does it mean, boy?

 

**underoos:** shhh sorry loki but you dont wanna know

 

**MAGIC:** LOKI??.

 

**underoos:** yeah!!!! have you met him? :O

 

**MAGIC:** Unfortunately, yes.

**MAGIC:** Why is he here??

 

**ReindeerGames:** Wow who got your titties in a twist

 

**MAGIC:** Do you not know who I am?

 

**ReindeerGames:** Sorry, I don't care much for most mere mortals.

**ReindeerGames:** Can't say I recognize your name.

 

**underoos:** oh oh!!

**underoos:** if youve met then you probably know about his cool orange portal thingys!!!

**underoos:** and the boom boom whoosh!!

 

**ReindeerGames:** W A I T  ITS  Y  O U

 

**MAGIC:** That it is.

 

**ReindeerGames:** I WAS FALLING. FOR THIRTY MINUTES.

 

**THUNDER:** OH! IT IS THAT GUY WITH THE INFINITE BEER!

 

**underoos:** what??

 

**ReindeerGames:** This ASSHOLE put me in some weird portal and LEFT ME THERE, F A L L I N G,

**ReindeerGames:** FOR. THIRTY. MINUTES.

 

**irondad:** you know what i take back what i said about this guy being an asshole hes awesome

**irondad:** way to go, man

 

**MAGIC:** Thank you.

 

**spidermomma:** Someone please explain to my why Clint just fell out of the vents, sobbing and laughing too hard to answer with coherent sentences?

 

**irondad:** this guy made loki fall for 30 minutes

**irondad:** i gotta say its pretty funny

 

**underoos:** no its not!! that wasnt very nice of you, dr strange.

 

**MAGIC:** ...

 

**underoos:** you should apologize. ;/

 

**MAGIC:** No.

 

**irondad:** GASP

**irondad:** I TAKE BACK MY TAKING BACK HOW COULD YOU SAY NO TO MY SON

 

**MAGIC:** Shut up, Stark. He's not your son.

 

**irondad:** G A S P

**irondad:** you did NOT just say that

 

**underoos:** ;(

 

**irondad:** no no no kid dont cry its okay

 

**underoos:** blease dont fight

 

**CAWCAWMF:** yeah don't fight you're making the child sad

**CAWCAWMF:** and if anything happened to him I would fight someone because I love him

 

**underoos:** aw love u too clint  <3

 

**spidermomma:** Someone just remove the wizard

 

**underoos:** no!!!

 

**MAGIC:** How do I leave a chat.

 

**underoos:** no!!!!!

 

**irondad:** yes!!!!!! goodbye asshole

 

**(9:21 PM) irondad removed MAGIC from moist bread**

 

**irondad:** haha so long see u never

 

**(9:21 PM) irondad went offline**

 

**underoos:** oh no papa dont leave

 

**(9:22 PM) underoos went offline**

 

**ReindeerGames:** Bye.

 

**THUNDER:** WHY ARE YOU LEAVING, BROTHER?

 

**ReindeerGames:** Well aside from Peter I hate everyone here so goodbye, so long, hasta la pasta

 

**(9:24 PM) ReindeerGames went offline**

 

**THUNDER:** NO BROTHER DON'T LEAVE!

 

**(9:25 PM) THUNDER went offline**

 

**CAWCAWMF:** well I have no reason to be on here anymore

 

**memequeen:** youre all idiots,,

 

**CAWCAWMF:** WAIT HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE???

**(9:26 PM) memequeen went offline**

 

**CAWCAWMF:** ??

 

**(9:27 PM) spidermomma went offline**

 

**CAWCAWMF:** ???????????

**CAWCAWMF:** .

 

**(9:30 PM) CAWCAWMF went offline**


	14. but most importantly

**Wednesday, October 10**

 

**[moist bread]**

**(10:15 AM) underoos, irondad, Fridge, Magnet, CAWCAWMF, spidermomma, ReindeerGames, THUNDER, ISeeYou, memequeen, and tonysbabysitter are online**

 

 **underoos:** he protecc

 **underoos:** he attacc

 **underoos:** but most importantly

 

**(10:17 AM) MAGIC added MAGIC to moist bread**

 

 **underoos:** he add himself bacc

 

 **tonybabysitter:** Who the hell is this and how did they do that

 

 **MAGIC:** Dr. Strange. You?

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Colonel Rhodes.

 

 **underoos:** you can call him rhodey!!!

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** no he cant

 

 **underoos:** oh sorry

 

 **MAGIC:** Technically, I can, "Rhodey".

 

 **ReindeerGames:** I will kill all of you

 

 **underoos:** awww

 

 **ReindeerGames:**  Not you, child

 

 **underoos:** AWWWWW.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** dude why are you sad that Loki's not gonna kill you

 

 **underoos:** bold of you to assume i dont want to die

 

 **irondad:** KID

 

 **CAWCAWMF:**  alright Pete are you okay

 

 **underoos:** haha no

 

**(10:21 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **memequeen:** tony go comfort your child

 

 **irondad:** yeah im going he needs me

 

**(10:22 AM) irondad went offline**

 

 **ISeeYou:** Friday contacted me, they are cuddling.

 **ISeeYou:** Would you like pictures?

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** Y E S

 

 **ISeeYou:** fatherandson2gh7Ak.png

 

 **memequeen:** SCREEE THEYRE SO CUTE

 

 **spidermomma:** Who made the child cry??

 

 **memequeen:** idk he was just sad

 

 **ReindeerGames:** I will fight anyone who hurts him

 

 **memequeen:** what if he hurts himself

 

 **ReindeerGames:** WELL THEN HE BETTER SQUARE UP

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** lmao

 **CAWCAWMF:** don't you dare hurt him

 

 **THUNDER:** My dear brother would never.

 

 **ReindeerGames:**  Well you clearly don't know me very well

 

 **THUNDER:** You promised me you wouldn't stab anyone this week!

 

 **ReindeerGames:** think again

 

 **THUNDER:** What do you mean brothdnuasnkkjmd

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what happened

 

 **spidermomma:** I don't know, but I'm interested

 

 **THUNDER:** LOKI I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU

 

 **ReindeerGames:** Nyehehehehe

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what?? what did he do????

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Yeah, you've even got me interested now

 

 **THUNDER:** HE STABBED ME

 

 **ReindeerGames:** I stabbed him.

 

**(10:27 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** no!!!

 **underoos:** no stabbing!!!!

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** too late

 

 **MAGIC:** I am afraid the idiotic man who fights modern day villians with a bow and arrow is correct for once in his life.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** OI

 

 **memequeen:** do you come on here purely so you can insult everyone??

 

 **MAGIC:** Pretty much, princess.

 

 **memequeen:** wow rude

 

 **underoos:** awh man thats not very nice

 

 **MAGIC:** I don't care.

 

**(10:29 AM) THUNDER and ReindeerGames went offline**

**(10:30 AM) irondad is online**

 

 **irondad:** hey at least he types like a normal person

 **irondad:** UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I KNOW

 

 **Fridge:** wow Rude

 

 **MAGIC:** Okay, do you mind, idiot?

 

 **Magnet:** DON'T CALL MY BOYF THAT

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Oh boy now youve done it

 

 **underoos:**  okay yall can keep fighting but can we appreciate literally how smart mr stark is tho

 **underoos:**  like he says whatever and its the smartest thing youll ever hear

 

 **irondad:** whoops too hottie for this thottie

 

 **underoos:** ugh his. Mind

 

 **Fridge:** wtF

 

 **ISeeYou:** Friday says he burnt his tongue.

 

 **MAGIC:** I am surrounded by morons

 

 **underoos:** that isnt very nice!!!

 

 **MAGIC:** Well too bad, child.

 

 **underoos:** :(

 

**(10:34 AM) MAGIC went offline**

 

 **underoos:** hell come around

 **underoos:** im sure of it

 **underoos:** when i met him he was really nice

 

 **irondad:** i find that hard to believe but go off

 

 **memequeen:** weird flex but okay

 

 **spidermomma:** Odd gloat but understandable nonetheless

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** peculiar boast but alas

 

 **Magnet:** Are ye ready kids?

 

 **memequeen:**  aye aye captain

 

 **Fridge:** i Ca'nt hear YooooOOouuuU

 

 **underoos:** AYE AYE CAPTAIN

 

 **memequeen:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **irondad:** hhhhhh this is why cap was kept alive for 70 years

 

 **Magnet:** Of course.

 

 **underoos:** hey mr stark?

 

 **irondad:** yes kid

 

 **underoos:** can you call me? i lost my phone

 

 **irondad:** yeah in a moment i just gotta find my phone first

 

 **memequeen:** but,,,,,,

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** ^^

 

 **ISeeYou:** Friday tells me to inform you that your phone is not meant to be ingested, Peter.

 **ISeeYou:** Although I do see a vital flaw in this plan

 

 **irondad:** HOLD ON WHAT

 **irondad:** EX CU SE ME KID BUT WHAT THE FUVK

 

 **underoos:** OKAY OKAY I CAN EXPLAIN

 

 **spidermomma:** Okay, this is too much

 **spidermomma:** Goodbye,

 **spidermomma:** And, Peter, please stay safe.

 

**(10:41 AM) spidermomma went offline**

 

 **underoos:** awh bye nat

 **underoos:** ANYWAY SO YOU KNOW HOW PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LIKE,

 **underoos:** LIKE,,

 

 **memequeen:** come on, spit it out already

 

 **underoos:** LIKEE

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** like WHAT kid??

 

 **underoos:** TJEYLL BE LIKE HEY BET U CANT FIT UR HAND IN UR MOUTH

 **underoos:** AND I WAS THINKING THAT THATS UNFAIR CAUSE PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT SIZED HANDS

 

 **Fridge:** ((kind Of like How people have different Sized dicks,,

 **Fridge:** and Might i add, Steve has One Big D

 

 **Magnet:** BUCKY

 

 **underoos:** ew i did not need to know that

 **underoos:** ANYWHO SO I WAS THINKING WHAT ABOUT IF WE USE OUR PHONES INSTEAD

 **underoos:** BECAUSE PHONES GENERALLY HAVE SIMILAR SIZES

 **underoos:** i mean unless ur the weirdo with a + but they dont even have friends so it doesnt even matter

 

 **Magnet:** I have a +

 

 **underoos:** huh.

 **underoos:** that would explain your lack of friends.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** RO A S T E D\\\

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Is no one going to address the fact that Peter tried to eat his phone

 

 **irondad:** no he does that a lot

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** This is normal???

 

 **irondad:** yeah pretty much

 **irondad:** hes a bit on the strange side

 

 **underoos:** :(

 

 **irondad:** wHICH ISNT A BAD THING

 **irondad:** WE LOVE YOU OKAY.

 

 **ISeeYou:** Peter, non-stick pans are not for you to play with.

 

 **underoos:** im experimenting

 

 **ISeeYou:** Please do not stick to the non-stick pan, Peter.

 **ISeeYou:** It must be reminded that when you try to stick to things too much, you properly adhere to them and it is rather difficult to get you off.

 

 **underoos:** FOR SCIENCE.

 

 **irondad:** thats my boy

 **irondad:** for SCIENCE.

 

 **memequeen:** you go dude!!!

 **memequeen:** txt me the results

 

 **ISeeYou:** Please do not encourage this behaviour!

 

 **CAWCAWMF:**  woah hold up is that british spelling

 

**(10:53 AM) ISeeYou went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh no

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh dear

 **CAWCAWMF:** what have i done.

 **CAWCAWMF:**  this is so sad.

 **CAWCAWMF:** friday, play despacito

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** what a shame, what a shame.

 

**(10:54 AM) tonysbabysitter went offline**

 

 **underoos:** OH NO ITS STARTING

 

 **memequeen:** what is??

 

 **underoos:** THE CHATPOCALYPSE 

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** ????

 

 **underoos:** when people start to leave, everyone else leaves and the chat goes dead :(

 

 **Fridge:** oh Ha ha

 

**(10:56 AM) Fridge and Magnet went offline**

 

 **underoos:** O H  N O

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** lmao

 

 **irondad:** oh my what a disaster.

 **irondad:** it appears i have succumb to my masters

 

**(10:57 AM) irondad went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** lmao

 

 **underoos:** lamp

 

 **memequeen:** MOTH.

 

**(10:58 AM) memequeen went offline**

 

 **underoos:** it is too late,,,,

 **underoos:** at least you are still with me, mr barton

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** how many times must I tell you, call me Clint, kid

 **CAWCAWMF:** also lmao no bye  <3

 

**(10:59 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

**(11:00 AM) underoos went offline**


	15. well MINE are from WALMART.

**Thursday, October 11**

 

**[the boss bass benches]**

**(2:56 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** hey so when butterflies fall in love do they feel humans in their stomachs

 

**(2:56 AM) AAUU is online**

 

 **AAUU:** okay peter what the fuck its 3 in the morning go to sleep,,,,,,,,,

 

 **underoos:** bold of you to assume i sleep

 **underoos:** besides this is the wrong chat none of your answers to that question are valid

 

**(2:57 AM) underoos went offline**

**(2:58 AM) AAUU went offline**

* * *

 

 **[moist bread]**  

**(2:57 AM) underoos, spidermomma, and CAWCAWMF are online**

 

 **underoos:** alright okay so when butterflies fall in love do they feel humans in their stomachs

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what??? no what the shit

 

 **underoos:** incorrect, please try again

 

 **spidermomma:** What else would they feel?

 **spidermomma:** Unless they're into vore, that is.

 

 **underoos:** SBJK how do you talk about vore so casually

 

 **spidermomma:** Because my feelings on the subject could not be more neutral.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh thank the lord I was scared you were about to say that you were into vore and I got really scared

 

**(3:01 AM) tonysbabysitter is online**

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Go. To. Sleep.

 

 **underoos:** hey dont tell me what to do!!

 **underoos:** i will swear word at you!!!

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yeah what the kid said but more aggressive

 

 **spidermomma:** Oh, what are you going to do, threaten him?

 **spidermomma:** Rhodey is god you can't stop him from telling us to sleep

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** OH YEAH?

 **CAWCAWMF:** YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT MY KNIFE SHOES.

 

 **spidermomma:** Ice skates?

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** blocked.

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Do you want me to cut off all access to the coffee? Because Friday likes me and I can in fact do that

 **tonysbabysitter:** mainly talking to you, Clint

 **tonysbabysitter:** Nat would just find a way around it

 

 **spidermomma:** That I would.

 

**(3:09 AM) spidermomma went offline**

 

 **underoos:** but what about me

 **underoos:** im not even allowed to have coffee coz it makes me too hyper

 **underoos:** and mr stark literally said "youre too hyper as it is kid. you dont need the bean whiz"

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Yes, but you'll go to sleep if I ask you nicely.

 

 **underoos:** ...

 **underoos:** im waiting....

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Please go to sleep?

 

 **underoos:** Okay! : >

 

**(3:11 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Alright Clint I'm consulting Friday as we speak

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** OKAY ALRIGHT YOU WIN

 

**(3:13 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

**(3:15 AM) tonysbabysitter went offline**

* * *

 

**[the boss bass benches]**

**(4:20 AM) underoos, pickles, unwantedvegatbles, and SPACE O.O are online**

 

 **underoos:** lmao weed

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** mature 

 

 **SPACE O.O:** Haha!

 

 **underoos:** i find it mandatory to tell you that that is not a valid response

 **underoos:** anyway guess who got zero (0) hours of sleep 

 

 **pickles:** Peter, you idiot, sleep is necessary

 

 **underoos:**  neccesse est dormire[1]

 

 **pickles:** Peter wtf kind of language is that

 

 **underoos:** latin you uncultured swine

 

 **SPACE O.O:** I thought you took Spanish?

 

 **underoos:** i do but latin is cooler

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** you guys are losers

 

 **underoos:** non amo te[2] ,,

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** fair enough

 **unwantedvegetables:**  although i think all of us know enough about languages to understand what youre saying perfectly

 

 **pickles:** Yeah it's not that hard

 

 **underoos:**  necabo vos[3] .

 

 **SPACE O.O:** JHSJSJKJHK OH MY GOD PETER NO

 

 **pickles:**  What? What does it say??

 

 **underoos:** shhhh, they dont need to know

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** do it

 **unwantedvegetables:** p u s s y

 

 **underoos:**  NON ESTIS BONI HOMINES[4] .

 

**(4:31 AM) underoos went offline**

**(4:33 AM) unwantedvegetables kicked SPACE O.O and pickles offline**

**(4:33 AM) unwantedvegetables went offline**

* * *

 

**  
**

**[moist bread]  
**

**(5:35 AM) underoos, CAWCAWMF, spidermomma, and irondad are online**

 

 **underoos:** okay so school starts in exactly an hour, if i go to sleep now i can get 45 minutes of sleep and then swing to school and get there just in time and that should probably be enough to sustain me for today right

 **underoos:** also because 45 minutes wont be enough to actually give my brain enough time to start dreams n stuff i can avoid that whole debacle

 

 **irondad:** kid when did you sleep last

 

 **underoos:** no

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what does that... mean

 

 **underoos:**  are you illiterate it means no

 

 **irondad:** go to sleep please

 **irondad:** actually, take the day off and get some rest

 **irondad:** god knows you need it

 

 **underoos:** i cant mj threatened to steal my elbows if i didnt come to acadec practice today

 **underoos:** and thats honestly even more terrifying when you realise there is no specific elbow bone its just a joint

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yikes you better go then

 

 **underoos:** yeah

 

 **spidermomma:** ...40 minutes

 

 **underoos:** OH NO

 

**(5:40 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** so uh

 **CAWCAWMF:** whats up dawg

 

**(5:41 AM) irondad and spidermomma went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** wow that was mean

 

**(5:41 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

**(3:26 PM) underoos, CAWCAWMF, ISeeYou, irondad, spidermomma, birduncle#2, memequeen, and Fridge are online**

 

 **underoos:** hewwo

 

 **irondad:** kid no

 

 **memequeen:** uwu

 

 **underoos:** owo

 

 **ISeeYou:** IwI

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** Vision not you too

 

 **irondad:** okay kid serious question

 **irondad:** like i need to know for the future

 

 **underoos:** lmao shoot

 

 **irondad:** do you like cars?

 

 **underoos:** yeah it was a great movie

 

 **irondad:** no, i mean are you a car person

 

 **underoos:** no im a human

 

 **irondad:** no kid like are you a fan of cars

 

 **underoos:** yeah, as i said it was a great movie but i wouldn't call myself a true fan

 **underoos:** like i wouldnt make an oc or draw vore porn of it and r u really a true fan if you wouldnt draw vore porn of it

 

 **irondad:** n o kid i mean

 **irondad:** do you like cars??

 

 **underoos:** mr stark ive literally told you the answer to that twice what do you want from me

 

 **irondad:**  do you like the vroom vroom kind

 

 **underoos:**  wait what other cars were we talking about then???

 

 **memequeen:** Dear Tony, 

 **memequeen:** You will not receive anything this Christmas Because You are:

 **memequeen:** Bitch

 

 **underoos:** jlkqHALKJGSJHSGJHKDGFJHDGKLHSGKHJFDHGFDDKHJGDKJHDGFKHGFDKJH:LAS

 

 **irondad:** NO, DO YOU LIKE CARS.

 

 **underoos:** YES, IT WAS A GREAT MOVIE

 

 **irondad:** i give up on life

 

 **memequeen:** i am more powerful than you could ever hyucking imagine

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** i dont know whether to be scared or continue crying from the cars

 

 **memequeen:** you should be scared

 

 **Fridge:** i Am not

 

 **memequeen:**  KNEEL BEFORE ME AND MY GLORIOUS ASSISTANT

 

 **birduncle#2:** And who might that be

 

 **underoos:** me, yeeter

 

 **memequeen:** him, yeeter

 

 **spidermomma:** *sniffles*

 **spidermomma:** My child, all grown up and ready to conquer the world with his ruler.

 **spidermomma:** Is there anything more beautiful?

 

 **irondad:** no, there isnt

 **irondad:** but in all reality kid do you like cars but not the cars movie kind

 

 **underoos:** theres a different kind of cars...?

 **underoos:** "the passenger compartment of an elevator, cableway, airship, or balloon."

 **underoos:** i do like those yes

 

 **irondad:** N O

 **irondad:** cars, the thingys you drive around in that go vroom vroom

 **irondad:**  but NOT the cars movie

 

 **underoos:** you mean cars 2+3?

 **underoos:** yeah i hate those

 **underoos:** 2 was entertaining but 3 made me feel like i was dumpster diving

 

 **irondad:** god i give up

 **irondad:** i give up on you

 **irondad:** i give up on life

 **irondad:** natasha take good care of my kid

 

 **spidermomma:** Will do.

 

 **birduncle#2:** At this point I feel like peter is doing this on purpose

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh he is

 **CAWCAWMF:** he's laughing his ass off

 **CAWCAWMF:** and now glaring at me for blowing his cover

 

 **underoos:** so many opportunities,,

 **underoos:** w a s t e d

 

 **memequeen:** so many pranks

 **memequeen:** l e f t  u n d o n e

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** and everytime we kiss

 **CAWCAWMF:** i  s w e a r  i  c o u l d  f l y

 

 **Fridge:** ca'nt you Guys shut Up

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** i want this to last

 **CAWCAWMF:** need you by my side

 

 **underoos:** mr barton why do you know any of the lyrics past "i swear i could fly"

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** i.... had a phase

 

 **Fridge:** shuuuuTTT Uppppp

 

 **birduncle#2:** why don't you shut up, moron

 

 **memequeen:** be nice to your subordinate

 

 **Fridge:** H e Y

 

 **birduncle#2:** haha 

 

 **irondad:**  you do realise that its because of yall that the bags under my eyes are gucci

 

 **underoos:** the bags under my eyes are from walmart

 

 **memequeen:** cause your a cheep ass bench?

 

**(3:57 PM) Simba is online**

 

 **Simba:** *because **you're ***cheap ****bitch

 

**(3:57 PM) Simba went offline**

 

 **underoos:** because youre cheap bitch

 

 **memequeen:** because youre cheap bitch

 

 **irondad:** because youre cheap bitch

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** because you're cheap bitch

 

 **Fridge:** Guys, language!

 

 **birduncle#2:** fuck off tin can

 

 **Fridge:** Wrong answer, please try again.

 

 **underoos:** wait is mr bucky using proper punctuation and capitals?

 

 **spidermomma:** Sorry, but there is no way in hell that that's Buck.

 **spidermomma:** Especially since

 

 **Fridge:**  Nat do not you dare

 

 **irondad:** they're fucking?

 

 **spidermomma:** they're fucking.

 

 **Fridge:** N O

 

 **spidermomma:** THE WALLS AREN'T SOUNDPROOF.

 

 **underoos:** woah did one of my mothers just use all caps??

 

 **spidermomma:** Yes.

 **spidermomma:** There's others?

 

 **underoos:** yeah pepper

 

**(4:03 PM) birduncle#2 went offline**

**(4:04 PM) Fridge went offline**

 

 

 **spidermomma:** They're getting really serious.

 **spidermomma:** Friday please take me somewhere else.

 

 **ISeeYou:** In order for Friday to be able to do that, you must use an elevator.

 

 **underoos:** AH

 **underoos:**  HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE

 

 **ISeeYou:** This whole time, Peter.

 

 **memequeen:** is peter getting all surprised at vision still being here not the purest thing

 

 **spidermomma:** Anything Peter does is pure.

 

 **underoos:** i killed a man once

 

 **irondad:** HOLD ON W H A T

 **irondad:** WHEN THE FUCK

 

 **ISeeYou:** Steve is telling me to remind you to not swear too much in front of the kid.

 

 **irondad:** I THINK THIS WARRANTS AT LEAST ONE SWEAR

 

 **underoos:** yeah i didnt mean to i just sorta. ah. yeah its not good and im incredibly guilty

 

 **irondad:** you... didn't mean to?? so why are you apologising??

 

**(4:08 PM) underoos went offline**

 

 **irondad:** oh no

 

**(4:09 PM) irondad went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** wow i did not know that he killed someone.

 

 **spidermomma:** Knowing him, it's probably survivor's guilt.

 **spidermomma:** As much as I hate it, he takes after Tony in more ways than one.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yikes..

 

 **spidermomma:** Yeah.

 

**(4:12 PM) spidermomma and CAWCAWMF went offline**

**(4:13 PM) memequeen and ISeeYou went offline**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>    
> 
> 
> [1]neccesse est dormire- it is necessary to sleep  
> [2]non amo te- I do not like you  
> [3]necabo vos- I will kill you (all)  
> [4]non estis boni homines- you (all) are not good people 


	16. caffeine overdose

**Saturday, October 13**

 

**[moist bread]**

**(10:36 AM) underoos, irondad, spidermomma, Simba, ÙwÚ, THUNDER, ISeeYou and memequeen are online**

 

 **underoos:** pwease wewcome...

 **underoos:** the twash!

 

 **ÙwÚ:** Excuse me

 

 **irondad:** kid... no......

 

 **spidermomma:** Please do not talk about yourself in that manner, Peter.

 

 **underoos:** bowd of yew to assume i was tawking about mysewf

 

 **memequeen:** dew it ôwô

 

 **underoos:**  òwó

 

**(10:39 AM) underoos added** **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ to moist bread**

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** uwu

 

 **underoos:** owo

 

 **memequeen:** awa

 

 **ISeeYou:** iwi

 

 **irondad:** who tf is that kid

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** awh he wants to know who i am

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** how sweet *＊✿❀

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** pete you did not

 

 **underoos:** i did òwó

 

 **THUNDER:** YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** it's pretty obvious

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:** <3

 

 **underoos:** pwease no

 **underoos:** pwease downt kiww anybowdy

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:** too late  <3

 

 **irondad:** OH THAT TRASH

 **irondad:** NO

 **irondad:** WADE IS N.O.T ALLOWED HERE IN FRONT OF MY IMPRESSIONABLE SON AND SALAD

 

**(10:45 AM) irondad removed** **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧* from moist bread**

 

 **underoos:** awwww úwù

 

 **irondad:** peter i beg of you to stop

 

 **underoos:** anyone wanna owo real quick?

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** I'm terrified

 

 **spidermomma:** Child, no

 

 **memequeen:** i would like to owo real quick,,,

 

 **underoos:** okay fr though, mr stark i have a very important question

 

 **irondad:** ... what is it

 

 **underoos:** alright so you know how my bpm is already super high as it is

 

 **irondad:** peter whatever the next question the answer is no

 

 **underoos:** OKAY BUT HEAR ME OUT

 **underoos:** if i mixed 10 5 hour energies 10 redbulls and 2 full pots of coffee and drank it all at once would my heart give out

 

 **irondad:** PETER.

 

 **memequeen:** do it pussy

 

 **underoos:** okay here goes nothing

 

 **irondad:** PETER DONT YOU DARE

 **irondad:** I CANNOT AFFORD TO TAKE YOU TO THE ER AGAIN

 

 **ÙwÚ:** Tony you are literally a billionaire

 

 **irondad:** yes i meant that i physically cant afford to

 **irondad:** im p sure that MY heart would give out

 

 **underoos:** oooOOOOOoooHHH

 

 **spidermomma:** Peter, are you alright?

 

 **underoos:** mmmmmmmMMrrrr STTTTTaaaaaaaRRRKKKK 

 

 **irondad:** KID

 **irondad:** OH MY GOD ARE YOU DYING

 

 **underoos:** iiiiiiIIIIII can ssssssseEEEEEEEeeee ccOOOOOOLLLoooooRRRRRsssssss

 

 **irondad:** uh, yeah kid youre supposed to see colors

 

 **underoos:** thhhhHHHHHHHeeeeeYYYY TAAAAAAAssssssTTTTTTEEEeeeee GOOOOoooooDDD

 

 **irondad:** oh dear god kid im omw

 

 **underoos:** AaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA THE SOUUUUNNDSSS ARRRRREEEEee AAtttttAAAAACKINGGG MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

 **spidermomma:** Tony go save the child

 

 **irondad:** IM GOING AS FAST AS I CAN

 

 **underoos:** IIiiiiIIIIIIII SSEEEEEEeeeeEEE THEEEmmMM HEEEEEEllllLLLLPPP

 **underoos:** ttTTTHHEEEeeeEEE SOoooOOOUUunNNDSSS WwwwWAAAaNNT ToooOO EEAAAATTTT MmmMEEEEeeeeEEEE

 

 **THUNDER:** IS THE SMALL CHILD OKAY?

 

 **memequeen:** oh yeah hell be fine

 **memequeen:** last week we tested out how 100% pure caffeine would affect his spidey sense and he didnt die

 

 **irondad:** you did WHAT

 

 **ÙwÚ:** jesus christ this chat is a mess

 

 **underoos:** WHHHheeeEEEEEEEEeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeEEE

 **underoos:** MRRRRRrrRRR STAAAArRRRRK IIII CAAAANNN TAASSTSTTE PuuuuUUUuuuURRRPPpppPLLLlllLllLLLLLLEEEEEEeeeE

 **underoos:** aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

 

 **ÙwÚ:** Is he going to be okay??

 **ÙwÚ:** if any normal human ingested that amount of caffeine, they would have died by now

 

 **irondad:** hes foaming at the mouth, bruce help

 

 **ÙwÚ:** that isn't one of the symptoms???????

 

 **irondad:** oh wait thats just toothpaste

 **irondad:** moron

 

 **memequeen:** he did it for science stark

 **memequeen:** SCIENCE.

 

 **ISeeYou:** I do not approve.

 

 **irondad:** i dont approve either vis is right

 **irondad:** my kid is an idiot

 **irondad:** top of his class but the biggest idiot to ever walk this earth

 

 **ÙwÚ:** I'll be waiting in the infirmary.

 

 **irondad:** thanks b

 

 **ÙwÚ:** No

 **ÙwÚ:** *np

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** I am genuinely concerned is he going to be okay?

 

 **ÙwÚ:** just got him hooked up to a heart monitor, and his heart rate is going crazy

 **ÙwÚ:** god we're gonna have to pump his stomach

 

 **spidermomma:** What an idiot.

 **spidermomma:** If he doesn't come out alive I'm murdering you both in your sleep.

 

**(10:59 AM) spidermomma went offline**

 

 **underoos:** ppppaaaartt oooooofff ttthhhheeeee joouuuuuurrrnnneeeeyyy iissss thheeee eennnd

 **underoos:** iii caaaan seeee every equaaatiooon

 **underoos:** theeee fuuuturreee isss daaarkkk

 

 **ÙwÚ:** NO NO PHONE STARK I TOLD YOU TO WATCH HIM.

 

 **underoos:** aaaannd when ii drift off

 **underoos:** i will drrreeeam abooout yoou

 **underoos:** itss alwaayyss youuu.

 

** (11:01 AM) underoos went offline  
**

 

 **irondad:** sorry hes hard to control

 

 **ÙwÚ:** he literally has a tube in his stomach how hard can it be

 

 **CAWCAWMF:**  is he gonna be okay

 

 **THUNDER:** WILL THE MAN OF SPIDERS BE ALRIGHT? I HAVE BEEN WONDERING.

 

 **memequeen:** oh quit worrying

 **memequeen:** this is far from the first time

 

 **Simba:** Sister, he consumed way too much caffeine. This is serious

 

 **memequeen:** ik but i gotta be an asshole and assure everyone hes gonna be okay

 

 **Simba:** He will be, but that is no need to be an asshole.

 

**(11:06 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** hellllooooooooo

 **underoos:** iiimmmmm fiiiinnneee

 **underoos:** im soooo greeaat i caan taste thee sounnds

 

 **memequeen:**  you are an idiot

 

**(11:08 AM) memequeena and Simba went offline**

 

 **irondad:** KID.

 

**(11:09 AM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

 

 **ÙwÚ:** hhhhh.

 

**(11:09 AM) irondad kicked ÙwÚ and CAWCAWMF offline**

**(11:10 AM) irondad went offline**

**(9:03 PM) underoos, CAWCAWMF, and irondad are online**

**(9:03 PM) underoos add** **ed**   **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ to moist bread**

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** ahh how good to be back

 

 **underoos:** : >

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** and for the readers, peter is okay.

 

 **underoos:** youre weird wtf does that even mean

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** it means exactly what it says, petey ;)

 

 **irondad:** WEEE WOO WEE WOO WERE DONE HERE GOODBYE.

 

**(9:05 PM) irondad kicked ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ offline**

 

 **underoos:** that wasnt very nice

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yeah why'd you do that??

 

 **irondad:** :/

 

**(9:07 PM) ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ is online**

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** ;))

 

**(9:08 PM) irondad kicked ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ offline**

 

 **irondad:** if he comes online again one more time hes off the chat

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** good thing im not online then

 

 **irondad:** WTF.

 

 **MAGIC:** It's not that hard, Stark.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** lmao

 

 **irondad:** ALL OF YOU. OFF.  _NOW._

 

 **underoos:** awwwwh.

 

 **irondad:** shush its bedtime for you kid

 

 **underoos:** awwwwwwwwh

 

**(9:12 PM) irondad kicked underoos and CAWCAWMF offline**

 

 **irondad:** now you two leave however you came on here

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** roger than lmao

 

 **MAGIC:** What if I say no?

 

 **irondad:** fuck you.

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** ooooh yes please

 

 **MAGIC:**  "oooohhhh _no thanks_ " you mean

 **MAGIC:** He has a fiancee, Deadpool

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** man, thats too bad ;(

 

**(9:15 PM) ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ and MAGIC went offline**

**(9:16 PM) irondad went offline**


	17. peter is honestly the biggest idiot and we stan

**Friday** , **October 19**

 

**[the boss bass benches]**

**(12:00 AM) underoos is online**

** (12:00 AM) underoos added waddle to the boss bass benches **

 

 **waddles:** petey as much as i love you why am i here? ｡.｡:+*

 

 **underoos:** i feel like youd have some worthy contributions to this chat

 **underoos:** also i think youre like this close to being removed from the other one

 **underoos:** you cant see it but my fingers are touching

 

 **waddles:**.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡(❁´◡`❁)｡.｡:+*

 

**(12:04 AM) Hurricanes, AAUU, and fastandfurious are online**

 

 **Hurricanes:**  go tf to sleep

 

 **AAUU:** who is that????

 

 **fastandfurious:** I bet its your BOYFRIEND haha

 

 **waddle:** hey no one talks to pete like that ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾(ง'̀-'́)ง☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

 

 **AAUU:** really who the heck is that peter

 

 **fastandfurious:** its penis's boyfriend duh

 

 **waddles:** *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*

 

 **underoos:** his names wade and hes great

 **underoos:** also he needs to be loved because hes in a diff chat and is this close to being kicked

 

 **waddles:** you cant see it but his fingers are touching ༶•┈┈⛧┈♛ ♛┈⛧┈┈•༶

 

 **fastandfurious:** what the hell is with all the sparkles???

 

 **AAUU:** i,,, like them,,,,,,,,

 

 **Hurricanes:** Seriously who is this guy

 

 **underoos:** this chat is also so dead

 **underoos:** the other one is too but thats cause everyone is too scared to say anything

 **underoos:** but no one talks in this one

 

**(12:13 AM) unwantedvegetables is online**

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** GO. TO. BED. YOU. MORONS.

 **unwantedvegetables:** also peter adding literal deadpool to the acadec chat is literally the stupidest thing youve ever done

 **unwantedvegetables:** and i once saw you try to eat a sandwich made of rocks to "see how well it would digest"

 

 **AAUU:** wait thats deadpool???? wtf

 

 **waddles:** ☆♬○♩●♪✧♩thats me!!♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

 

**(12:15 AM) unwantedvegetables removed waddles from the boss bass benches**

 

 **underoos:** awhh

 **underoos:** i mean i added him on a dare but awhh

 

 **AAUU:** wtf

 

 **fastandfurious:** there is no way that was actual literal mercenary deadpool. parker's not cool enough for that

 

 **underoos:** :(

 

**(12:17 AM) underoos went offline**

**(12:17 AM) unwantedvegetables kicked AAUU, Hurricanes, and fastandfurious offline**

**(12:18 AM) unwantedvegetables went offline**

* * *

** [moist bread] **

 

**(8:18 AM) underoos, ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧, irondad, tonysbabysitter, CAWCAWMF, spidermomma, Fridge, and Magnet are online**

 

 **underoos:** hey mr stark are you okay

 **underoos:** i thought you were, like, dying in space

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** I wouldn't let that happen.

 

 **irondad:**  yeah uuuuhhh no kid im right here

 

 **underoos:** oh

 **underoos:** then is mr rogers okay too?

 

 **Magnet:** yup

 

 **Fridge:** yeah, My boyfs good

 

 **underoos:** man it must have been a caffeine-induced hallucination

 **underoos:**  weird

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** hey petey can you change my name to something easier to type

 

 **underoos:** why

 

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:** because the author is getting tired of copying and pasting my nickname over and over again ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what the hell is with this guy???

 

 **underoos:** idk but its fine

 

**(8:22 AM) underoos changed ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* DP *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧'s name to waddles**

 

 **underoos:** sorry i liked it : >

 

 **waddles:** its okay i like it too

 **waddles:** the author doesn't but 

 **waddles:** whatever ˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙‧̍̊

 

 **underoos:** good

 

 **spidermomma:** Can we go back to the part where Peter has a hallucination about Stark dying?

 

 **underoos:** oh yeah im banned from all forms of caffeine now

 **underoos:** that was made very clear when i went into cardiac arrest

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** You went into WHAT

 

 **irondad:** i was less than impressed.

 **irondad:** nearly gave me a fucking heart attack

 

 **Magnet:** Language!

 

 **waddles:** i should try caffeine sometime

 

 **irondad:** i am NOT coming to your rescue if you go into cardiac arrest

 

 **waddles:** oh don't worry i'm fine

 **waddles:** i just want to be able to see into alternate universes so vividly too

 

 **underoos:** excuse me

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** I would love to actually understand that

 

 **irondad:** okay alright away he goes

 

**(8:31 AM) irondad kicked waddles offline**

 

 **underoos:** awh

 

 **Fridge:** ha Ha the Trash Is gone

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** the hhhhhhh trash. is gone

 

 **Magnet:** Harsh.

 

 **irondad:** he deserved it

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** Yes, and weve also gotta take care of Peter, yknow?

 

 **underoos:** i can take care of myself!!

 

 **spidermomma:** Yeah, right.

 

 **underoos:** I C A N.

 

 **irondad:** uh huh.

 **irondad:** and what about that time you broke a china bowl, looked at me, glared, and shoved a big ass piece of the broken bowl into your mouth and just. chewed slowly. crunching. before fucking swallowing the wholeass piece of china

 

 **Magnet:** Language! The child!

 

 **underoos:** ...we agreed not to talk about that...

 

 **irondad:** yeah. we also agreed not to talk about that time you got stuck in your webbing after it exploded so you decided it was a reasonable time to test if it was edible and began eating your way out of it

 

 **underoos:** dad

 **underoos:** MR STARK

 **underoos:** sshIT

 

**(8:37 AM) underoos cleared one (1) messages from moist bread**

 

 **underoos:** cough cough we decided to not talk about that EITHER.

 

 **irondad:** ... dad?

 

**(8:37 AM) underoos cleared one (1) messages from moist bread**

 

 **underoos:** what are you talking about mr stark i did not eat anything.

 

 **irondad:** what about that time you asked me if i dared you to fit as many grapes as you could in your mouth and i said no i dont but you ended up shoving 37 of them in there

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** wow a lot of these are centered around eating

 

 **underoos:** none of that ever happened.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** I can't believe he called Tony dad

 **CAWCAWMF:** we been knew

 

 **underoos:** no that never happened you have no proof

 

 **spidermomma:** Why haven't I been unironically called Mom yet?

 

 **underoos:** never happened!!!! why are you jealous of something that never happened!!!

 

 **Fridge:** i have A Screenshot of It

 

 **Magnet:** yeah he showed me it just before Peter deleted it.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** send it send it send it send it

 

 **Fridge:** [chatscreenshot7xuo.png]

 

 **irondad:** aaaaaa

 

 **underoos:** N O

 

**(8:45 AM) underoos cleared one (1) messages from moist bread**

 

 **underoos:** nu uh.

 

 **irondad:** yes uh!!!! im getting the adoption forms, calling may, this is getting finalised right the fuck now

 

 **underoos:** stop youre stressing me out

 **underoos:** and stress is bad for the baby

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** ... What baby?

 

 **underoos:** me

 

 **Magnet:** That it is.

 **Magnet:** AND SO IS BAD LANGUAGE TONY.

 

 **irondad:** fuck you wheres your child

 **irondad:** oh wait you dont have one

 **irondad:** i have to tell pepper

 

 **underoos:** hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

 **irondad:** me too kid

 

 **underoos:** :(

 **underoos:** i have class goodbye mr dad

 **underoos:** dad

 **underoos:**  i have class. goodbye mr stark

 

**(8:49 AM) underoos cleared two (2) messages from moist bread**

**(8:50 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** get that education bruh

 

 **spidermomma:** Hell yeah.

 

**(8:51 AM) spidermomma went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** so.... what are the two lovebirds doing

 **CAWCAWMF:** wiggles eyebrows

 

 **Fridge:** none of your Fucking business

 

 **Magnet:** language buck

 

 **Fridge:** make Me

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** that doesn't even make sense

 

 **Magnet:** Nothing gets in the way of true love

 

 **irondad:** get a room

 

**(8:53 AM) irondad kicked Fridge and Magnet offline**

 

 **irondad:** so...

 **irondad:** pete called me dad and i found my will to live today :)

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** lmao ik

 

 **irondad:** i am the happy.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** i can tell

 **CAWCAWMF:** this is the nicest you've ever been to me

 

 **irondad:** normally id say fuck you but im just so happy

 

**(8:56 AM) irondad went offline**

**(8:57 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

 


	18. fruitless

**Sunday, October 21**

 

**[moist bread]**

**(1:28 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:**  the futility of life is eating me whole

 **underoos:** god, i wish uncle ben were here.

 **underoos:** sometimes i think about

 **underoos:** but i cant do that to may

 **underoos:** ...

 **underoos:**  oranges and lemons

 **underoos:**  but god im so scared

 **underoos:**  because what if may 

 **underoos:**  what if she dies too??

 **underoos:**  the parker luck leaves no survivors and i cant deal with that

 **underoos:**  and she tries so hard all the time

 **underoos:**  taking care of a superpowered teenager isnt a fucking stroll in the park but

 **underoos:**  it feels like shes working herself to death with all the shifts she has and i cant do anything to help

 **underoos:**  i hate not being able to help

 **underoos:**  i just want her to be happy and she says she is but the bags under her eyes say otherwise

 **underoos:**  i just want things to be okay and i wish she didnt worry so much about me

 **underoos:** im not worth worrying about.

 

**(1:39 AM) underoos cleared seventeen (17) messages from moist bread**

** (1:40 AM) underoos went offline **

** (9:31 AM) CAWCAWMF, irondad, spidermomma, THUNDER, ReindeerGames, memequeen, ISeeYou, birduncle#2, Fridge, Magnet, and underoos are online **

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what was peter doing up at 1:30 am

 

 **underoos:** nothing important

 

 **spidermomma:** It says you cleared 17 messages from the chat

 

 **underoos:** they were nothing

 

 **irondad:** kid...

 

 **underoos:** i swear!! i just had a bad night and rambled a bit so i deleted it!

 **underoos:** really it was nothiinshdfkngknldsskabjfknghlyujfcxfdzs'a

 

 **THUNDER:** MAY I ASK WHAT THAT MEANS, MAN OF SPIDERS?

 

 **underoos:** dont SCARE ME LIKE THAT

 

 **ReindeerGames:** he fumbled and dropped his phone is all

 

 **Fridge:** why is thor Capitalising Everything

 

 **birduncle#2:** why Are You always Typing like This

 

 **Fridge:** shut the Shit up

 

 **underoos:** hey does anyone else find it weird that fridge is spelled with a d but refrigerator isnt

 

 **memequeen:** OH NO

 **memequeen:** WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

 

 **irondad:** seriously kid are you okay

 

 **underoos:** haha yeah

 **underoos:** m fine

 

 **ReindeerGames:** :/

 

 **ISeeYou:** Loki is not in the tower currently.

 

 **THUNDER:** BROTHER, YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE

 **THUNDER:** THE MIDGARDIANS ARE NOT THE BIGGEST FAN OF YOU.

 

 **ReindeerGames:** yeah but I'm out here comforting our child soo really who's the hero now

 

 **irondad:** what?????

 

 **ReindeerGames:**  Oh come on

 **ReindeerGames:** if you look at your old notifications you can see exactly what he said.

 

 **underoos:** nnnoooooooo

 

 **irondad:** peter...

 

 **memequeen:** wow thats some deep and dark shit you sure youre ok

 

 **ISeeYou:** It is advised that you are with someone, Peter.

 

 **underoos:** im fine

 **underoos:** lokis here too so its okay

 **underoos** **:** everything is fine

 

 **THUNDER:** STARKSON, YOU APPEARED TO BE SAD

 **THUNDER:** ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT NOW?

 

 **ReindeerGames:** of course not dipshit

 

 **irondad:** pete im 15 mins away stay where you are

 

 **underoos:** you guys im finee

 

 **spidermomma:** Accept help when you need it, Peter.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yeah dude you gotta grab that hand and wrestle your way back up

 **CAWCAWMF:** the world don't stop for nobody

 **CAWCAWMF:** when life gives you lemons

 

 **underoos:** i kick and you like to punch

 **underoos:** im unhinged and youre undone

 **underoos:** im not getting out of here alive

 **underoos:** i brought a lemon to a knife fight

 

 **irondad:** uh kid wrong answer

 **irondad:** youre supposed to say "you break out the vodka and twist the hell out of a martini"

 **irondad:** cmon i taught you better than this

 

 **underoos:** sorry papa

 

 **spidermomma:** Still waiting on my "mom".

 

 **memequeen:** wait what

 

 **Magnet:** Oh, haven't you heard?

 

 **Fridge:** peter Called tony dad Unironically

 

 **memequeen:** oh yeah he does that a lot

 

 **underoos:** SHURI

 **underoos:** IM ALREADY HAVING A BAD TIME HOW COULD YOU EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS

 

 **ReindeerGames:** He admits it. 

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** smol

 

 **Fridge:** wow What a power Duo

 

 **memequeen:** stop typing like that

 **memequeen:** peter kick him offline i cant stand seeing his awful sentences

 

 **underoos:** i cant do that!

 **underoos:** its not nice :(

 

 **THUNDER:** HOW DO I MAKE MY LETTERS SMALL

 

 **underoos:** arrow on the side

 

 **THUNDER:** Finally, thank you.

 

 **ReindeerGames:** good god thank you for that peter

 

 **underoos:** you could just talk to me loki

 

 **ReindeerGames:** I need the whole chat to see my gratitude.

 **ReindeerGames:** otherwise I'm just an ungrateful twig

 

 **underoos:** :. >

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what is happening

 

 **underoos:** hell if i know 

 

 **memequeen:** happy crimmus

 

 **underoos:** its crisman

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** merry crisis

 

 **spidermomma:** merry chrysler

 

 **irondad:** kid open up

 

 **underoos:** JBDSKFDJ EVERYONE STPO SCARING ME

 **underoos:** YOSU DONT SJUTS SCREAMS FBI OPEB UP OUT OF NOWHEER DAD

 

 **irondad:** :O

 

 **memequeen:** *insert poorly drawn pikachu face meme here*

 

 **underoos:** life is a party and im the piñata

 

 **irondad:** kid dont say that!!

 

 **ReindeerGames:** its cold outside but im still lookin like a thottie cause a hoe never gets cold

 

 **irondad:** i hate both that you texted that and that i had to hear those words actually come out of your mouth

 

 **underoos:** why dont we just... talk to each other

 **underoos:** were literally all in the same room

 

 **ReindeerGames:** because I don't want to look at stark, peter

 

 **underoos:** lmao fair enough

 

 **irondad:** loki your job is done now leave

 **irondad:** i have a son to comfort.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** and adoption papers to get

 

 **irondad:** oh no def not

 **irondad:** his aunt would literally fist fight me and if that woman can take me down with a single look i dont think id survive hand to hand combat

 

 **underoos:**  (ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง

 

 **irondad:** kid no fighting is not the answer

 

 **underoos:** okay...

 

 **irondad:** good okay back to business

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what business

 

 **memequeen:** yeah like we wernt talking about anyhing important before

 **memequeen:**  not

 **memequeen:** clint.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh yeah we were comforting yeeter

 

 **spidermomma:** Correct.

 

 **Fridge:** i Have a Question

 

 **underoos:**  ⁽ง'̀⁻'́⁾ง

 

 **THUNDER:** We may have answers.

 

 **Magnet:** Woah, I can't believe he got away with that.

 

 **memequeen:** wait what

 **memequeen:** got away with what

 

 **underoos:** dont expose me steeb i have a butterknife and im not afraid to use it

 **underoos:**  ⁽ง'̀⁻'́⁾ง

 

 **spidermomma:** It's just because Tony's eyesight is so bad he can't see the (ง'̀-'́)ง unless it's big

 

 **irondad:** what

 **irondad:** wait, excuse me??

 **irondad:**  [exCUSEme??.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/83/cb/cd/83cbcd13b89a326e727d4276299e53ac--excuse-me-marvel-heroes.jpg)

 

 **memequeen:** lmao it true

 

 **underoos:**  ⁽ง'̀⁻'́⁾ง

 

 **irondad:** peter no

 **irondad:** fighting isnt the answer

 

 **underoos:** im in danger

 

 **irondad:** WH

**irondad:** _(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง_

 

 **spidermomma:** Hypocrisy.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** haha imagine if people actually pronounced it "hip-oh-crah-see" instead of "hippo-crah-see"

 

**(9:58 AM) Fridge went offline**

**(9:59 AM) Magnet went offline**

 

 **birduncle#2:** Wow you offended them so much they left

 **birduncle#2:** In fact, I may just join them 

 

**(10:00 AM) birduncle#2 went offline**

 

 **ReindeerGames:** Clint, you uncultured swine it's pronounced həˈpäkrəsē

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** see, it would be great,, if i knew what that sounded like

 

 **ReindeerGames:**  you're an idiot

 

**(10:03 AM) ReindeerGames went offline**

 

 **THUNDER:** Do not worry, Eye of Hawk, for my brother doth call me that regularly.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** he actively hates you

 

 **THUNDER:** On the outside, perhaps.

 

**(10:05 AM) THUNDER went offline**

 

 **underoos:** the chatpocalypse

 

 **memequeen:** that sounds like something the emoji movie would have come up with

 

 **underoos:** EXCUSE ME??????

**underoos:** [exCUSEme??.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/83/cb/cd/83cbcd13b89a326e727d4276299e53ac--excuse-me-marvel-heroes.jpg)

 

 **spidermomma:** Like father, like son.

 

 **irondad:** im,, so proud,

 

**(10:08 AM) spidermomma went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** tasha nooo

 

**(10:09 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

 

 **memequeen:** this deescalated quickly

 

 **underoos:** is that even a word???

 

 **ISeeYou:** I can confirm that it is, in fact, a word, meaning to reduce the intensity of (a conflict or potentially violent situation).

 

 **underoos:** YGJDBWKSJBEK HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE

 

 **ISeeYou:** I am here Always.

 

 **underoos:** thats so ominous i dont know why

 

 **memequeen:** its bc he capitalised the a

 **memequeen:** also i gtg, its time for my mid afternoon nap

 **memequeen:** god i love sleeping

 

 **underoos:** wish i could relate

 

**(10:14 AM) memequeen went offline**

 

 **ISeeYou:** She said mid-afternoon nap because she is 6 hours ahead of us.

 

 **irondad:** yeah vis, we know

 

 **underoos:** oh yeah

 **underoos:** its only 10 am

 **underoos:** oof todays gonna b a long day

 

**(10:17 AM) ISeeYou went offline**

 

 **underoos:** oh bye bye

 **underoos:** so

 **underoos:** hows the weather

 

 **irondad:** kid

 

 **underoos:** yeah

 

 **irondad:** were the only ones left in the chat rn

 

 **underoos:** yeah

 

 **irondad:** ...

 **irondad:** were literally in the same room

 

 **underoos:** yeah

 **underoos:** whats ur point

 

**(10:20 AM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

**(10:20 AMO irondad went offline**

 


	19. in this world, it's yeet or be yote

**Monday, October 22**

 

**[the boss bass benches]**

**(3:34 PM) AAUU, underoos, fastandfurious, unwantedvegetables, pickles, Hurricanes, and SPACE O.O are online**

 

 **AAUU:** PETER WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **underoos:** ???????

 

 **AAUU:** HOW THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO THAT

 

 **underoos:** what?? are you talking about???

 

 **fastandfurious:** yeah sally what did he do

 

 **AAUU:** this FUCKER just JUMPED the FUCKING FENCE like some sort of FROG 

 **AAUU:** what the fuck.

 

 **pickles:** Oh my god Peter seriously

 

 **SPACE O.O:** What?  >.<

 

 **AAUU:** what the fuck what the fuck

 

 **pickles:** Peter you idiot

 

 **underoos:** fuck fukc fucj

 **underoos:** mr syark ia gonns br so maf

 **underoos:** siht

 

 **fastandfurious:** ??? what the hell did Parker do?

 

 **AAUU:** this moTHERFUCKER JUST.

 

 **underoos:** I WILL PAY YOU LOTS OF MONEY TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT SALLY

 

 **AAUU:** HOW THE FUCK MUCH ARE WE TALKING

 

 **underoos:** hold on LET ME CHECK

 

**(3:40 PM) underoos went offline**

* * *

 

 

**[moist bread]**

 

**(3:40 PM) underoos, irondad, spidermomma, and CAWCAWMF are online**

 

 **underoos:** QUICK MR STARK

 **underoos:** HELP

 

 **irondad:** what happened??

 

 **underoos:** YOU KNOW SALLY AVRIL

 **underoos:** SHES IN THE ACADEC 

 

 **irondad:** vaguely...?

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh my god what happened now.

 

 **underoos:** SHE SAW ME JUMP THE FENCE BEHIND THE SCHOOL

 **underoos:** I NEED U TO PAY HER TO NOT TALK

 

 **irondad:** jesus christ

 

 **spidermomma:** Peter, you idiot, make sure people aren't looking!

 **spidermomma:** It's a wonder no one has figured out your identity yet.

 

 **underoos:** sorry mom

 

**(3:46 PM) underoos and irondad went offline**

 

 **spidermomma:** :O

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** tasha r u crying

 

 **spidermomma:** No! I just caught something in my eye!

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** was it tears

 

 **spidermomma:** Trained assassins don't cry, Clint.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** then clearly u are not a trained assassin

 

 **spidermomma:** Go to hell.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** **heck

 

 **spidermomma:**  🖕

 

**(3:49 PM) spidermomma went offline**

**(3:50 PM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

 

* * *

 

 

**[the boss bass benches]**

 

 **pickles:** Man what an idiot

 

 **fastandfurious:** hell yeah he is

 

 **pickles:** Shut up flash no one asked you

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** but peter is a huge ass idiot

 

 **SPACE O.O:** what did he do?????

 

 **AAUU:** UGH HE JUST FUCKING

 **AAUU:** i cant tell yall just in case he actually gives me money like 

 **AAUU:** my parents kinda need support rn cause my dad's out of a job and my moms asshat boss just fucked off w/out giving her her last 4 paychecks

 

 **pickles:**  Aw man I'm sorry, Sally

 

 **AAUU:** its fine i guess

 

**(3:46 PM) underoos is online**

**(3:46 PM) underoos added GBPP to the boss bass benches**

 

 **GBPP:** alright, which one of you is sally avril

 

 **AAUU:** me...?

 

 **GBPP:** cool cool let me just send some #private messages to you

 

 **underoos:** please dont,,,, embarass me,,,,,,,,,

 

 **GBPP:** waaay too late for that kid

 

 **fastandfurious:** Who the fuck is that?

 

 **GBPP:** oh its You again

 **GBPP:** you know who i am.

 

**(3:49 PM) GBPP and AAUU went offline**

 

* * *

 

 

**[GBPP--- > AAUU]**

**(3:50 PM) GBPP and AAUU are online**

 

 **GBPP:** Hello.

 **GBPP:**  Look, make my job easier and just name any amount of money that will keep you from telling everyone that Peter is spiderman

 

 **AAUU:** HES WHAT

 

 **GBPP:** jesus christ i see now why no ones noticed yet

 **GBPP:** just. i am a literal billionaire. i could give you 500k and it wouldn't matter.

 

 **AAUU:** HOW THE FUCK CAN THIS 12 YEAR OLD LOOKING TWINK BE SPIDERMAN

 

 **GBPP:** lmao he is a twink isnt he

 

 **AAUU:**  ALSO HOLD MY SHITS YOURE TONY STARK???

 **AAUU:** PETER WASNT LYING OHH MY GOD

 

 **GBPP:** Kid, please hurry up. I have a lot of business to pretend to do.

 

 **AAUU:** GOD I ONLY NEED LIKE 2K AT MOST TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT MY MOM LOST OH MY GOD

 **AAUU:** OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

 

 **GBPP:** Cool, consider it done.

 **GBPP:** Also, please don't call or use this number after this without a very, very good reason.

 

 **AAUU:** YEAH YEAH SURE WHATEVER OH MY GOD

 

**(3:55 PM) GBPP went offline**

**(3:56 PM) AAUU went offline**

* * *

 

 

**[the boss bass benches]**

 

 **underoos:** so uh

 **underoos:**  general question

 

 **SPACE O.O:** yes?

 

 **underoos:** do you ever look at something and wonder what the actual 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜 they were on?

 

 **pickles:** all the

 **pickles:** everyday

 **pickles:** all the time

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** what is this in reference to

 

**underoos:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0lIlROWro8>

 

 **fastandfurious:** okay what the fuck

 

 **underoos:** tbh i want whatever they were on

 

**(3:56 PM) GBPP and AAUU are online**

 

 **GBPP:** peter no drugs allowed in this household

 **GBPP:** also please remove me from the chat now. the deed is done

 

 **AAUU:** PETER I STILL CANT FUCKING BELIEVE YOU

 **AAUU:** IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE BUT JESUS CHRIST

 **AAUU:** YJGHBDKSBJD

 

**(4:01 PM) AAUU went offline**

**(4:02 PM) underoos removed GBPP from the boss bass benches**

 

 **underoos:** ive made many a mistake in my time.

 **underoos:** dont be like me, kids

 

 **pickles:** Peter you're 15

 

 **underoos:** :/

 

**(4:05 PM) underoos went offline**

 

 **fastandfurious:** im still curious as to what penis did

 

**(4:06 PM) unwantedvegetables kicked fastandfurious offline**

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** we dont condone bullying on my good christian roblox server.

 

 **Hurricanes:** fair enough lmao

 **Hurricanes:** hey remember hurricane seymour

 

 **pickles:** you literally won't let us forget about it

 

 **Hurricanes:** ;)

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** okay were done here goodbye

 

**(4:08 PM) unwantedvegetables kicked pickles, SPACE O.O, and Hurricanes offline**

**(4:08 PM) unwantedvegetables went offline**

 


	20. btich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slight warning for mention of drug use! nothing too big, promise :>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone requested that i list the names and who they are as a reminder for anyone who's forgotten, so here you are!
> 
> moist bread (the avengers' chat):  
> irondad: Tony  
> ÙwÚ: Bruce  
> Fridge: Bucky  
> birduncle#2: Sam  
> Magnet: Steve  
> spidermomma: Natasha  
> ReindeerGames: Loki  
> THUNDER: Thor  
> underoos: Peter  
> tonysbabysitter: Rhodey  
> CAWCAWMF: Clint  
> popnlock: Wanda  
> ISeeYou: Vision  
> ANTONY:((: Scott  
> Simba: T'Challa  
> memequeen: Shuri  
> MAGIC: Stephen (Dr. Strange)  
> waddles: Wade
> 
>  
> 
> the boss bass benches (the acadec chat):  
> fastandfurious: Flash  
> underoos: Peter  
> pickles: Ned  
> unwantedvegetables: MJ  
> lincoln: Abe  
> Betty: Betty  
> AAUU: Sally  
> SPACE O.O: Cindy  
> Hurricanes: Seymour  
> Harrington: Mr. Harrington

**Thursday, October 25**

 

**[moist bread]**

 

**(12:01 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** G U Y S

 **underoos:** HALLOWEEN IS ALMOST HERE

 

**(12:02 AM) irondad is online**

**(12:02 AM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

**(12:02 AM) irondad went offline**

**(8:09 AM) CAWCAWMF, ISeeYou, ANTONY:(( , memequeen, Simba, MAGIC, and tonysbabysitter are online**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** holy shit peter just got fucking rejected

 

 **ISeeYou:** Yes and I am robot

 

 **Simba:** ** I am a robot

 

 **memequeen:** get the fuck out of here you goddamn furry ass hoe

 

 **Simba:** No.

 

 **MAGIC:** No, let him stay.

 **MAGIC:** He's the most reasonable out of all of you.

 

**(8:12 AM) irondad and underoos are online**

 

 **underoos:** hi!! :D

 

 **irondad:** no, nuh uh, nope,

 **irondad:** time for education bye bye

 

**(8:13 AM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

 

 **irondad:** okay now that hes gone

 **irondad:** who the hell let strange on here

 

 **MAGIC:** Peter did, remember?

 

 **irondad:** no, i meant who let you on earth

 

 **MAGIC:** ????

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** this is strangely entertaining

 

 **tonysbabysitter:**  Strange-ly

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** no

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** whas going on?

 

 **irondad:** i am, rather reasonably, asking who allowed this cursed being to live

 

 **MAGIC:** Yes, that is what I'm asking

 

 **irondad:** YOU TAKE THAT BACK BITCH

 

 **ISeeYou:** Steve has been alerted to the bad words.

 

 **irondad:** oh jfc

 

**(8:20 AM) Fridge and Magnet are online**

 

 **Magnet:** Tony, don't be so mean.

 

 **MAGIC:** Yeah, Tony.

 

 **Magnet:** You too, Stephen.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** (audiomessage.mov)

 

 **MAGIC:** NO.

 **MAGIC:** IT IS PRONOUNCED STEE-VEN

 **MAGIC:** DON'T YOU DARE  DO THAT

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** okay steeven

 

 **Fridge:** hey Hey, steeb

 

 **Magnet:** yes?

 

 **Fridge:** i Lorf you

 

 **Magnet:** I don't know what that means, but I think I lorf you too.

 

 **Fridge:** <3

 

**(8:24 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** hey did u know i used to think that  <3 was a happy cat face and not a heart

 **underoos:** sometimes i cant help but look at it like it is

 

 **Simba:** Furry

 

 **memequeen:** says the pot

 

 **underoos:** oh yeah talking about pot i found this kid who sells pot and its actually a really good deal

 

 **memequeen:** oh really?? how much dude

 

 **underoos:** 7 bucks for a gram

 

 **memequeen:** WOW DUDE THATS REALLY GOOD

 

 **underoos:** IK

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** tony... come collect your kid...

 

 **tonysbabysitter:**  Oh no. Nu uh. This is not what I signed up for.

 **tonysbabysitter:** My name clearly says "tonysbabysitter" not "tonysdumbasskidsbabysitter"

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh does it?

 

**(8:30 AM) underoos changed tonysbabysitter's name to tonysdumbasskidsbabysitter**

 

 **tonysdumbasskidsbabysitter:** CHANGE IT BACK.

 

**(8:31 AM) irondad changed tonysdumbasskidsbabysitter's name to tonysbabysitter**

 

 **irondad:** kid i sincerely hope youre joking

 

 **Magnet:** Me too.

 

 **Fridge:** Steeb says So, so So Do i

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** did you just use so three times in a row and have it be gramatically correct

 

 **Fridge:** yes, i Did.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** but back to the main question: is the child joking?

 

 **underoos:** oh i am

 **underoos:** i mean not about the actual kid and the cheap ass weed and stuff but like

 **underoos:** im joking about the insinuation that i was going to buy it

 **underoos:** haha

 

 **irondad:** Kid...

 

 **underoos:** dad my metabolisms too fast anyway it wouldnt even do anything

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** you say that like youve tried it before

 

 **underoos:** no comment.

 

 **irondad:** PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

 

 **ANTONY:(( :**  👏

 

 **irondad:** NO. DO NOT APPLAUD THAT

 

 **MAGIC:**  👏

 

 **memequeen:**  👏

 

 **Simba:**  👏

 

 **ISeeYou:**  👏

 

**CAWCAWMF: 👏**

 

 **Magnet:** Listen to Tony! This is serious!

 

 **Fridge:**  👏

 

 **Magnet:** Bucky!

 

 **Fridge:** sorry Steeb its Just

 **Fridge:** its too Good not To

 

 **Magnet:** I am very disappointed in you.

 

 **Frigde:** OH nO

 **Fridge:** THIS iS BY fAR THE wORST POSSIBLE oUTCOME

 

 **Magnet:** :(

 

**(8:41 AM) Fridge and Magnet went offline**

 

 **MAGIC:**  👏

 

 **memequeen:** you already applauded wyd

 

 **MAGIC:** Oh, no I'm applauding because they left.

 

 **memequeen:** oh

 **memequeen:** haha

 

 **underoos:** if it helps my case ive also drank copious amounts of alcohol and that too is ineffective 

 **underoos:** i cannot get drunk

 **underoos:** at least not with the cheap ass shit us high schoolers can actually get ahold of

 

 **memequeen:** PETER HOW DOES THAT HELP YOUR CASE

 

 **underoos:** I ALSO TRIED COCAINE ONCE

 **underoos:** IT HURT MY NOSE

 

 **irondad:** KID WHAT THE SHIT

 

 **underoos:** IM SORRY

 **underoos:** I THOUGHT THAT SINCE I HAVE AN ENHANCED METABOLISM ID BE FINE 

 **underoos:** AND I WAS

 

 **irondad:** THAT DOESNT MAKE IT OKAY

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** this is gold lmao

 

 **irondad:** stay the fuck out of this, birdshit

 

 **memequeen:** but its just about getting good!

 

 **irondad:** youre fucking lucky you need to stay afterschool and that your friend mj is scary as shit because if not id be picking you up immediately

 

 **memequeen:** press f to pay respects

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** f

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** f

 

 **ISeeYou:** f

 

 **Simba:** f

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** f

 

 **MAGIC:** f

 

 **irondad:** jesus. fucking. christ.

 

 **underoos:** f

 

 **memequeen:** dude you aint supposed to pay respects to yourself

 

 **underoos:** i dont follow rule B)

 

 **irondad:** THATS WHAT GOT YOU IN THIS SITUATION MISTER

 

 **underoos:** B:O

 

 **memequeen:** f

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** a true warrior

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** yall ugly

 

**(8:57 AM) tonysbabysitter went offline**

 

 **MAGIC:** haha same

 

**(8:57 AM) MAGIC went offline**

 

 **memequeen:** what a bitch

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** your not any better, bint

 

 **Simba:** **You're

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** ah, he's still at it. what a ledge

 

 **underoos:** whyd u say ledge

 **underoos:** theres no d in legend

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** because he's an actual ledge that i want to throw myself off of

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** Didn't you guys already have this conversation but about the words fridge and refrigerator instead?

 

 **memequeen:** D O N T  B R I N G  T H A T  U P

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** Woah woah okay calm your tits

 

 **underoos:** hahahhahaahahahahahahahhaahaahaha laughing my fuckin ass off

 

 **irondad:** no. focus on your fucking schoolwork pete

 

 **underoos:** oh no dost thou hate me

 

 **irondad:** i could never

 **irondad:** bitch

 

**(9:04 AM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

**(9:04 AM) tonysbabysitter is online**

**(9:04 AM) irondad went offline**

 

 **memequeen:** man i cant believe he got caught like that tho

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** Yeah, I've done alot of illegal stuff in my time and tbh I've never seen anyone get caught like that

 

 **Simba:** He fought like a true warrior

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** that's what i said

 

 **memequeen:** yeah but

 **memequeen:** no one cares when you say it

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** lmao

 

 **CAWCAWMF:**!!!!!!

 **CAWCAWMF:** WHEN TF DID YOU GET ON

 

 **tonysbabysitter:** oh just a little while earlier.

 **tonysbabysitter:** buh bye

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** shi t how do the cops keep finding me

 **ANTONY:(( :** hold up rhodes im coming with you

 

**(9:12 AM) tonysbabysitter and ANTONY:((  went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** man what a turd

 

 **Simba:** That sounds like something Shuri would have said when we were kids

 

 **memequeen:** im... still a kid

 

 **Simba:**  Exactly.

 

 **memequeen:** BITCH

 

 **Simba:** Excuse me?

 

 **memequeen:** MUST I SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU, YOUR HIGHNESS?

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** lmao

 

 **memequeen:** YOU ARE A

 **memequeen:** B

 **memequeen:** I

 **memequeen:** C

 **memequeen:** T

 **memequeen:** H

 **memequeen:** wait

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** OH MY GOD

 

 **Simba:** Oh, my.

 **Simba:** I am a bicth.

 

 **memequeen:** NO YOU BTICH

 **memequeen:** FUCK

 

 **Simba:** This is amusing.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:**  i'm agree.

 **CAWCAWMF:** but alas, i must leave

 

**(9:16 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

 

 **memequeen:** i hate you

 

 **Simba:** Love you too, sister :)

 

 **memequeen:** fuck you

 

 **Simba:** <3

 

 **memequeen:**  🖕

 

**(9:19 AM) memequeen went offline**

**(9:20 AM) Simba went offline**


	21. hhhnnnnngggggghh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> moist bread (the avengers' chat):  
> irondad: Tony  
> ÙwÚ: Bruce  
> Fridge: Bucky  
> birduncle#2: Sam  
> Magnet: Steve  
> spidermomma: Natasha  
> ReindeerGames: Loki  
> THUNDER: Thor  
> underoos: Peter  
> tonysbabysitter: Rhodey  
> CAWCAWMF: Clint  
> popnlock: Wanda  
> ISeeYou: Vision  
> ANTONY:((: Scott  
> Simba: T'Challa  
> memequeen: Shuri  
> MAGIC: Stephen (Dr. Strange)  
> waddles: Wade
> 
>  
> 
> the boss bass benches (the acadec chat):  
> fastandfurious: Flash  
> underoos: Peter  
> pickles: Ned  
> unwantedvegetables: MJ  
> lincoln: Abe  
> Betty: Betty  
> AAUU: Sally  
> SPACE O.O: Cindy  
> Hurricanes: Seymour  
> Harrington: Mr. Harrington

**Friday, October 26**

 

**[moist bread]**

 

**(12:00 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** HALLOWEEN

 

**(12:00 AM) underoos went offline**

**(1:00 AM) underoos is online**

 

**underoos:** HALLOWEEN

 

**(1:00 AM) underoos went offline**

**(2:00 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** HALLOWEEN

 

**(2:01 AM) underoos went offline**

**(3:00 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** HALLOWEEN

 

**(3:00 AM) underoos went offline**

**(4:00 AM) underoos is online**

 

**underoos:** HALLOWEEN

 

**(4:02 AM) underoos went offline**

**(5:00 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** HALLOWEEN

 

**(5:00 AM) underoos went offline**

**(6:00 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** HALLOWEEN

 

**(6:00 AM) underoos went offline**

**(6:01 AM) CAWCAWMF, ISeeYou, ANTONY:(( , memequeen, Simba, popnlock, THUNDER, MAGIC, and waddles are online**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** looks like someone's stoked for halloween

 

 **popnlock:** who isn't???

 

 **memequeen:** ^^

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** who is @popnlock

 

 **memequeen:** ew did you just use an @ sign

 **memequeen:** what does that even do

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** it specifies what I am talking about?? i think idk asdjbsfkd

 

 **THUNDER:** I, TOO, WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO IT IS.

 

 **ISeeYou:** That's Wanda.

 **ISeeYou:** She's mad at me for putting paprika on the bed.

 **ISeeYou:** So, she's texting to avoid talking to me.

 

 **waddles:** oh no *•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** vision why the fuck would you put paprika on the bed

 

 **ISeeYou:** She said we should spice it up in the bedroom.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** SKJSKJSKJSKJKJSKSJKK

 

 **popnlock:** YOU KNOW FULL WELL THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

 

 **ISeeYou:** Yes. I know now that you wanted oregano.

 

 **popnlock:** NO I DIDNT YOU KNOW THAT

 

 **ISeeYou:** Do I?

 

 **MAGIC:** You're morons, all of you

 

 **THUNDER:** SO ARE YOU.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** OOOOOOOOOOOH SICK BURN FROM THE GOD OF THUNDERRRRR

 

 **memequeen:** say that again, and i will end you

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** HOW YOURE LIKE 7,000 MILES AWAY

 

 **memequeen:** I WILL FIND A WAY

 

 **waddles:** guys,, ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

 **waddles:** ｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡ why don't we just be nice for once?

 

 **MAGIC:** Wade, stop with the sparkles

 

 **waddles:** no! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

 

 **MAGIC:**  凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

 

 **memequeen:** i am. dying from laughter

 

 **Simba:** I can confirm.

 

 **memequeen:** help me, brother!

 

 **Simba:** ...

 **Simba:** ...

 **Simba:** ...

 **Simba:** *grabs ur paws and looks into ur desperate eyes*

 **Simba:** L-long live the king. K-kawaii desu!!

 **Simba:** *throws u off the ledge, leaving u to be trampled by the wildebeests. after the large mammals have evacuated, ur limp, lifeless body can be seen by all.*

 

 **memequeen:** what the fuck

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what the fuck

 

 **popnlock:** what the fuck

 

 **MAGIC:** Fucking furry

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** *sweat drips down my moist face* N-NANI?!?!!!!!11!?!1?!

 

 **waddles:** cute!!!!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆

 

 **THUNDER:** WHAT THE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.

 

**(6:23 AM) irondad is online**

 

 **irondad:** GET OFF OF HERE YOU IDIOTS.

 **irondad:** MOST, IF NOT ALL OF YOU HAVE WORK TO DO

 **irondad:** D O  I T

 

**(6:24 AM) irondad kicked CAWCAWMF, ISeeYou, ANTONY:(( , memequeen, Simba, popnlock, THUNDER, MAGIC, and waddles offline**

**(3:40 PM) underoos, irondad, CAWCAWMF, memequeen, ANTONY:(( , and birduncle#2 are online**

 

 **birduncle#2:** he-hewwo??????

 

 **underoos:** no

 

 **birduncle#2:** kawaii ( ◡‿◡ *)

 

 **underoos:** n o.

 

 **birduncle#2:** What are you gonna do?

 **birduncle#2:** owo

 

 **underoos:** ｉｍ ｇｏｎｎａ ｅａｔ ｙｏｕｒ ｆｕｃｋｉｎｇ ｋｎｅｅｃａｐｓ

 

 **birduncle#2:** i

 **birduncle#2:** im terrified what the fuck does that mean????

 **birduncle#2:** please dont,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

 **memequeen:** hes not lying. hes done it before.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** how?????

 

 **memequeen:** hes part spider

 **memequeen:** he sinks his fangs into your knee,

 **memequeen:** he injects his venom, and dissolves your kneecaps.

 **memequeen:** then, he slurppz it up like a real life spider

 **memequeen:** and, boom. your kneecaps have been eaten.

 

 **birduncle#2:** thats

 **birduncle#2:** thats fucking terrifying what the f u c k

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** wait seriously??????????

 

 **underoos:**  Ꭹ Ꮛ Ꮥ

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** can you summon an army of spiders?

 

 **underoos:**  ㄚ 乇 丂

 

 **irondad:** no,

 **irondad:** no he cant

 **irondad:** pete stop telling people you can summon spiders

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** WHAT ABOUT THE KNEECAPS THING??

 

 **irondad:** what?

 **irondad:** oh

 **irondad:** yeah idk if he can

 **irondad:** he might

 

 **underoos:** i can ┬┴┬┴┤( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬┴

 

 **irondad:** ok there you go

 

 **underoos:**  (ц｀ω´ц*)

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** i

 **CAWCAWMF:** i dont believe you

 

 **underoos:** o h ?

 **underoos:** (imageY7hBgfS.png)

 **underoos:** look at my kneecap slushie

 

 **birduncle#2:** IS THAT BLOOD

 

 **underoos:**  Ψ(☆ｗ☆)Ψ

 

 **irondad:** no it isnt

 **irondad:** its ribena

 

 **memequeen:** the fuck is that

 

 **irondad:** its like a british drink thing

 **irondad:** kinda like liquid kool aid but better

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** how did you think that was blood?

 **ANTONY:(( :** ive seen blood

 **ANTONY:(( :** that looks nothing like it

 

 **birduncle#2:**  Scott, you're in an avengers group chat

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yeah dude we've literally all seen blood

 

 **memequeen:** i drink blood

 

 **underoos:** me too

 **underoos:** slurrrp

 

 **irondad:** no you dont stop telling people that!!

 

 **underoos:** :(

 **underoos:** speaking of :(

 **underoos:** mr lang?

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** ye

 

 **underoos:** the colon after your nickname kinda lakes it look a bit like a smile

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** OH NO

 **ANTONY:(( :** THATS WHY I PUT THE SPACE AFTER

 **ANTONY:(( :** I WAS HOPING IT WOULDNT LOOK LIKE THAT

 

 **underoos:** i can give you a new one!

 

 **ANTONY:(( :** YES!

 

**(4:01 PM) underoos changed ANTONY:(( 's name to bugbro**

 

 **underoos:** i know that spiders are actually arachnids but if i dont get to have a break from the nickname "bug boy" then this is, at the very least, allowed.

 

 **memequeen:** what the fuck was with that well composed sentence???

 

 **bugbro:** I LOVE IT

 **bugbro:** TY

 **bugbro:** oh no the cops

 

**(4:03 PM) bugbro went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** how does he keep getting caught

 

 **birduncle#2:** why is he still doing crimes???

 

 **memequeen:** i think its actually an excuse to leave but okay

 

 **underoos:** talking about leaving

 **underoos:** mr wilson.

 **underoos:** im coming

 

 **birduncle#2:** i

 **birduncle#2:** what

 

 **underoos:** prepare your kneecaps

 

 **birduncle#2:** NO

 

**(4:06 PM) underoos went offline**

 

 **birduncle#2:** NO

 

**(4:06 PM) birduncle#2 went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** man that kid is COMMITTED,

 

 **irondad:** he sure is

 **irondad:** stubborn son of a bitch

 

 **memequeen:** hmmm

 **memequeen:** i wonder where he gets it from

 **memequeen:** (￢ ￢)

 

 **irondad:** okay but you dont have all the information

 

 **memequeen:** which is?

 

 **irondad:** i love him

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** how does that in any way relate to this conversation

 

 **irondad:** valid point, but get this:

 **irondad:** i love him

 

 **memequeen:**  (￢ ￢)

 

 **CAWCAWMF:**  (￢ ￢)

 

 **memequeen:** hey get your own goddamn fucking emoticon

 

 **CAWCAWMF:**  (￢ ￢)

 

 **irondad:** morns

 

 **memequeen:** what

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what

 

 **irondad:** i meant to say morons but i failed

 **irondad:** goodbye.

 

**(4:13 PM) irondad kicked memequeen and CAWCAWMF offline**

**(4:14 PM) irondad went offline**

 


	22. i was threatened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> moist bread (the avengers' chat):  
> irondad: Tony  
> ÙwÚ: Bruce  
> Fridge: Bucky  
> birduncle#2: Sam  
> Magnet: Steve  
> spidermomma: Natasha  
> ReindeerGames: Loki  
> THUNDER: Thor  
> underoos: Peter  
> tonysbabysitter: Rhodey  
> CAWCAWMF: Clint  
> popnlock: Wanda  
> ISeeYou: Vision  
> bugbro: Scott  
> Simba: T'Challa  
> memequeen: Shuri  
> MAGIC: Stephen (Dr. Strange)  
> waddles: Wade
> 
>  
> 
> the boss bass benches (the acadec chat):  
> fastandfurious: Flash  
> underoos: Peter  
> pickles: Ned  
> unwantedvegetables: MJ  
> lincoln: Abe  
> Betty: Betty  
> AAUU: Sally  
> SPACE O.O: Cindy  
> Hurricanes: Seymour  
> Harrington: Mr. Harrington

**Saturday, October 27**

 

**[the boss bass benches]**

 

**(6:66 AM) un dero o s  is on li n               e**

 

 **und er o os:** i have a problem

 

**(7:26 AM) unwantedvegetables, SPACE O.O, Hurricanes, Betty, and fastandfurious are online**

 

 **Hurricanes:** Wtaf

 

 **Betty:** Wtaf?

 

 **Hurricanes:**  Yeah

 **Hurricanes:** What the actual fuck

 

**(6:66 AM) un    os  s  on   ne**

 

 **unde r oo s:** please help

 

**(7:28 AM) unwantedvegetables, SPACE O.O, Hurricanes, Betty, and fastandfurious are online**

 

 **SPACE O.O:** what's happening?????

 

 **Betty:** 6:66 isnt even a real time wtf

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** peter get away from that trash immediately

 

**(6:66 AM)  n     s  s  on    e**

 

 **u nder oos:**  no its fine

 **und r oo s:** hes done something weird to my phone though

 

**(7:30 AM) unwantedvegetables, SPACE O.O, Hurricanes, Betty, and fastandfurious are online**

 

 **fastandfurious:** can i ask what the fuck as well because i dont actually understand

 

**(6:66 AM)        s  s   n**

 

 **un d  r o  s:** how do i fix my phone and how did he do this

 

**(7:31 AM) unwantedvegetables, SPACE O.O, Hurricanes, Betty, and fastandfurious are online**

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** pete hes batshit insane why do you hang out with him anyway

 

**(6:66 AM)           s**

 

 **u  d   o  s:** because hes fun

 **d       s:** please help though i dont know what will happen when my name runs out of letters

 

**(7:34 AM) unwantedvegetables, SPACE O.O, Hurricanes, Betty, and fastandfurious are online**

 

 **fastandfurious:** not so smart huh

 **fastandfurious:** cant even unhack his own phone

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** what part of batshit insane did you not get

 

 **SPACE O.O:**  who's he even with???

 

 **Hurricanes:** I, too, am curious

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** someone whos died like 40 times

 

 **Betty:** ?

 

**(6:66 AM)**

 

 **d       :** help he wont tell me what will happen and im scared

 

**(7:36 AM) unwantedvegetables, SPACE O.O, Hurricanes, Betty, and fastandfurious are online**

 

 **Hurricanes:** Is he okay??

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** what kind of dumbass question is that

 

 **Betty:** A good one. Is he?

 

 **fastandfurious:** probably

 **fastandfurious:** his life is pretty uneventful

 

**(7:37 AM) AAUU is online**

 

 **AAUU:** you have,, no clue how wrong you are,,,,,,,,

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** lmao yeah

 

 **SPACE O.O:** ??????? i am so confuzzled

 

**(6:66 AM)**

 

 

 **:**   I M   S PI

 

**(  :    PM)                   wen t    o f  f lin          e**

**(7:40 AM) unwantedvegetables, SPACE O.O, Hurricanes, Betty, AAUU, and fastandfurious are online**

 

 **fastandfurious:** hes what now

 

 **AAUU:** wait wat happened??

 

 **Hurricanes:** lmao he died i think

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** just talked to wade; hes fine

 **unwantedvegetables:** his phone just shut off, is all

 

 **AAUU:** he was with mcfucking dp???

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** yeah

 **unwantedvegetables:** sally why do you find this weird.

 **unwantedvegetables:** he is, and i quote, spi

 

 **AAUU:** wait u know

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** join the mcfukin club, bitch

 

 **fastandfurious:** know what???

 

 **Hurricanes:** whos dp what

 

 **SPACE O.O:** I HAVE CLASS NOW BYE

 

**(7:43 AM) SPACE O.O went offline**

 

 **Hurricanes:** It's a Saturday

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** are you sure about that?

 

 **fastandfurious:** what does that Mean

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** well yall are up pretty early for a weekend so

 **unwantedvegetables:** how can you be so sure?

 

 **AAUU:** because its,,, saturday

 **AAUU:** its that time of the week

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** time is a social construct created specifically to confine me to the laws of this world

 

 **Hurricanes:** Ha ha what

 

**(7:45 AM) unwantedvegetables kicked AAUU, Hurricanes, fastandfurious, and Betty offline**

**(7:45 AM) unwantedvegetables went offline**

* * *

 

 

**[moist bread]**

 

**(1:35 PM) irondad,                  , bugbro, spidermomma, Simba, memequeen, ÙwÚ, ReindeerGames, and waddles are online**

 

 **:** wade please fix this

 

 **waddles:** ｡･ﾟﾟ･　no!　･ﾟﾟ･｡

 

 **irondad:** who and what the fuck

 

 **memequeen:** deadpool what did you do and who is that

 

 **:**  i need help please

 

 **bugbro:** what on earth

 **bugbro:** i thought you weren't allowed to have just spaces in your name

 

 **irondad:** youre not. somethings wrong with whoever that is

 

 **:**  please its me                 help me

 

 **irondad:** i am genuinely confused

 

 **waddles:** im not!! *＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

 

 **:**  wade please

 

 **spidermomma:** ...

 **spidermomma:** Peter?

 

 **:** help

 

 **ReindeerGames:** what is wrong, child?

 

 **:** wade fucked up my phone please help

 

 **waddles:** look it was just an easy plot point for the author

 **waddles:** ★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

 **waddles:** someone told them that she needed to "Update this now or your spinal cord is MINE."

 **waddles:** they got scared ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

 

 **irondad:** jesus christ what even are you

 

 **:** my screen and shit is all distorted and its freaking me out how do i fix this wade

 

 **waddles:** hold on a sec baby boy i got you (ó ꒳ ò✿)

 **waddles:** (✿ ͡◕ ᴗ◕)つ━━✫・*。

 

 **underoos:** how did you do that

 **underoos:** and dont ever call me that again

 

 **waddles:** ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　but why?　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

 

 **underoos:** it sounds weirdly sexual and i dont like it

 

 **memequeen:** mega yikes

 

 **irondad:** wilson, im afraid that for that, youre being kicked

 

**(1:41 PM) irondad kicked waddles offline**

 

 **irondad:** anyone else?

 

 **memequeen:** no

 

 **bugbro:** no

 

 **spidermomma:** No.

 

 **underoos:** yes

 **underoos:** take me on

 

 **irondad:** oh i know

 

**(1:43 PM) irondad kicked ReindeerGames offline**

 

 **underoos:** thats not nice to mr loki :(

 

 **ÙwÚ:** This is mildly entertaining.

 

 **underoos:** what the fuck when did you get here

 **underoos:** HOLD ON DR BANNER!!!!

 **underoos:** ILY

 

 **ÙwÚ:** i feel so loved.

 

 **irondad:** you fucking should

 

 **bugbro:** Did you just curse? Cause we don't talk like that in this goddamn motherfucking household. Shit!

 

 **memequeen:** -Steve Rogers

 

**(1:43 PM) Magnet is online**

 

**Magnet:** My name was said.

 

 **underoos:** that it was, mr rogers

 

 **memequeen:** haha 

 **memequeen:** youre gay

 

 **Magnet:** No comment.

 

 **irondad:** kid now is the perfect opportunity do it

 

 **underoos:** yo mr rogers

 

 **Magnet:**  Yes?

 

 **underoos:** what's BDSM?

 

 **irondad:** well, kid...

 

 **Magnet:** BIBLE DISCUSSION AND STUDY MEETING

 **Magnet:** HALLELUJAH I LOVE THE LORD

 

**(1:46 PM) Magnet went offline**

 

 **underoos:** SKSKSKSKKJSKJSKS

 

 **memequeen:** did you know that the "SKJSKJSKJSKJS" keyboard smash is a sign that your gay

 

 **Simba:** **you're

 

 **underoos:** well...

 **underoos:** i do swing both ways

 **underoos:** ;)

 

 **irondad:** IM FUCKING DONE.

 

**(1:48 PM) CAWCAWMF is online**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** someone pissed of stark and i came to see what happened

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh it was peter and a pun

 

 **underoos:** yes its me peter pun and i can fly

 

 **ÙwÚ:** punsexual

 

 **underoos:** CLASSIC

 

 **spidermomma:** Hmmm.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** i dont trust you...

 

 **underoos:** why dont you trust auntie tasha??? D:

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** never trust a girl names natasha. 

 **CAWCAWMF:** natasha spelled backwards is ah satan

 

 **spidermomma:** Factual.

 

 **underoos:** i grow cannabis

 

 **memequeen:** cool

 

 **bugbro:** hook me up

 

 **irondad:** WHAT

 

**(1:52 PM) underoos deleted one (1) messages from moist bread**

 

 **underoos:** hm?

 

 **irondad:** KID????

 

 **underoos:** what?

 

 **bugbro:** yeah tony what u talking about

 

 **memequeen:** i have no clue whats going on

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** haha bet u can't make a sentence without the letter A

 

 **spidermomma:** You thought you just did something, didn't you? Sorry to bust your bubble but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon.

 

 **CWCWMF:** notosho

 **CWCWMF:** wot the fuck

 

 **underoos:** the human life is a strained and tense one. i envy the life of a smooth rock resting on the beach... warmed by the sun... unaware of the trials and tribulations of sentient life...

 

 **irondad:** do you need to talk?

 

 **underoos:** i wish i was a croissant

 

 **memequeen:** big ass fucking mood

 

 **Simba:** Careful using such profanity where the Captain could hear.

 

 **memequeen:** fuck me in the fucking ass, dickwad

 

 **spidermomma:** That is not appropriate. There are children here.

 

 **memequeen:** i AM a child

 

 **spidermomma:** I am talking to peter.

 

 **underoos:** i

 

 **irondad:** put the fork down and get away from the wall socket right now young man

 

 **underoos:** holy shit howd u know

 

 **irondad:** you have a spidey sense.

 **irondad:** i have a "peters about to do something stupid" sense

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what a dad

 

 **underoos:** yes my name is peter b parker and i love my dad

 

 **memequeen:** iconic

 **memequeen:** what the b stand for tho

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** bagel

 

 **underoos: 🅱️** eter

 

 **memequeen:** sorry birdfucker your answer was wrong

 

 **spidermomma:** Benjamin

 

 **bugbro:** wow revealed

 

 **underoos:** have you been ghosting this whole time

 

 **bugbro:** no im just waiting for my dealer

 

 **underoos:** lit

 

**(2:04 PM) bugbro went offline**

 

 **irondad:** jfc hes not a good influence

 

 **underoos:** nno its not his fault i am the way i am

 **underoos:** its yours

 **underoos:** you and your dumb "teenage rebellion is good" shtick that you read in a parenting guide

 

 **irondad:** YOU HAVE NO PROOF

 

 **Simba:** That statement right there is proof enough, Stark.

 

 **irondad:** fuck off

 

**(2:07 PM) irondad kicked Simba offline**

 

 **memequeen:** haha

 

 **irondad:** okay youre going too

 

**(2:07 PM) irondad kicked memequeen offline**

 

 **underoos:** awwwh

 

**(6:66 PM) underoos went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** wtf???

 

 **waddles:** oh whoops its still doing that huh

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** WHERED YOU COME FROM TF??!

 

 **irondad:** i dont know and i dont really give a shit

 **irondad:** bye bye birdshit

 

**(2:09 PM) irondad kicked CAWCAWMF offline**

 

 **spidermomma:**  Interesting.

 

 **irondad:** bye bye im leaving now

 

 **spidermomma:** Not going to kick me off?

 

 **irondad:** hell no

 

**(2:11 PM) irondad went offline**

 

 **waddles:** hahaha

 

 **spidermomma:** Why are you here?

 

 **waddles:** because the author felt like it lmao

 

 **spidermomma:** Fair enough. I don't understand and I don't think I want to.

 

**(2:13 PM) spidermomma went offline**

**(2:15 PM) waddles went offline**


	23. hot diggity damn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> moist bread (the avengers' chat):  
> irondad: Tony  
> ÙwÚ: Bruce  
> Fridge: Bucky  
> birduncle#2: Sam  
> Magnet: Steve  
> spidermomma: Natasha  
> ReindeerGames: Loki  
> THUNDER: Thor  
> underoos: Peter  
> tonysbabysitter: Rhodey  
> CAWCAWMF: Clint  
> popnlock: Wanda  
> ISeeYou: Vision  
> bugbro: Scott  
> Simba: T'Challa  
> memequeen: Shuri  
> MAGIC: Stephen (Dr. Strange)  
> waddles: Wade  
> mayonnaise: May Parker  
> snp: Pepper
> 
>  
> 
> the boss bass benches (the acadec chat):  
> fastandfurious: Flash  
> underoos: Peter  
> pickles: Ned  
> unwantedvegetables: MJ  
> lincoln: Abe  
> Betty: Betty  
> AAUU: Sally  
> SPACE O.O: Cindy  
> Hurricanes: Seymour  
> Harrington: Mr. Harrington

**Sunday, October 28**

 

**[mois** **t** **bread]**

 

**(2:43 AM) underoos, CAWCAWMF, popnlock, ISeeYou, Magnet, and spidermomma are online**

 

 **underoos:** skedaddle skidoodle

 **underoos:**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** wtf

 

 **Magnet:** Language!

 

 **popnlock:** shut up old man

 

 **spidermomma:** It's a quarter to 3. In. The. Morning.

 **spidermomma:**

 

 **Magnet:** I'm going for a jog

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** woah grandpa u aint supposed to text and jog. you might run into someone

 

 **Magnet:** What's wrong with finding people you know and talking with them?

 **Magnet:** I am just now understanding what you meant.

 

 **popnlock:** u run into someone?

 

 **Magnet:** No comment.

 

 **underoos:** hahahahahhaha

 

 **ISeeYou:** Peter, Tony has told me that he will alert your aunt if you do not get some sleep.

 

 **underoos:** you scrotum cutting ass fucking nipple sucking father fucking sack slurping anal worshipping son of a bitch

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** OH MY GOD

 

 **Magnet:** I can't even comprehend what you just said. My mind has just instantly censored it.

 

 **spidermomma:** Peter, you're horrendously tired. Get some rest

 

 **underoos:**  hahahaahahaahhhahahahahahhaahahahhahahahha laughing my fuckin ass off

 

**(2:56 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yeah he must be if hes being an asshole. that kid is too nice to say such things when in the right mind

 

 **spidermomma:** Shut up, Clint.

 

**(2:58 AM) spidermomma went offline**

 

 **Magnet:** She just gave up on forcing y'all to go to sleep

 

 **popnlock:** did you just

 **popnlock:** did you just say yall unironically

 

 **ISeeYou:** I think he did.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:**  natasha just can't be bothered to deal with me and if that aint a mood right there

 

 **Magnet:** I just fell over

 **Magnet:** I must go now

 **Magnet:** People are taking pictures

 

**(3:01 AM) Magnet went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** i saw an old man slip and fall

 

 **popnlock:** ey what a fucking idiot

 

 **ISeeYou:** I saw a woman at her daughter's funeral

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** HA HA HA, classic comedy

 

**(3:05 AM) irondad is online**

**(3:05 AM) irondad kicked CAWCAWMF, ISeeYou, and popnlock offline**

**(3:05 AM) irondad went offline**

**(8:08 AM) underoos, irondad, CAWCAWMF, spidermomma, Fridge, memequeen, ÙwÚ, bugbro, MAGIC, and birduncle#1 are online**

 

 **underoos:** HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

 

 **irondad:** kid whats up

 

 **underoos:**  I WILL BEGIN TO MANIFEST PHYSICALLY IN YOUR HOUSE AND OMINOUSLY SHAKE ALL OF YOUR LAMPS

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** tf

 

 **spidermomma:** Who let him near the coffee again

 

 **irondad:** hes with his aunt so her probably

 

 **bugbro:** why don't we ask her then?

 

 **irondad:** she wont want to be here but sure

 

 **underoos:** NOOOOO DAD DONT ILL EAT YOUR SHOULDERS IF YOU DO

 

**(8:12 AM) irondad added mayonnaise to moist bread**

 

 **mayonnaise:** What is going on?

 

 **underoos:** HWERE ARE THE FRESH CHILDREN FOR ME TO FEAST ON

 

 **mayonnaise:** Peter, what are you talking about?

 

 **irondad:** we think that maybe you let him ahve coffee

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** yeah hes kinda acting like he did when he went into cardiac arrest

 

 **bugbro:** wait i think i remember that

 

 **mayonnaise:** I don't let him have coffee. For that exact reason. He freaks out, for some reason.

 **mayonnaise:** It couldn't have been me.

 

 **birduncle#1:** Then why is he acting like this

 

 **underoos:** GIVE ME BLOOD ORPHANS

 

 **mayonnaise:** HOLD ON! 

 **mayonnaise:** I may have left the coffee grounds out on the side and forgotten to hide them!

 

 **Fridge:** you Hide the grounds

 

 **mayonnaise:** Yes, as he knows how to make coffee. He must have made it and drank it all.

 

 **underoos:** I AM YOUR LORD AND MASTER FOR ALL ETERNITY. KNEEL BEFORE ME, MORTALS

 

 **memequeen:** bold of you to assume im mortal

 

 **underoos:** I HAVE AS MUCH POWER AS 1% oF SHAGGY'S POWER

 **underoos:** DONT UNDERESTIMATE ME

 **underoos:** I WILL DECAPITATE YOU AND YOUR CLEAR LACK OF CONVIVIALITY

 

 **birduncle#1:** What does conviviality even mean

 

 **underoos:** YOUR BLOOD WILL EFFUSE AND SEEP THROUGH THE FLOORBOARDS

 **underoos:** I HAVE AN APTITUDE THAT EVEN YOU CANT COMPREHEND

 

 **bugbro:** hoy shit

 

 **memequeen:** H O Y  SHIT

 

 **mayonnaise:** He has an unusual tendency to say weirdly unused words when he's like this.

 **mayonnaise:** At least he's not having a heart attack

 

 **underoos:** I WILL EAT YOUR ORGANS AND SELL YOUR SKIN TO THE BLACK MARKET

 **underoos:** YOUR HAIR WILL BE SHIPPED TO CHINA WHERE THEY CAN MOUNT IT ON THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA

 **underoos:** AND YOUR SKELETON WILL BE  M I N E

 

 **spidermomma:** Why did he even drink coffee if he knows it does this to him?

 

 

 **MAGIC:**  Because he's a complete and utter idiot who can't do things for shit

 

 **mayonnaise:**  The fuck did you just say about my boy.

 

 **irondad:** oh god

 

 **MAGIC:** I said he's an idiot? Because he isn't very smart? And does not make smart choices?

 

 **mayonnaise:** Lookie here, Mr. Strange,

 

 **MAGIC:** It's Dr. Strange.

 

 **mayonnaise:** I DO NOT CARE.

 **mayonnaise:** If you talk about my baby like that again I will have no choice but to smack that smirk off your dumb, symmetrical face with the but end of a broom.

 **mayonnaise:** Do I.

 **mayonnaise:** Make myself.

 **mayonnaise:**  

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** woah 

 

 **MAGIC:** Jesus Christ lady, fine.

 

**(8:23 AM) MAGIC went offline**

 

 **underoos:**  (ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง

 

 **ÙwÚ:**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** dr strange after pissing peters aunt off

 

 **birduncle#2:** yeah no one insults the family child and gets away with it

 

 **Fridge:** family... Child...

 

 **birduncle#2:** YES.

 

 **underoos:** I CANT SEE THE COLOR PURPLE BUT I HVAE A N IDEA

 **mayonnaise:** Oh he's past the violent phase

 **mayonnaise:** He's going to crash in about 20 minutes.

 

 **underoos:** HLD ON

 

**(8:27 AM) underoos changed birduncle#2's name it birduncle**

 

 **underoos:** YOU ARE THE TRUE BIRD UNCLE

 **underoos:** OH I CAN SEE PURPLE AGAIN

 

 **birduncle:** I feel so.... warm inside...

 **birduncle:** what is this

 

 **spidermomma:** Clint's rejection, that's what it is

 

 **memequeen:** yeah he got fucking OWNED.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** i feel so sad. caw caw, this is my last hurrah

 

 **mayonnaise:** You're one of the people he talks about the most, dw.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** REALLY

 **CAWCAWMF:** I FEEL SO VALIDATED

 

**(8:33 AM) mayonnaise went offline**

 

 **ÙwÚ:**

 

 **irondad:** brucey you okay

 **ÙwÚ:**  

 

 **irondad:** alright buddy if you say so

 

 **underoos:** god i feel like an elephant stepped on me

 

 **memequeen:** that was fast

 

 **underoos:** i only had one cup

 **underoos:** theres still a whole pot left

 **underoos:** i shoulcl go drink that

 

 **bugbro:** did you just type cl instead of d

 

 **underoos:** i couldnt find the d key

 

 **bugbro:** but you...

 **bugbro:** with drink

 **bugbro:** how

 **bugbro:** i

 **bugbro:** nvm

 

 **memequeen:** scott just completely gave the fuck up

 

 **birduncle:** if that aint me

 

 **underoos:** hnnnnnn wheres miss potts

 

**(8:40 AM) underoos added snp to moist bread**

 

 **underoos:** welcome

 **underoos:** sal and pappe

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** ??

 

 **Fridge:** i Think he had A Stroke

 

 **birduncle:** do You Now

 

 **Fridge:**  🖕

 

 **birduncle:**  🖕

 

 **underoos:** i hv th worst headache

 **underoos:** maysb cofff wikl fiix thos

 

 **irondad:** PETER NO!

 

 **snp:** Go get him, Tony.

 

 **irondad:** ALREADY ON IT BABE

 

**(8:43 AM) irondad went offline**

 

 **snp:** They're both children, I swear to god.

 

 **spidermomma:** One of them actually is.

 

 **snp:** Yes, but they act like 5 year olds

 

 **spidermomma:** It's okay if they're dumb, they look out for each other and you keep them in line.

 

 **snp:** Of course I do.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what is snp

 

 **bugbro:** its salt and pepper dude

 

 **birduncle:** I see now how im superior

 

 **Fridge:** and You get mad at Me For not Choosing a Case and Sticking with it.

 

 **birduncle:** Shut your fuck

 

 **snp:** Oh, look.

 **snp:** My lovely fiance made me a moderator.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oh no

 

 **birduncle:** Oh no

 

 **Fridge:** oh No

 

**(8:49 AM) snp kicked Fridge, birduncle, and CAWCAWMF offline**

 

 **memequeen:** rip

 

 **ÙwÚ:** I honestly wish I cared

 

 **snp:** Now, these are people I can stand to be around.

 

 **memequeen:** thats very nice of you to say. i, too, tolerate your existence.

 

 **underoos:** i tolerate everyones existence but my own

 **underoos:** cause i SUCK

 

 **memequeen:** d

 

 **underoos:** also i best begone bc i just drank that whole pot of coffee and i have approximately 60 seconds before it kicks in

 

**(8:54 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **ÙwÚ:** press f to pay respects

 

 **memequeen:** big f

 

 **spidermomma:** F

 

 **snp:** F.

 

 **memequeen:** my brother is yelling at me what do i do

 

 **ÙwÚ:** Give yourself the biggest f.

 

 **snp:** Go see what he wants

 

 **spidermomma:** Decapitate him.

 **spidermomma:** Inherit the throne.

 **spidermomma:** Conquer the world.

 **spidermomma:** Make apples illegal.

 **spidermomma:** Burn all apple orchards.

 **spidermomma:** Grow your own apples.

 **spidermomma:** Sell the apples on the black market.

 **spidermomma:** Make an incredible profit.

 **spidermomma:** Use the money to get investigators to investigate your secret apple orchard.

 **spidermomma:** Frame Tony Stark.

 **spidermomma:** Arrest Tony Stark.

 **spidermomma:** You have now made the perfect bondage situation for my friend Pepper here.

 

 **memequeen:** complicated but possible

 

 **snp:** Please don't do that

 

 **ÙwÚ:** You not into it?

 

 **snp:** Look if I so desired, I'd just ask him to and he'd probably comply.

 

 **memequeen:** what a sub

 

**(8:58 AM) snp kicked memequeen offline**

 

 **ÙwÚ:** oh no

 

**(8:58 AM) snp kicked ÙwÚ offline**

 

 **snp:** Natasha, see yourself out.

 

 **spidermomma:** yeah fair enough

 

**(9:00 AM) spidermomma went offline**

**(9:00 AM) snp went offline**


	24. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for somewhat implied and mentioned drug use, i guess? they dont actually do anything but still

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> moist bread (the avengers' chat):  
> irondad: Tony  
> ÙwÚ: Bruce  
> Fridge: Bucky  
> birduncle: Sam  
> Magnet: Steve  
> spidermomma: Natasha  
> ReindeerGames: Loki  
> THUNDER: Thor  
> underoos: Peter  
> tonysbabysitter: Rhodey  
> CAWCAWMF: Clint  
> popnlock: Wanda  
> ISeeYou: Vision  
> bugbro: Scott  
> Simba: T'Challa  
> memequeen: Shuri  
> MAGIC: Stephen (Dr. Strange)  
> waddles: Wade  
> mayonnaise: May Parker  
> snp: Pepper
> 
>  
> 
> the boss bass benches (the acadec chat):  
> fastandfurious: Flash  
> underoos: Peter  
> pickles: Ned  
> unwantedvegetables: MJ  
> lincoln: Abe  
> Betty: Betty  
> AAUU: Sally  
> SPACE O.O: Cindy  
> Hurricanes: Seymour  
> Harrington: Mr. Harrington

**Monday, October 29**

 

** [the boss bass benches]  
**

 

** (8:17 AM) underoos, AAUU, unwantedvegetables, pickles, SPACE O.O, Hurricanes, and fastandfurious are online **

 

 **underoos:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **AAUU:** peter, what the fuck

 

 **underoos:**  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** hes having a moment, leave him be

 

 **pickles:** Peter are you listening to one of those songs that keep speeding up again

 

 **underoos:**  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM SPINNING HELP

 

 **fastandfurious:** what class is he even in where he's allowed to do that??

 

 **pickles:** he has a free rn

 

 **underoos:** PLEASE HELP ME 

 

 **AAUU:** no you csn do it urself

 

 **underoos:** NO I CANT ITS LIKE A VORTEX AND ITS SWALLOWING ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **pickles:** Bro what percent is it at

 

 **underoos:** 15721%

 **underoos:** 15893%

 **underoos:** 16128%

 

 **fastandfurious:** okay we get it.

 

 **underoos:** 16542% HELPL

 

 **unwnatedvegetables:**  hit reload

 

 **underoos:** AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa o

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** see? much better. now click off while you can

 

 **underoos:**  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NO IT DIDNT HWLP IT JUST RSUMED FROM WHEN IT WAS

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** okay look at it and type the letter m

 

 **underoos:** im

 **underoos:** im free

 

 **pickles:** You absolute dumbass

 

 **fastandfurious:** i'd expect no less from penis

 

**(8:26 AM) unwantedvegetables kicked fastandfurious offline**

 

 **SPACE O.O:** fucking wrecked

 

 **AAUU:** OH MY,,,

 **AAUU:** CINDY DID YOU JUST,,,,,,,,,,

 **AAUU:** S W E A R

 

 **underoos:** yeah cindy thats a fucking bad word

 

 **AAUU:** :/

 **AAUU:** i mean cindy like

 **AAUU:** never swears

 

**(8:29 AM) fastandfurious is online**

 

 **fastandfurious:** ew stop double texting

 

**(8:30 AM) unwantedvegetables kicked fastandfurious offline**

 

 **Hurricanes:** W A S T E D

 

 **pickles:** How long have you been here

 

 **Hurricanes:** Long enough to know whats up ;)

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** please dont send a winky face after a sentence like that seymour

 

 **Hurricanes:** sure thing cap

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** yo i just had an idea

 

 **underoos:** would you bless us with the knowledge of that idea

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** of course, plebian

 **unwantedvegetables:** lets add liz to the chat

 **unwantedvegetables:** im not asking yalls permission its happening.

 

**(8:34 AM) unwantedvegetables added beautifulreptillian to the boss bass benches**

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** hey liz, youre in oregon but youre still part of the acadec squad so welcome back

 

 **beautifulreptillian:** :0

 **beautifulreptillian:** glad to be back Mj!  <3

 

 **underoos:** hey, liz,,,

 **underoos:** im still really sorry

 

 **AAUU:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH FUCK THATS WHY YOU DITCHED HER

 **AAUU:**  HOLY SHIT PETER I CANT BELIEVE YOU GOT HER FUCKING DAD ARRESTED OH MY GOD

 

 **beautifulreptillian:** what????

 

**(8:36 AM) unwantedvegetables deleted one (1) messages from the boss bass benches**

 

 **pickles:** Sally,,

 **pickles:** Think before you say, dude

 

 **beautifulreptillian:** no no no lets go back to what she just said you cant just!!

 **beautifulreptillian:** what the fresh heck did that mean??????

 

 **underoos:** absolutely nothing liz im sorry

 

 **unwantedvegetables:**  she knows youre sorry, peter

 

 **underoos:** i had to im sorry

 

 **Hurricanes:** What's happening I wasn't paying attention,,

 

 **SPACE O.O:** neither was i whats going on

 

 **AAUU:** nothing!! nothing happened what are you talking about

 

 **beautifulreptillian:** what is going on and what the fuck did sally mean when she said that peter got my dad arrested??

 

 **AAUU:** nothing!!! i didnt say that

 

 **underoos:** yeah how would i be able to do that

 **underoos:** sorry

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** quit apologizing, parker, i can feel your dumbass pout from here

 

 **underoos:** sorry

 **underoos:** shit uh sorry

 **underoos:** fcuk

 

 **beautifulreptillian:** Peter its okay, you couldn't have known what was going to happen

 **beautifulreptillian:** or

 **beautifulreptillian:** OH MY FUCK YOURE SPIDERMAN

 

 **underoos:**  WHAT NO IM NOT

 

**(8:41 AM) underoos deleted two (2) messages from the boss bass benches**

 

 **beautifulreptillian:** OH MY GOD THATS WHY YOURE SO APOLOGETIC PETER OH MY GOD

 

 **Hurricanes:** WHAT WAS TYPED IT GOT DELEETD BEFOR EI COULD SEE

 

 **SPACE O.O:** PETERS W H A T ????????!!!!!!

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** hmmm i think its time people got to class bye bye

 

**(8:42 AM) unwantedvegetables kicked Hurricanes, SPACE O.O, beautifulreptillian, underoos, pickles, and AAUU offline**

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** jfc

 

**(8:43 AM) unwantedvegetables went offline**

* * *

 

 

**[moist bread]**

 

**(8:42 AM) underoos, bugbro, CAWCAWMF, irondad, snp, and Magnet are online**

 

 **underoos:** CODE RED CODE RED IVE BEEN FUCKING FOUND OUT

 

 **bugbro:** lol what

 **bugbro:** did they catch u doing weed again

 

 **underoos:** NO ITS WORSE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

 

 **irondad:** kid, calm down, whats going on

 

 **snp:** Peter got caught doing weed?

 

 **underoos:** [chatscreenshot6969ks.png]

 **underoos:** [chatscreenshot3576df.png]

 **underoos:** [chatscreenshot0985kl.png]

 

 **irondad:** i guess she didnt outright say it so we cant sue her

 

 **underoos:** THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

 **underoos:** T H E Y  K N O W

 

 **irondad:** from the looks of it, only 2 more people know

 

 **Magnet:** oh my

 

 **underoos:** WHT IF THEY TELL PEOPLE

 

 **bugbro:** you perish

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** ^^

 

 **snp:** If it gets out, it won't look good and the following PR storm will be a nightmare.

 

 **underoos:** EXACTLY HELP

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** i say we make him suffer the consequences of his actions

 

 **irondad:** no u idiot pepper just say why we SHOULDNT do that

 

 **bugbro:** pete you seem stressed wanna come sister smoke weed with me

 

 **underoos:** yes

 

 **bugbro:** lit come over

 

 **irondad:** yall better be joking

 

 **bugbro:** we are ;)

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** i don't trust the winky face.

 

 **Magnet:** Please don't do drugs, Peter.

 **Magnet:** Scott you too

 

 **snp:** It's advised you don't do anything illegal. Because, you know, it's illegal.

 

 **underoos:** 420 blaze it

 **underoos:** im about to hit that whip like never before

 

 **irondad:** kid that song was released in fucking 2015 wyd

 

 **underoos:** im gonna nae nae my way to victory, mr stark

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** your bread is stale.

 

 **bugbro:** stale bread goes good in soup tho

 

 **underoos:** get out of my room im playing MINECRAFT.

 

 **bugbro:** mom said its my turn on the xbox

 

 **underoos:**   _(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง_

 

 **irondad:** your worry seems to have vanished

 

 **underoos:** don worry

 

 **bugbro:** B E  H A P P Y

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** I'm somewhat concerned

 

 **underoos:** scott dudde i think ur ex wife is coming

 

 **bugbro:** what

 

 **irondad:** jesus f christ youve barely been together for 5 minutes how can you already be this high

 

 **underoos:** im not high

 

 **bugbro:** yeah tony I'm a responsible adult I'd never let that happen.

 **bugbro:** we're doing 100% legal substances

 

 **irondad:** youre literally the worst

 

 **Magnet:** You're high?!

 

 **snp:** Oh my god.

 

 **underoos:** yo no calm down mr rodgers my man im not high

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** DID YOU JUST SPELL HIS NAME WITH A D

 

**(9:03 AM) Fridge is online**

 

 **Fridge:** yes i Put the D There

 

 **Magnet:** BUCKY

 

 **Fridge:** ;)))))

 

**(9:04 AM) Fridge and Magnet went offline**

 

 **underoos:** wh

 **underoos:** OOOOOOOOOOH

 

 **irondad:** kid where tf are you

 **irondad:** ur watch says ur at home but i know thats not true

 

 **underoos:** MR STARK YOU PUT A TRACKER IN MY WATCH

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** overprotective dad much?

 

 **irondad:** STFU CLINT

 **irondad:** AND OF COURSE I DID YOUR GET INTO ALL SORTS OF TROUBLE ALL THE TIMW

 

 **underoos:** I AM AT HOME

 

 **bugbro:** YEAH TONY I WAS SERIOUS ID NEVER GIVE A CHILD ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES

 

 **underoos:** it was a joke

 **underoos:** to mess with you 

 

 **irondad:** WHT

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** this is interesting

 

 **snp:** :/ 

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** wait then wtf did u mean u were "doing 100% legal substances"

 **CAWCAWMF:** did u....

 **CAWCAWMF:** LIE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?111??!!11?1??!!

 

 **bugbro:** actually no

 

 **underoos:** we were actually doing legal substances

 

 **bugbro:** called water

 

 **underoos:** B)

 

 **bugbro:** B)

 

 **irondad:** scott i hate to say this but i think you may be more of a child than clint

 **irondad:** and no, feathershit, that's not a compliment. youre more childish than peter and hes an actual child

 

 **underoos:** im!!! not a kid!!!!

 

 **irondad:** ur 15

 

 **underoos:** 16 soon

 

 **irondad:** your birthday was two months ago wtf do you mean soon

 

 **bugbro:** "soon" is relative

 **bugbro:** in comparison to his birthday 100 years from now his 16th birthday is very soon

 

 **irondad:** i see now why the avengers split up. that was a good idea who ruined that

 

 **underoos:** you did, sir

 

 **irondad:** fuck

 

 **snp:** Did you just swear?! Because we don't talk like that in this goddamn motherfucking house! Shit!

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** -Steve Rogers

 **CAWCAWMF:** wait hold on didn't we already to this

 

 **waddles:** the author is running out of ideas.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** W T F WHERE TF DID YOU COME FROM

 

 **underoos:** oh hello wade

 

 **waddles:** hellooo!! ⸜( ˙ ˘ ˙)

 **waddles:** bye bye :･ﾟ☆✧

 

**(9:17 AM) waddles went offline**

 

 **underoos:** bye bye

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** im so confused and intimidated by that guy

 

 **irondad:** i hate him hes a horrible influence on peter. hes even worse than you and thats saying something

 **irondad:**  again not a compliment you are as bad an influence on peter as actual birdshit 

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** i still find it endearing.

 

 **underoos:** dont be mean to mr barton!!!!

 

 **irondad:** i can be as mean to him as i want kid

 

 **snp:** No you can't it's bad for PR and it's complete shit having to clean up after you

 

 **irondad:** sorry honey

 

 **snp:** It's okay ik you're a mess.  <3

 

 **irondad:** 1\. i take offense to that and 2. what would i do without you

 

 **snp:** probably died from either exhaustion, alcohol poisoning, or riots

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** fucking burn

 

 **irondad:** stfu you cockhead ass of the poultry family

 

**(9:23 AM) irondad kicked CAWCAWMF offline**

 

 **snp:** Good idea.

 

 **underoos:** hhhhhhh

 

 **irondad:** dont you have class peter

 

 **underoos:** no i have a free

 **underoos:** WIAT THE BELL RANG

 **underoos:** SHIT IM LATE FOR GLOVAL

 

**(9:25 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **snp:** So, it's just you and me now, Tony.

 

 **bugbro:** think again lmao

 

**(9:26 AM) snp kicked bugbro offline**

 

 **snp:** So, it's just you and me now, Tony.

 

 **irondad:** why is that message identical to the previous one

 

 **snp:**  ;/

 

**(9:28 AM) snp kicked irondad offline**

**(9:28 AM) snp went offline**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo, about weed:
> 
> be careful. it's not really that bad, but unless you live in canada or in a state where the federal law on marijuana isn't enforced (or any other country where it's legalised) you'd best tread carefully. and, whatever you do, don't fuckinh do it in school, you idiots. i had a friend who got suspended for that and it's just,,,,
> 
> she's lucky she _only_ got a suspension. an in-school one, at that. another person i know had to go to a court hearing bc they were caught. so just... be careful, okay? i know we joke about these things, and pot really isn't that bad, but you can still get into serious trouble for it because it is in fact illegal. 
> 
> and, for god's sake, _don't do it on school property._
> 
> stay safe out there.


	25. ITS ALMOST HERE BITCHES!!!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> again, very slight tw for the implied use of drugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> moist bread (the avengers' chat):  
> irondad: Tony  
> ÙwÚ: Bruce  
> Fridge: Bucky  
> birduncle: Sam  
> Magnet: Steve  
> spidermomma: Natasha  
> ReindeerGames: Loki  
> THUNDER: Thor  
> underoos: Peter  
> tonysbabysitter: Rhodey  
> CAWCAWMF: Clint  
> popnlock: Wanda  
> ISeeYou: Vision  
> bugbro: Scott  
> Simba: T'Challa  
> memequeen: Shuri  
> MAGIC: Stephen (Dr. Strange)  
> waddles: Wade  
> mayonnaise: May Parker  
> snp: Pepper
> 
>  
> 
> the boss bass benches (the acadec chat):  
> fastandfurious: Flash  
> underoos: Peter  
> pickles: Ned  
> unwantedvegetables: MJ  
> lincoln: Abe  
> Betty: Betty  
> AAUU: Sally  
> SPACE O.O: Cindy  
> Hurricanes: Seymour  
> Harrington: Mr. Harrington  
> beautifulreptillian: Liz

**Tuesday, October 30**

**[moist bread]**

 

**(6:09 AM) underoos, CAWCAWMF, spidermomma, birduncle, ReindeerGames, and THUNDER are online**

 

 **underoos:** GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS

 **underoos:** GUESS THE FUCK WHAT

 

 **THUNDER:** WHAT?

 

 **underoos:** ITS HALLOWEEN EVE

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** FUCK YEAH BITCHESSSSSS

 

 **spidermomma:** Yes. Perfect

 **spidermomma:** The only day it is socially acceptable for me to go out and scare the living daylights out of children.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** also the only day its socially acceptable to wear a fursuit in public

 

 **birduncle:** It's never fucking socially acceptable to wear a fursuit.

 

 **underoos:** wow going down hard on those poor furries

 **underoos:** whatd they ever do to you?

 

 **birduncle:** I see one and all I can think is "what does it think it's doing?"

 

 **ReindeerGames:** "it"

 

 **birduncle:** If furries don't want to be humans, they shouldn't be referred to as such

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** wow wtf Sam what do u have against furries

 

 **birduncle:** I stumbled across a... video... once...........

 

 **underoos:** OH MY GOD

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** what?

 **CAWCAWMF:** what does that mean?

 

 **underoos:** HOLY FUVK THE FALCON WATCHED FURRY PORN I HAVE TO TWEET ABOUT THIS

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** wait wHAT

 

 **THUNDER:** WHAT IS PORN?

 

 **ReindeerGames:** You know full well what porn is you oaf stop making them uncomfortable.

 

 **THUNDER:** WHATS A FURRY

 

 **birduncle:** the scum of the earth, that's what

 

 **THUNDER:** I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** KJSDKHJAHKAJKSK

 

 **spidermomma:** Wow.

 

 **underoos:** man the falcon just had his fuckin ass handed to him

 **underoos:** thor is my fave avenger

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** awww

 

 **spidermomma:** Clint, it was pretty fucking obvious.

 

 **birduncle:** yeah remember when we met him? he wouldn't stop talking about how cool Thor was and Thor just sat there looking all smug n shit

 

 **THUNDER:** I DO LOVE THE SMALL CHILD.

 

 **underoos:**  AAAAA I LOVE YOU TOO THOR <3

 

 **ReindeerGames:** I feel underappreciated

 

 **underoos:** youre not an avenger

 **underoos:** youre my fave not avenger

 

 **waddles:** awh, what?

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** wtf where do you keep coming from

 

 **spidermomma:** There's a setting where you can turn off read receipts/ the "____ is online"/ "____ went offline".

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** W H A T

 

 **underoos:** lmao i wouldnt be surprised if thats not what wade did

 

 **waddles:** i didn't know that was an option

 

 **underoos:** lmao see

 

 **MAGIC:** Ha yeah I didn't do that either

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** get off my good christian roblox server you mutt

 

 **underoos:** whats wrong with mutts?????

 **underoos:** anyway who wants to get high with me later

 

 **spidermomma:** Peter stop implying that you're doing drugs

 

 **waddles:** i would happily join!!!!

 

 **underoos:** oh jo i gotta go wsikn,jbhds

 

**(6:27 AM) underoos went offline**

 

 **waddles:** :(((((((

 

**(6:27 AM) waddles went offline**

 

 **MAGIC:** You're all fucking idiots

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** you say that like, every time,,,

 

 **MAGIC:**  Bc it's fucking true

 

 **spidermomma:** Get off.

 

 **MAGIC:** No

 

 **birduncle:** hot damn

 

 **ReindeerGames:** lmao

 

 **THUNDER:** WHAT IS HAPPENING

 **THUNDER:** LOVE U BROTHER  <3

 

 **ReindeerGames:** wtf i hate you go away

 

 **THUNDER:** YOU'RE SO AFFECTIONATE. THAT'S THE NICEST THING YOU'VE SAID TO ME TODAY.

 

 **spidermomma:**  Get off. I'm not letting you run around and unironically insult my friends.

 

 **MAGIC:** Make me

 

 **birduncle:**  Hahaha oh shit

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** shush i wanna see where this goes

 

 **ReindeerGames:** You all suck

 

 **MAGIC:** How come Loki can insult everyone and I can't?

 

 **THUNDER:** THAT'S JUST LOKI'S WAY OF SHOWING LOVE ^v^

 

 **ReindeerGames:** stfu

 

 **THUNDER:** <3

 

**(6:39 AM) ReindeerGames went offline**

**(6:40 AM) THUNDER went offline**

 

 **MAGIC:** Ugh. Why am I even in this group chat.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** because youre an arrogant bitch who needs to be knocked down a peg

 **CAWCAWMF:** also bc peter added you and hed get sad if we removed you

 

 **MAGIC:** I added myself back

 

 **birduncle:**  Literally no one cares

 **birduncle:**  ..

 **birduncle:** Okay. Look, Stephen. I understand that the people on here can be a bit annoying, but that doesn't give you the right to be an asshole about it. If you truly hate everyone here, get off the group chat. Literally no one is making you stay, not even Peter. Just leave. It's as simple as that. I don't think you actually hate being here but if you do, no one is stopping you from leaving. The door is over there, so get your act together or let yourself out. So far the only person you've treated like an actual human being is Peter and even then you were horrible to him.

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** wow bro you took a while to type that

 

 **spidermomma:** I had to actively restrain myself from taking all of my knives, finding him, and stabbing him while you typed that out

 

 **MAGIC:** I'm exhausted. Good fucking night

 

**(6:48 AM) MAGIC went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** okay so who got his tits in a twist

 

 **birduncle:**  Probably dealing with whatever wizard shit he does on a day to day basis, lmao

 

 **spidermomma:**  🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** nat no put those away

 

 **spidermomma:**  🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

 

 **birduncle:**  Wtf

 

 **spidermomma:** Bye

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** bye

 

**(6:53 AM) spidermomma went offline**

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** everyone's gone

 **CAWCAWMF:** :(

 

 **birduncle:** I'm right here

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** sometimes i can still hear them...

 **CAWCAWMF:** i guess it doesn't matter. i have to go get my kid up or hes gonna b late for school again like the fuckin moron he is

 

**(6:54 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

 

 **birduncle:** Oh that's why he's not in the tower

 **birduncle:**  I forget he has a fucking wife and kids sometimes

 

**(6:55 AM) birduncle went offline**

* * *

 

**[the boss bass benches]**

 

**(6:19 AM) unwantedvegetables, Betty, fastandfurious, Hurricanes, and SPACE O.O are online**

 

 **SPACE O.O:** Guys tomorrows halloween!!!!!

 

 **fastandfurious:** lmao u still get excited by halloween

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** wtf is wrong with you flash halloween is the literal best. i get to make my eyeballs look like theyre bleeding and scare the shit out of small kids

 

 **Hurricanes:** Once I dressed up as a stereotypical ghost and a little child started crying. I won the scariest costume contest that night bc of that sjkdslkjskh

 

 **Betty:** Why can I clearly imagine that happening

 

 **SPACE O.O:** What are you guys going as??

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** a demon

 **unwantedvegetables:** not for candy, im just going to go around and tell children im gonna eat their hair and tell the adults all of the horrific things that are happening in the world currently. give them stats n stuff on death and shit in the real world. scare them with reality

 

 **Betty:** I'm going as a tick

 **Betty:** Then I will tell them I have lyme disease

 

 **fastandfurious:** im going to a college party.

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** yeah okay shut up killjoy

 

 **SPACE O.O:** Wait cant Peter just go as himself????

 

**(6:27 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** nO cindy i CANT. shut upp

 

 **Hurricanes:** I'm still confused about that btw. Y'all deleted everything before I could see

 

 **Betty:** What

 

 **SPACE O.O:** I'm don't think I'm allowed to tell you,,

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** yeah ur not so shut up

 

 **underoos:** :///////////////

 

 **fastandfurious:** what are you guys even talking about

 

 **underoos:** literally nothing

 

 **SPACE O.O:** HOW DIDNT I FUCKING SEE THIS BEFORE.

 

 **underoos:** HWTA

 

**(6:36 AM) pickles is online**

 

 **pickles:** Fucking hell, Peter

 

 **Hurricanes:** WHat?? What happened???

 

 **SPACE O.O:** NED JUST TACKLED PETER 

 

 **Betty:** Why

 

 **pickles:** Because

 

 **underoos:** i beg of you,,,,,, dont sayy it cindy

 

 **SPACE O.O:** >:T

 **SPACE O.O:** Peter started casually walking up the wall

 

**(6:41 AM) underoos deleted one (1) messages from the boss bass benches**

 

 **Hurricanes:** Okay can y'all stop doing that I can never see what it says before it's gone

 

 **Betty:** No, that was just very speedy deleting on Peter's part.

 

 **fastandfurious:** what

 **fastandfurious:** okay yall are being weird. if u arent gonna say what parker did im just gonna leave.

 

**(6:45 AM) fastandfurious went offline**

 

 **underoos:**  ughh please stop revealing me like thhis

 **underoos:** this is not how i wanted people to find out

 

 **pickles:** how did you want them t

 

 **underoos:** i didnt

 

**(6:46 AM) AAUU is online**

 

 **AAUU:** oh they all know ur spiderman now too???

 

 **Hurricanes:** HWTA

 

 **Betty:** Excuse me?

 

**(6:47 AM) lincoln is online**

**(6:47 AM) underoos deleted one (1) messages from the boss bass benches**

 

 **lincoln:** I saw spider-man was mentioned whats going on

 

 **Hurricanes:** ITS PETER??????????

 

 **lincoln:** what

 

**(6:48 AM) underoos deleted one (1) messages from the boss bass benches**

 

 **underoos:**  NO IM NOT

 **underoos:** WTF WHY ARE YALL SO QUICK TO BELIEVE THIS

 

 **lincoln:** what is Peter

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** an idiot

 

 **pickles:** a moron

 

 **underoos:**  you both sent that at the same time and i feel so attacked

 

 **lincoln:** but,, what >

 

 **AAUU:** i need to just delete my fucking life at this point

 **AAUU:** im sorry peter

 

 **underoos:** ITS FINE BC ITS NOT TRUE ANYWAY

 

 **SPACE O.O:**  I highly doubt that

 

 **Hurricanes:** I'm still so shook wtf

 

 **underoos:** you shouldnt be its not true

 

 **SPACE O.O:** You're denying this too vehemently for that to be right

 

 **AAUU:** ;\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ sorry

 

 **Hurricanes:** so.. shook

 

 **lincoln:** can someone please explain whats going on

 

 **Hurricanes:** Peter's spider-man

 

 **underoos:** NO IM NOT

 

 **lincoln:**...

 **lincoln:** yeah I guess that makes sense

 

 **SPACE O.O:** You don't seem very surprised at this information

 

 **lincoln:** I think I saw him jump over that big ass fence behind the school in broad daylight once lmao

 **lincoln:** I just assumed I was hallucinating because I'd accidently consumed a miniscule amount of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

 

 **AAUU:** THATS HOW I FOUND OUT

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** lmao i figured it out waaaaay back when

 **unwantedvegetables:** dc just confirmed my suspicions

 

 **underoos:** i hve literally no clue what you guys are talking about

 

 **Betty:** Abe, why didn't you just say lsd

 

 **lincoln:** because a.) thats not what i meant and b.) _theres a teacher on this chat_

 

 **SPACE O.O:** woah how u italicize

 

 **lincoln:** you pay apple 1000000000000000 dollars

 

 **underoos:** im,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

 **pickles:** You're what?

 

 **underoos:** im bi

 **underoos:** thats the big secret

 **underoos:** not whatever spiderman shit yall are on about

 

 **Betty:** We've literally known that for, like, ever

 

 **underoos:** what

 

 **Betty:** Remember way back when?

 **Betty:**  We were all debating what avenger was the hottest and you refused to let anyone say anything other than Thor

 **Betty:** Then went on to say "if I was gay, or bi, or whatever, which I'm definitely not, I'd totally fuck Thor"

 **Betty:** And we also knew about ur huge ass crush on Liz, so u def liked girls, and the way you added "or bi, or whatever" into that statement shouted it pretty loud and clear

 **Betty:** I think the only person who didn't really notice was Flash and that's why we're always on his ass when he asks you if you're gay super degeneratively

 

 **underoos:** o

 **underoos:** well yeah thats what i thought was the big secret

 **underoos:** nothing else.

 

 **AAUU:** reallY, now?

 

 **underoos:** uh, yeha! i also tried cocaine once!! umm,,

 **underoos:** i have a lot of bigg secrets!

 

 **pickles:** These are some pretty bad excuses Peter

 

 **underoos:** what do you mean

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** why the fuck do you keep digging the hole deeper you moron

 

 **Hurricanes:**  Wait hold up Peter's bi

 

 **Betty:** Jesus fuck trust you to be dense

 

 **Hurricanes:** lmao im gay

 

 **underoos:** oh thats cool man

 **underoos:** umm but nothing else i said was true

 

 **SPACE O.O:** Even the part where u said you werent spiderman?

 

 **underoos:** no that was true!!!!!!!!

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** stop digging! you idiot!!

 

 **lincoln:** I'm just sitting here in chem watching this all pan out and tbh this is way more interesting than what the teacher is teaching

 

 **AAUU:**  if that aint a mood,,

 

 **Hurricanes:**  Yooooooo guys!!!!

 **Hurricanes:** Guess what?

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** what is it, seymour.

 

 **Hurricanes:** Well, we all kno that Flash totally doesn't look at old texts, so he won't see any of these,,

 

 **pickles:** Yeeeeeees...?

 

 **Hurricanes:** That means we can fuck with him because he's the only one here besides Mr. Harrington who doesn't know about Peter being spiderman

 

 **underoos:** no im not!

 **underoos:** also why does everyone always forget the hyphen

 

 **pickles:** Peter you suck ass at this

 

 **underoos:** what

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** i must agree with nerd #2, you do suck ass at this

 

 **lincoln:** hey its dan the meme man

 

 **underoos:** remember to eat ass, smoke grass, and sled fast

 

 **Hurricanes:** I thought it was skate fast

 

 **underoos:** not when its dan the meme man

 

 **AAUU:** back to what seymour said i totally think we should fuck with flash. also imagine if/when he finds out

 **AAUU:** peter could have fucking launched flash's ass across the room this entire time and didn't

 

 **underoos:** what no i couldn't

 

 **pickles:** Peter, it's too late

 

 **underoos:** nooooooo

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** hold up is there anyone who knows because you told them and not cause they found out on accident

 

 **underoos:** yes

 **underoos:** the avengers.

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** really now

 

 **underoos:** most of the avengers

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** .

 

 **underoos:** like half of them

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** peter.

 

 **underoos:** ... dr banner, thor, bucky, steve, scott, and sam....

 **underoos:** wanda can read minds so she def knew and lokis the god of mischief soo

 **underoos:** im not entirely sure

 

 **pickles:**  dude is scott an avenger??

 

 **AAUU:** the winter soldier isnt either i dont think

 **AAUU:** like not officially

 

 **Hurricanes:** Pretending Scott, Loki, and Bucky are Avengers, there's 14 I think in total, excluding you

 **Hurricanes:**  That's 5/14.

 **Hurricanes:** That's not half, Peter

 

 **underoos:** its nearly half!!!

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** its really not

 

 **underoos:** stop bullying me

 

 **SPACE O.O:** wait so how did mj and ned find out if u didn't tell them??

 

 **pickles:** I went over to his apartment and he wasn't there so his aunt told me to wait in his room

 **pickles:**  I wait a while and then the window opens and spider-man crawls in

 **pickles:** And I'm like "holy shit?!?!?!?!"

 **pickles:** Then he takes off his mask and all I can do is sit there dumbfounded because

 **pickles:** ???????? how

 **pickles:** Then he turns around and sees me and I say "you're the spider-man??? from youtube?!?!"

 **pickles:** And he goes "ʷʰᵃᵗˀˀˀˀˀ ⁿᵒ ᴵ'ᵐ ⁿᵒᵗᵎᵎ" 

 **pickles:** and I'm like "you were on the ceiling!!!?"

 **pickles:** and then he has the fucking AUDACITY to say "no I wasn't!" as if I hadn't just watched him crawl across the ceiling in the spider suit

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** fuckin wild i found out because he sucks at keeping secrets

 

 **underoos:** i cant believe im being exposed like this

 

 **AAUU:** we stan one (1) idiot ass kid

 

 **Hurricanes:**  wow

 

 **underoos:** okay yall are literally the same age as me dont call me kid

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** okay then stop using yall when youre not southern

 

 **underoos:** :(

 

 **SPACE O.O:** Hey guys,, how do fizzy drinks work??

 

 **AAUU:** cindy this is the decathlon chat

 **AAUU:** youre on the decathlon

 **AAUU:** why dont you know this

 

 **SPACE O.O:** Don't ask me 

 

 **Hurricanes:** ?? That doesn't make sense

 

 **lincoln:** guys my chem teacher is looking at me

 **lincoln:** oh no

 **lincoln:** she's coming over here

 **lincoln:** what do I do

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** get off your phone you idiot

 

 **AAUU:** ^^

 

 **SPACE O.O:** ^^

 

 **underoos:** rip

 

**(7:21 AM) lincoln went offline**

 

 **Hurricanes:** He's dead

 

 **underoos:** rip in peace

 

 **SPACE O.O:** Peter you just said "rest in peace in peace"

 

 **pickles:** r/woosh

 

 **AAUU:** press f to pay respects

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** f

 

 **Betty:** f

 

 **pickles:** where the f did you come from????

 

 **Betty:** I've been here the whole time

 **Betty:** I've just been doing classwork

 **Betty:** Like you should be

 **Betty:** *cough cough*

 

**(7:26 AM) lincoln is online**

 

 **lincoln:** guys thank god for cindy's idiocy

 

 **AAUU:** wh

 

 **lincoln:** she came up to me and read my texts and said she'd let me have my phone if I explained how carbonated drinks work to the whole class

 **lincoln:** and then sent it to cindy

 **lincoln:** so I shall uh, explain it now

 **lincoln:** she's looking over my shoulder

 

 **underoos:** mega oof

 

 **lincoln:** so, cindy

 **lincoln:** A R T  T H O U  R E A D Y ?

 

 **SPACE O.O:** Absolutely not thanks for asking

 

 **lincoln:** so basically, carbon dioxide is dissolved in water under pressure

 **lincoln:** it can also happen bc of natural geologic processes

 **lincoln:** and that's really it

 

 **SPACE O.O:** ReallY? I thought it would be more complicated O >O

 

 **AAUU:** h a

 

 **lincoln:** she's finally off my back

 

 **underoos:** haha lucky

 **underoos:** im in the principals office

 

 **pickles:** Did he catch u trying to skip again

 

 **underoos:** actually no

 **underoos:** he saw that huge ass bruise from this morning and was worried about me

 **underoos:**  hes such a softie uwu

 **underoos:** either way hes making sure im okay which i am

 **underoos:** itll be gone in like, a few hours or so

 

 **Hurricanes:** I still can't believe this is the norm for you

 

 **underoos:** my life has literally never been normal

 

 **Betty:** You have never been normal.

 

 **underoos:** yes

 

 **Betty:** yes.

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** yes

 

 **SPACE O.O:**  Yes?

 

 **Hurricanes:**  Yes??

 

 **lincoln:** no

 

 **underoos:** wtf is  this

 

 **unwantedvegetables:** no more

 **unwantedvegetables:** goodbye

 

 **pickles:** That's weirdly cryptic

 

**(7:32 AM) unwantedvegetables kicked underoos, Betty, AAUU, SPACE O.O, Hurricanes, pickles, and lincoln offline**

**(7:33 AM) unwantedvegetables went offline**

* * *

**[moist bread]**

 

**(7:38 AM) underoos, irondad, CAWCAWMF, ISeeYou, memequeen, spidermomma, and Magnet are online**

 

 **underoos:** jhhshhs

 

 **irondad:** that does not look like a positive keyboard smash

 

 **underoos:** its not

 

 **irondad:** oh ha whats wrong

 

 **underoos:** the entire chat knows now

 

 **irondad:** JKHSJDSJN H A

 

 **underoos:** WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING

 

 **spidermomma:** We're in an important board meeting. He's laughing too hard to respond to people. What have you done

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** man I wish I was there

 

 **Magnet:** Natasha, get off your phone!

 

 **spidermomma:**  When Stark gets off his, sure

 

**(7:41 AM) birduncle is online**

 

 **birduncle:** I joined solely to see why tf stark is laughing so hard

 **birduncle:** oh

 **birduncle:** ha

 

 **underoos:** i didnt come here to be attacked like this

 

 **memequeen:** too bad

 

 **irondad:** okay i got a gun the next person to speak gets shot

 

 **ISeeYou:** You got a gun?

 

 **irondad:** i got a gun

 

 **underoos:**  *loading click* no girls

 

 **memequeen:**  girls gotta die *gunshots mix with drums*

 

 **underoos:**  wake up with no hhhuuueɘᴜᴜᴜʜʜʜ

 

 **memequeen:**  Julioioiøȟ̴͔ͅh̵̹͕̉h̶̫͖͂̽h̸͙̽̈́h̷̩͊ͅ

 

 **underoos:**  I can I can't

 **underoos:** baby beans

 

 **memequeen:**  you and your pe nis inpoopments /̷̬̘̘͒̆̃̌̽͌͂́-̷̡̘͖̪̰̭̦͇̦̌̈́͝-̴̢̉̄̿̚̚͝͠/̵̢̹̩̟̫͈̰̤̾͐͑̑̏͐-̸̥̳͚́͊̅̃̾͘/̸̡̰̲̱͎̼̖̮͍̝̈́̾̈́-̶̛͍̤̺̒̉́̎̍͜͝-̶̡̼̲̓̉͋͠/̸̧̣̜͍͉͖̗̻͇̬̔͗-̵̡͒͆/̸̺̥̙̦̣̯̇͂̽͜-̵̳̭̮͓̥̱̫̆̄̄̀̍̕͝/̸̦̟͌͆̎̇͑̓͑͝

 

 **underoos:**  J̶J̶J̶U̶U̶U̶ ̶U̶U̶U̶U̶U̶U̶ ̶N̶ ̶N̶ ̶N̶ ̶N̶ ̶N̶ ̶N̶ ̶N̶ ̶N̶ ̶N̶ ̶H̶H̶H̶H̶

 

 **memequeen:**  j̶u̶s̶h̶j̶u̶s̶h̶

 

 **underoos:** ＪＵＭＰ in the CAAC

 

 **memequeen:**  yea

 

 **irondad:** i dont even want to know

 

 **spidermomma:** Get off your phone, Tony

 

 **Magnet:** Get off your phone

 

 **underoos:** yeah, get off your phucking phone dad

 

 **memequeen:** this post was made by the 

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** by the what?

 

 **memequeen:** by the                gang

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** tell us you coward

 

 **memequeen:** the,,,,,,,,

 

 **underoos:** by the caac gang

 

 **memequeen:** yes

 

 **ISeeYou:** May I join the CAAC gang?

 

 **memequeen:** yes you may

 

 **CAWCAWMF:** oo oo can I??

 

 **underoos:** no

 

 **memequeen:**  

 

**(7:49 AM) CAWCAWMF went offline**

 

 **underoos:** KKSJKSLKSJKSLJKJSKLCJLSJLK

 

 **irondad:** the whole board meeting is telling me to get off my phone

 **irondad:** board meeting more like bored meeting

 

 **underoos:** dad youre setting a horrible example for me

 

 **irondad:** o h  n o

 

**(7:51 AM) irondad went offline**

 

 **birduncle:** Fuckin finally

 

 **spidermomma:** ^^

 

 **Magnet:** Language! :(

 

**(7:52 AM) spidermomma, Magnet, and birduncle went offline**

 

 **underoos:** i am the best

 

 **memequeen:** no u aint

 

 **underoos:** o shit u right i suck

 

 **memequeen:** wait nO!! youre great ppl love u

 

 **underoos:** stop spilling fake tea sis

 

 **ISeeYou:** What...

 **ISeeYou:** What is fake tea?

 

 **underoos:** false... whats that gross old word people used to use......

 

 **memequeen:** you mean gossip?

 

 **underoos:** ew

 **underoos:** but yes

 

 **ISeeYou:** Oh, you meant tea as in controversial material/news, not the beverage.

 **ISeeYou:** My mistake.

 

 **underoos:** dw at least u know what the tea means

 **underoos:** no one else in this chat seems to

 

 **ISeeYou:** Ah.

 

 **memequeen:**  man for some reason i really want mcdonalds all of a sudden

 

 **underoos:** jessica im making dinner at home

 

 **memequeen:** i hate this fucking family

 

**(7:56 AM) ISeeYou went offline**

 

 **underoos:** oh no

 

 **memequeen:** oh no

 

 **underoos:** OOOOOOOH  _YES_

 

 **memequeen:** woah italics how

 

 **underoos:** in the wise words of one of the kids on my acadec team, you pay apple 1000000000000000 dollars

 

 **memequeen:** oh cool

 

**(7:58 AM) memequeen went offline**

 

 **underoos:** WHAT

 **underoos:** WHY DID U LEAVE

 **underoos:** DID I SAY SOEMTHING WRONG

 **underoos:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

**(8:00 AM) underoos went offline**

**(11:57 PM) underoos and irondad are online**

 

 **underoos:** its halloween eve

 

**(11:57 PM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

**(11:57 PM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** its halloween eve

 

 **irondad:** no

 

**(11:58 PM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

**(11:58 PM) irondad went offline**

**(11:59 PM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** its halloween eve

 

**(11:59 PM) irondad is online**

**(11:59 PM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

**(11:59 PM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** its halloween eve

 

**(11:59 PM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

**(12:00 AM) underoos is online**

 

 **underoos:** I T S  HA A LL  O  WW EEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

 

**(12:00 AM) irondad kicked underoos offline**

**(12:00 AM) irondad went offline**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is technically done, im gonna have a one-shot for halloween and then make a new fic. dw. its not done. i could never do that lmao


End file.
